To stop inviting children to parties when they have not had a party themselves

[PMDD]

I just read another thread about their son not being invited to a party. It has raised an interesting point that I am considering this year.

On the whole, I believe that if you have a large party where all the children or all of one sex at the party, that you invite the whole class and not leave one, two or three off the list. Especially when the children are in infants.

I really enjoy a celebration and hold parties for my friends and their children (and friends with no children) at Easter, Summer, Halloween and Christmas. My children have a party each birthday every year.

It costs a fortune but it is my choice to hold the parties. Each children's party costs around £300 to hold and my children are born in May, June and July so it is an expensive quarter.

However, over recent years fewer children are having parties or are only having a party for a handful of children at home or taking them bowling or to the cinema. My children may invite 20+ children to their party, but only get to attend less than 4 each year in return.

There are 2 boys who never invite my sons to their house/party, so I have decided this year to have the party but not invite the children that never invite my children. This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited. I feel this is reasonable, but from reading the other thread, perhaps I'm not.

One set of parents at my GS's primary school exclude one child from the class each year. Sadly, it is my GS's turn to be "punished" this year. I was stopped by another parent who mentioned how sorry she was. As I avoid school gossip, I just felt it was aimed at me for some reason or other.

Apparently they did this to her son in his first year and he was heartbroken. I take the view that I would not want my GS to attend a party hosted by these people and my GS has said he does not want to spend time with this child. It is heartbreaking how maturely he has dealt with this and it is a hard lesson to learn at 7.

I think parties are a loaded issue and I have perhaps been a bit immature in the past and sulked on behalf of my lovely GS. In future, I am having a family party for him with people who love him and ask two friends up a few days before just to play and have tea. I am going to remove myself from petty playground politics as this is second time round for me as I am now bringing up my grandchildren. From thirty years of experience I can tell you some things never change!

If there are kids who never have a party id be reluctant to exclude them, if there are those that always do but don't include my child then to reasonable not to invite them.

But once friendship groups are established its easy enough to just invite a few.

Every year my DC's friend says "I'm going to have a birthday party this year!" And every year you know they won't as, I guess, the parents just can't be arsed organising it (fair enough I suppose - but sad for the child). It would be awful if they didn't get invited to other parties because of this.

Some parents can't afford parties for their children, so why should their children be punished for this by not being allowed to other children's parties?

Quite a horrible way of thinking if you ask me. Isn't it nice to invite the whole class/ group so that everyone feels equal and so that the children who can't have their own parties get a chance to join in with others and enjoy the experience??

Did the OP ever come back?

I think it is better just to invite a few dc if you are short of money. we always had some sort of party but tended to invite a few dc my dc's were friendly with and to try to reciprocate party invites as much as we could. we never had whole class parties.

Ok some people cannot afford parties but they could have a couple of special friends over for a birthday tea or something.

I put a ceiling on ten guests for birthday parties and 3 each for Halloween. Small house and garden, limited means, and easily wired DC. They get to choose who they want the most. I would probably keep a 'weather eye' on who has invited them but would never take offense at the reverse! But 300 quid per party! Bloody hell, not many people have that kind of income!

YAB completely and utterly U.