To be angry over this???

[LadyofDunedin]

My cousin was over for the weekend and we had a great time... But...

1. Her bank card is missing so she only had limited cash - I paid a lot, cooked dinner, drunk my wine (she came empty handed)

2. After she left I went to put a load of washing on and her towel is missing. She's not the tidiest, so I text to ask where is was hiding. She responds that she's taken it

There was no apology! It would appear it was not in error, and it is a massive bath sheet- can't miss it at all!!! Also heavy, and cost £££

So AIBU to be really angry that she's taken advantage of me, stolen this from me??

I texted back saying I want it back although am sure she will 'forget' it. She should really offer to post tomorrow.

I can't believe am so angry . My own cousin , and I know it's a towel, but it's ruined such a great weekend, and now am worried what else is 'hiding'

Really strange behaviour by her OP. Really strange. I'd make a guess and either say she hates you and is jealous of you, or from the way you describe her personal standards in her own home, she is a totally chaotic person whose organisation is a bit of a mess, and she has never properly learned personal boundaries of ownership and consideration.

And what does her mother have to do with it, when she is 30?

I think you either cut her off, or repeatedly tell her the same message, you want your property back or replaced, her behaviour is unacceptable, until it sinks in (perhaps it won't).

She just saw something, liked it and took it, more like a spoilt 3 year old than a grown adult. Do you think she steals other things, or does it just extend to stealing from family members?

I know it's not really the point of the thread but something else doesn't ring true. You said she'd paid for the car via bankers draft but you don't pay for cars at the point of ordering, she'd only have had to pay a deposit at that stage.

She sounds like a bullshitter to be.

Am I misreading this? Why does the car have to be delivered to you? If you don't want to say no outright to her staying, can you go away that weekend, so that she can't stay?

She's very unresonable to be using 'my bad' at the age of 30!

Anyone who uses 'my bad' is unreasonable.

Re car she sent deposit by BACS of £1000 to secure the order

She bought car in my home town as far better deal than hers - 150 miles away roughly.

So when car arrives to garage it is in my home town, not hers. So she has to drive down to collect

Text her.

'Dear cousin. You're no longer welcome to stay with me when you come back to collect your car. I couldn't afford for that towel to go missing and I can't afford for anything else to go missing. Hugs, OP.'

Although TBH it sounds as if she's a thick-skinned bullshitter and it will be water off a duck's back...

I work away with work, so will be around when she picks it up ( so I can get towel) and I can 'be flying out that evening' so no opportunity for her to stay anyway

She also used my mouthwash and there's a bottle of it missing, noticed that this morning too!!!!

Good thing she will have a lovely new car to sleep in!!

So obviously was having a poke about my cupboards!!!!!!

Ah, that makes more sense.

I'd just text her and say that you know it seems tribal to fall out over a towel but you are unhappy about the situation and think its best if she makes alternative arrangements when collecting her car.

Either that or tell the Aunt- I wouldn't care if she got arsey as she couldn't defend her daughters actions whatever she said.

On the plus side, at least now you (and the rest of your family) know what to get her for every birthday and Christmas present forevermore. Towels. Every time.

What annoys me too is I secured car deal for her and saved her almost £3k and no thanks , and then to steal, and this attitude

Trivial not tribal!

Can you take off the hubcaps as payment in kind?

She's a loon - she probably drank the mouthwash.

Re aunt , she's so defensive, mums sister, and they're close

It will cause ww3

A poster up thread did say that she had similar situation and no one ever challenged her behaviour . My aunt is a bit like this, and I don't want to upset poor DM by mentioning to her

Feel utterly backed into corner

Bastards

She really can fuck off , :(

Phone her and tell her outright that you want the towel back, when she collects her bloody car, as it is part of a set. Also tell her you noticed some toiletries missing, should you check anything else or is that all she has taken from your house. Be upfront and straight to the point. No use pussyfooting around her any more.
If hysterical auntie gets involved tell her it's none of her business it's between cousin and you.

Don't mention it again now. Then send her a text every day the week before the car is due. Send her about 10 in the 24 hours before she is due to come down. She can't 'forget' then. Eg. Don't forget my towel. Is it in your bag? Have you packed it yet? You can make it a bit jokey, but just to make sure you get your towel back!

Stop being bullied by your aunt! Your mums relationship with her sister is not your responsibility. Your mum can stay out of it if she likes.

Bullies can not deal with being stood up to - and tbh, it can't e very good for your mum to have a relationship with someone she is scared of

The thing is, she could return the towel, plus anything else she swiped, but it's not going to change the way you feel about her. She stole from you, her cousin. How is there any way back from that?

I think towels as presents from now on. But they must be given singly and must never match.

No wonder she can afford a fancy car when she nicks and uses other peoples stuff!

The text about wiping her ass on it is just really disrespectful and definitely made to put you in your place [angry.

I read the ass comment like 'too late, made my mark, keeping it'