To take dd out of school

[Whatwouldmumdo]

Name changed.
Ok we've had a rubbish Xmas health wise and a number of very stressful events recently. It's taken it's toll on myself dh and dd (11).
We need a break, we really do but funds are right and it's a long time until half term anyway.
There are some great deals if we travel in the next couple of weeks, as in a week away with Travel etc for less than £400. We'd get some sun, some peace and it is just what all three of is need.

Dd is doing very well at school, exceeding all targets set for her. We've taken her out of school (with permission) for a long weekend holiday once before but that was years ago and she's since moved school.

I hear that the new school is quite strict about this.

What exactly can the school do if we take her out without permission?

If we go, I'm not inclined to encourage her to lie and say she was ill so if we did go away we'd be facing their reaction head on.

I know that school is important and a privilege and I'm not taking her missing school lightly. The decision isn't yet made but I do think it would be beneficial to her after such a rough few weeks.

I did read the thread OP the point I was making is you asked if it is was okay to take your DD out of school and from that people are naturally going to ask how she will cope with that and what she feels is the best thing to do, equally people will make comments on how they think she will react, but obviously we don't know her. On 99% of threads people will comment what they think the OP or a relative should do in a situation when they don't know the OP. It is just the way it is.

I don't think you should take her out but then I am the sort of mum who never lets the kids miss school unless they are properly ill as I take school very seriously and don't want my children to miss more than they have too.

Throwing a couple of changes of clothes in a rucksack and remembering your coat/scarf/gloves/hat/thick socks then getting in the car or getting a reasonably short train/coach ride for a couple of weekends is more stressful than packing for a whole week (which involves military organisation for clothes washing for starters unless you have dozens of outfits at home), currency exchange, getting/remembering health/travel insurance & passports then either long train/coach trips or getting to the ariport and long waits in stressful environments? Really? And if the warmth/relaxation are the main aim over the 'fresh air and peace' there's plenty of indoor resorts around the country with their heating turned up high, swimming pools etc who'd be glad of the business out of season and would still work out cheaper for weekends than going abroad.

Same here newyear - and I'd have a very hard job deciding if the holidays I have had abroad were actually any better than ones I've had in the UK. Don't get this attitude that a foreign holiday is automatically the holy grail. Yes the weather is better but if the British weather bothers anyone that much then the rest of the year is going to be so intolerable that one week abroad won't help.

You said you are more effected than your DD. Do you think she is picking up on how you are being and is feeling fragile as unable to process that?

We never go abroad. We would like to but it would mean missing a holiday this year to save up.

We go to Wales, Cornwall and Scotland. Stunning and beautiful scenery, great castles, museums etc.

No need to go abroad.

ha ha wedding! the British weather does bother me and without having a least a week in the sun I couldn't cope with the other most likely fucking miserable weather here in the UK.

Booey for you staying in the UK - want a medal?

For the life of me I don't understand why people get SO involved in these threads. if YOU wouldn't take your DC out great, if other people want to just accept it. Personally I don't understand anyone who would enjoy holidaying here....

toffee I wouldn't describe her as fragile, but she shouldn't have to be so strong. I can't take away the struggle right now and though I'm hiding my own stress and upset as best I can, I can't change the fact that she is very perceptive. I'd worry more about her state of mind if dd had gone through all this and wasn't looking/feeling somewhat drained. It's perfectly normal but that doesn't mean it's ok. Things are getting better but there are still some tough times coming. I'm hoping that this break will act as a bit of respite. I'd happily have a break in the UK but with the weather the way it is right now, it would be a break sat indoors to shelter from the floods/storms etc and actually some of the uk holidays worked out more expensive!!!

Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm off to see the head this afternoon to discuss it.

I'll let you know the outcome but I'm sure it will be a case of 'unauthorised and a fine'. I'll also double check the specifics of the fine system as it must be the same all over England?
I'll ask about whether SATs are used to decide high school sets aswell.

I don't need a medal thanks WhataSook but, genuinely not trying to be rude, I have to ask why you live here? Only because I always want to ask that of anyone who literally couldn't cope with our climate without a week abroad and rarely find anyone to ask. The British weather is so weird that if you can't hack it for 358 days and be reasonably comfortable then why be here at all even with a week abroad - doesn't it drive you crackers? I'd be the same somewhere swelteringly hot, I just couldn't live there so I'd be long gone, one week a year holidaying in the cold wouldn't help me, I'd have to move. If I could live there the rest of the year then I could holiday there too.

Whatwouldmumdo - there are plenty of indoor resorts/places you could go to relax and still stay warm that would be cheaper for a couple of weekends - without knowing where you live and how you'd be travelling I can't be more specific though but there's plenty of stuff about.

without having a least a week in the sun I couldn't cope with the other weather here in the UK.

Of course you could WhataSook. Many people have to, and do, cope just fine without luxuries including foreign holidays.

Booey for you staying in the UK - want a medal?

No need to be sarcastic. Wedding wasn't complaining at all, just pointing out quite rightly that holidays abroad can't be considered essential.

Um New do you know me? As I said, no I wouldn't fucking cope, I find it absolutely miserable here and the thought of not having a sun holiday on the horizon would fuck me right off. But you do go ahead and tell me how I'd cope because other people do...

And I'll be sarcastic if I feel like it - you the thread police are you??

We do go away for weekends in Britain and love it. But there is a big difference when you leave the country. The change in weather, language, surroundings etc. although I'm an advocate of UK hols I do think that all that change makes it easier to switch off from home/work etc.

It's just what we've decided to do this time. Go somewhere we've never been, that's totally different to home.

I know I'm going to sound really horrible here but I don't like it when people say they 'need' some sun, a holiday etc. It isn't a requirement, lots of people can't afford it and still manage to function. I don't agree with teaching children that when life gets difficult running away to a hot country for a rest will solve everything. Holidays should be about having fun, seeing the world, something to look forward to, not escaping reality that will still be there when you get back.

The stress of what school will do now they have cracked down on holidays in term time will add to what you are already stressing about.

Wait until half term is close then look for last minute deals? I believe (although I may be wrong) that half terms vary between schools and areas so you may still get it cheaply?

Again I do apologise for sounding nasty and pretentious, I've just been hearing a lot of it lately and it riles me!

Fair enough Whatwouldmumdo, and to reply to your original question in my opinion you'd be completely U to take your dd out of school to meet that decision - I think you should either wait until the half term and cough up the extra money to go abroad or settle for the weekend UK holidays if you can't wait, I don't think taking dd out of school should factor as an option - but it is up to you, that's just my view.

They would charge you, got dd's school newsletter yesterday and if a child has 5 days off unauthorised or taken out for a holiday. The fine is now £120 per child per parent

We're taking DD out so that we can afford a week in a caravan in dorset. 415 for a week in july. 655 for a week in august.
going on holiday in the uk isn't cheap either!!!
we're going to the jurassic coast so that dino mad dd can hunt for fossils and find out about mary anning. the school are v happy for her to go.

The school aren't allowed to authorise a holiday like that any more - under the new rules they surely need to fine you?

NB Jurassic Coast has been completely destroyed by fossil hunters, and is now basically a heap of rubble.

Why not try youth hostelling? Should make things more affordable and lots of fun for the children as they make new friends.

What is it that you actually want?

Sun, a break from the house, different food, to hear a different language?

You could get 3 out of 4 of those any given day in any part of England, Ireland, Scotland or Wales.

Admit it, you want to lie in the sun!

I haven't had any sort of time away from home since 2003, so don't feel the 'need' for a holiday but I can see the difference between wanting to throw a couple of things in a rucksack( surely you need more change/warm/heavy clothes and all the heavy washing that involves) and throwing a few swimsuits and tshirts in a case.

I still think the two are so different that the points aren't relevant.
They aren't comparable and OP just feels like a bit of warmth and sunshine not a hike in the wind.

toffee what is your problem? I've said that I'm struggling more than dh and dd but I'm self employed so there's no AIBU question about taking me out of work. I like the UK, we do go on weekend breaks here. I want a change, we will probably be better for it and some sun would be amazing!! Imagine the respite from all that grey just for a few days. In all honesty where we are going won't be sunbathing weather but there will be a beach. We could easily go without dd as babysitting has been offered by my df but I think she's had a rough time too and if I deserve a hol why shouldn't she have one? I'm sick of your accusational tone.

no problem here.

I am not accusing you either. If you are so sure what you are doing is acceptable you wouldn't have posted or be bothered by what a stranger may have posted.

But OP, you wouldn't (hopefully) take a week off work when it wasn't agreed to by your employer. Not the same I know, but there is a commitment for your child to be in school. I'm guessing this is at least partly to do with saving money by going abroad before half term.
If not, I'd take a nice short break in the UK for a weekend (or maybe longer if can tie in with a training day), and then go abroad at half term, which is not long to wait anyway. Or just go as a couple and allow your daughter to have a fun week staying with her grandfather, which will be a break from routine for her.

dromedary, well, the school have said ok and I know two other families who've done it this term and not been fined, so who knows what our school are up to but they seem to get away with it.
we went to charmouth a couple of years back and had a lovely time finding fossils on the shore line, thought it was lovely.
have looked into youth hostels, but they're more expensive than caravan parks for 2 adults, 2 kids and a baby, and we don't drive, otherwise we'd camp, but carrying the kit isn't doable on the train/bus.

just do itwhatwouldmumdo, I hope you have a lovely break.

toffee. Is it twice or three times now that you've used the term "admit it"? That is accusational however you look at it. If I wasn't bothered by what anyone thought, I wouldn't have posted in AIBU at all would I? Would you rather I just didn't respond to your comments? Is that how AIBU works? I don't think so