To be angry over this???

[LadyofDunedin]

My cousin was over for the weekend and we had a great time... But...

1. Her bank card is missing so she only had limited cash - I paid a lot, cooked dinner, drunk my wine (she came empty handed)

2. After she left I went to put a load of washing on and her towel is missing. She's not the tidiest, so I text to ask where is was hiding. She responds that she's taken it

There was no apology! It would appear it was not in error, and it is a massive bath sheet- can't miss it at all!!! Also heavy, and cost £££

So AIBU to be really angry that she's taken advantage of me, stolen this from me??

I texted back saying I want it back although am sure she will 'forget' it. She should really offer to post tomorrow.

I can't believe am so angry . My own cousin , and I know it's a towel, but it's ruined such a great weekend, and now am worried what else is 'hiding'

Ooh how irritating!

Any news?

Your cousin sounds absolutely bonkers but I don't understand why you're getting so upset over a towel. If she'd taken a piece of clothing, jewellery or an ornament, yes I'd be upset, but a towel is just a towel.

I don't "Facebook" (if that is the verb) but outing her on that sounds childish. She's either mean and horrible and making a public fuss drags you down to her level or she really does have kleptomaniac tendencies and outing her publicly isn't very nice.

Lol its a towel. Don't invite her again.

I can understand getting upset/angry over a towel - the OP said it was a big, expensive bath sheet, and part of a set. Lots of the large towels at places like John Lewis cost £30-£40, and designer brands can cost a lot more (eg some of these towels cost over £100). And if it was part of a set, it could be irreplaceable if the range is no longer in the shops.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to be upset if someone steals one item worth that kind of money from a set. Particularly if they've been freeloading all weekend and are completely unapologetic.

Cheeky cow!!

She has won a towel - but lost a cousin. Her loss. Hope it was worth it.

Basically she has stolen from you and has no intention of returning it so she will ignore all your texts about it.

I think your options are:

• forget about it
• escalate it

If you escalate it, you may still not get it back. But, I'd do that anyway as I wouldn't want the thieving witch in my house again so the relationship would be a write off.

If you write to her again, I'd say how it was really upsetting that you hosted her and she stole from you. She was totally disrespectful and she is never welcome back. Actually use the word stole so that she can't pass it off as 'not a big deal'.

Then yes, definitely get your aunt involved.

The only way you'll get the towel back is by external pressure.

For all of you saying 'its just a towel', is it ok to steal from someone if you think it's not of that much value to you? So if you visit and you like someone's new bottle of perfume or necklace, you can just shove it in your bag? The towel is a similar monetary value to perfume, it's probably about £40 for a start. Also, if the towel is part of a set which is no longer available and the main towel of that is missing, it pretty much ruins the set which is probably in the region of £100+. Make sure you point that out if any of the family start on the 'just a towel' stuff.

Oh I agree it's a rubbish thing to do and I wouldn't invite her again. I hope she thinks the towel was worth the loss of future hospitality.

I just wouldn't over egg the pudding about the set being ruined and the like; it isn't ruined, it just doesn't have a bath sheet. OP has the moral high ground , don't lose it by going over the top. It's really not the same as a piece of jewellery. This is exactly the sort of thing which becomes family mythology and the original, genuine grievance gets lost.

If someone has money they won't usually need to steal unmatching towels. I'd assume got blood on it or embarrassed themselves some how.

Unless you were so hsopitable your cousin thought it was a hotel? where towel stealing is expected

Update

Sorry I haven't seen the last lot of replies.

To those who say 'just a towel' , perhaps so. Regardless if value (which, by the way, is significant) stealing is stealing. I was so angry about it, hurt over a range of things; the bank card, the mouthwash, the general disrespect, and finally, the towel.

stealing is stealing I made a choice to not take this sort of behaviour. By saying nothing I would have condoned it. I don't accept this behaviour, I do expect the towel back. And yes, rightly or wrongly , I am outraged over 'just' a towel. I think it runs deeper.

I texted most days in stalker style! Pushed it, allowed my texts to go from polite to downright furious, and I believe rightly so!!

My aunt did text me, and I did drop it in convo. I had a text some days ago advising 'towel in post' - text from aunt not cousin, presume was aunt who posted, cousin gets more unreal.

Not been home to see if towel arrived, should be well on it's way.

No one takes the P out of lady!!

Well done. She was very rude to steal a towel and expect you to pay for everything. I hope it teaches her a lesson.

I disagree with some of the other posters - it isn't 'just a towel', it's the principle. Why would taking an item of clothing be worse? That doesn't make sense to me.

Your cousin OP is being passive aggressive by not replying to you. Next time you see your aunt I'd say to her 'when you next speak to Cousin, would you ask her to return the towel she took from my house?' No need to have a barney. If auntie wants more info just say 'she's told me she's got it and I asked her to send it back to me, but she hasn't done and that was x weeks ago.'

Just stick to the facts and reiterate you want it back.

As for your rude cousin, she has no shame. I'd make no further direct contact if I were you.

I feel for you - I always think we should treat people as we wish to be treated so it can be annoying and really disappointing to find someone you have extended your hospitality to thinks so little of you that they behave like that.

I also believe in karma, it will bite her on the bum at some point in the future .

Sorry OP - missed the bit where aunt informed you towel is in the post. Fingers crossed you do get it back okay.

I'd be angry too and wouldn't be inviting her back. Hope you get your towel back x

just ask her for it back! she can repay the favour of food and wine when you go visit her.

YANBU OP, I'd be angry too. It's not the money but as you say, she brought ONE bag and would have had to pack it quite artfully if it's a thick towel. Why would you do that to anybody, let alone family? She stole it on purpose unless she has form for being extremely absent-minded. Even if she is, to be called on it, check and find that she has it? I'd be apologising profusely and getting it in the next post with a delivery of flowers to thank you for my stay.

Keep on at her, get it back - and don't invite her again. I wouldn't.

Thanks all, back at my house tomorrow.. Hope to see a wee Royal Mail 'while you were out' card....

Did you get it back?

Yes!!!!! The posting was in my uncles writing :o ! And the packaging was shambolic!

But.. Victory is mine.. I stood my ground and I won !

Well done OP. A small but hard fought, and deserved, victory. Enjoy the completeness of your bathroom accessories.

Good for you, why you have funded her stay and allowed theft from your house. I'd have been the same. Treat others how you wish to be treated yourself, and expect to be treated well so you don't get walked all over.

I trust you will never ever let her stay at yours again? Are you likely to go to get house at all in the future? If do, take a bag and clear her out of toiletries(just nice ones!)!

Others on here would say that I am over-reacting but I would blank this person even though she is a relative. She is a massive piss taker ! I would never let them near my home or my possessions again and tell her to her face why. Actions need consequences. Anyone that says it' s only a towel would feel different about it if it was theirs I am sure. There's a deep feeling of disquiet about someone taking something deliberately from you and not giving an actual toss about it to this degree that a parent has to sort it for them. I suspect she has some really deep rooted problems and this type of thing is a manifestation of it. I have very few possessions but the ones I have , I value and would be damn ferocious if someone half inched my towel. I am glad you got it back.