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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take dd out of school

243 replies

Whatwouldmumdo · 07/01/2014 23:59

Name changed.
Ok we've had a rubbish Xmas health wise and a number of very stressful events recently. It's taken it's toll on myself dh and dd (11).
We need a break, we really do but funds are right and it's a long time until half term anyway.
There are some great deals if we travel in the next couple of weeks, as in a week away with Travel etc for less than £400. We'd get some sun, some peace and it is just what all three of is need.

Dd is doing very well at school, exceeding all targets set for her. We've taken her out of school (with permission) for a long weekend holiday once before but that was years ago and she's since moved school.

I hear that the new school is quite strict about this.

What exactly can the school do if we take her out without permission?

If we go, I'm not inclined to encourage her to lie and say she was ill so if we did go away we'd be facing their reaction head on.

I know that school is important and a privilege and I'm not taking her missing school lightly. The decision isn't yet made but I do think it would be beneficial to her after such a rough few weeks.

OP posts:

meditrina · 08/01/2014 23:04

A Year 6 child should know that half term's only 5 weeks away.

If your DD's state is so fragile that this wait is too long, then I think a trip to the GP is in order. Not to get a sick note for this trip, but to discuss options for counselling or even CAHMS referral.

littlemrssleepy · 08/01/2014 23:09

Also, I reckon the only families with primary school age kids who go on term time holidays must have at least 1 SAHP. Both DH and I work and each get a fairly generous 6 weeks leave. Even if we didn't take any leave together, we can't cover all the holidays between us. To take our two away during term time - not only would we have a possible £240 fine, we'd also 'forfeit' £100 odd in breakfast and after school club fees for the week away, and have to pay for the extra week of childcare during the holidays. So I reckon a term time holiday would cost around £600 on top of the cost of the holiday. Makes the potential hassle of taking them out of school just not worth it.....

Original poster

Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 23:12

meditrina I think I've made it clear that dd isn't rocking in a dark room. I've said it's probably me that's in the worst place but that dd is feeling it too and is being affected. I've not said that she is in a 'fragile state' but that a break would do all three of is the power of good. I'm hardly describing a situation worthy of a CAHMS referral. We've had a shit time and saw a cheap holiday and thought it might be a good idea.

OP posts:

ImagineJL · 08/01/2014 23:25

Well I don't think you should take her out of school.

I get so irritated by the people who do this. As if they're the only people in the world who'd prefer a holiday in term-time, as if they're somehow special, and shouldn't be subject to the same restrictions and rules as the rest of us.

It's that attitude that annoys me.

Every parent would like to take holiday in term time, every single one. It's cheaper and quieter - what's not to like! But if we all did it then the disruption to schools would make meaningful education virtually impossible. So, those of you who take your kids out in term time rely on the rest of us to not do it. I think it's selfish.

meditrina · 08/01/2014 23:28

I think that if she cannot wait 5 weeks, then her state is more fragile than you say. I'm not suggesting that she is "rocking", but counselling can be an enormous help and could be the more important thing. I hope you will consider it.

Original poster

Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 23:33

medtrina I appreciate your concern (not sarcastic, I mean it) I'm a big advocate of talking therapies. I don't think we're in need of counselling right now, but I am very aware of the importance of emotional well being. If I thought that was what she needed, I wouldn't think twice.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 23:33

OP posts:

Wellthen · 09/01/2014 06:38

If your child is ill enough to need to be off school then she should be off school. Not on holiday.

I'm staggered that anyone still believes 'sea air' and 'some sun' make people you better!!

meditrina · 09/01/2014 07:02

Sometimes, when you are the ones standing closest, you are the ones least able to see.

The inability to wait 5 weeks really is a major flag, and one that is obvious from the outside.

Goldmandra · 09/01/2014 07:58

We've had a shit time and saw a cheap holiday and thought it might be a good idea.

It is.

Your DD's SATs results won't crash through the floor and they aren't that important anyway.

You could wait five weeks but it would be better to all have a break away from reminders and responsibilities to do a bit of recovering sooner.

The only reason not to go would be that missing school would distress her. That isn't the case so go for it.

I hope it helps you all

hoobypickypicky · 09/01/2014 08:21

Have a lovely, relaxing and refreshing holiday whatwouldmumdo and family. School will still be there when you return, so will your daughter's brain and abilities.

I hope that the rest does you all the world of good. :)

Ticktock80 · 09/01/2014 08:39

I am so glad scotland doesn't do all this. She is 11. Missing a tiny portion of school will not do her any hard. I am amazed you get fined at all. If I want to take my dcs out of school I just can, no fine, no hassle. And the thought of my pre high school kid having to take tests to determine where they get to in high school is silly.

Our kids get put into sets once on high school, once their new teachers know them, can see their potential and how they may need help.

OP if you can afford it do it. Education IS important but it doesn't all come from school.

Ticktock80 · 09/01/2014 08:39

Excuse typos.....just about to do the school run!!

cjel · 09/01/2014 09:06

You are getting some strange posts on here OP.MEDINA Of course dd can wait 5 weeks they would just like to go on holiday when the prices are affordable.
WELLTHEN. Why are you staggered? It is a well known recognised fcact that fresh air and especially sea air and sunshine do have a marked effect on peoples well being.

newyearhere · 09/01/2014 09:22

Nearly everyone would rather go on holiday out of termtime and could probably find good reasons why they need a holiday. Doesn't make it right to miss school IMHO.

newyearhere · 09/01/2014 09:22

Doh, I mean in termtime when it's cheaper

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 09/01/2014 09:38

If she's doing well at school then a week off will not hurt her at all. Just tell the school, don't give a reason, pay the fine straight away and have a nice time! You don't need to justify this decision to anyone.

knickernicker · 09/01/2014 09:39

I say go. The effect of a week off even if they're revising will be negligible. It is not a perfect choice because school,would prefer she attends but not all choices can have a perfect outcome.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/01/2014 09:45

I know you never said it was just you who needed a break but it's your DD's education that she will be missing. Yes, it's only a few days and no, it won't have a long term impact on her life but if everyone in her class did this, it would eventually have an impact on them all. I'd be surprised if an 11 yr old desperately needed a holiday that couldn't wait a month, from what you've said (and that's obv all we have to go on) it sounds like it's you who wants the holiday more.

sillyoldfool · 09/01/2014 09:46

why does it matter that it's 'her sats year'? sats are meant to assess the school, not the child. doubt she'll loose her place at secondary school if she does badly!
lots of parents at my dds school take their children out for holidays, no ones been fined, we're going to take her out for a week in july.
one week in a year is not going to make much difference.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 09/01/2014 10:07

Hear hear sillyoldfool.

RockinAroundTheXmasTreeHippy · 09/01/2014 10:13

Hear hear sillyoldfool

Ditto

If the amount of SATs pressure the school are heaping on my own DD this school year is anything to go by, I can't think of a school year where they need a break more

weddingballsup · 09/01/2014 10:31

Why does a holiday have to mean a lot of expense and going abroad and therefore having to miss school to afford it? We live on an island - everyone here is within moderate travelling distance of 'coastal air' and the sun is still shining regardless of the ridiculously low temperatures here. Why not use the same money that would pay for this 'cheap deal' to go on 2 or even 3 (if you search well) nice weekends away - no missing school, dd would still get the same break and some because she wouldn't have to catch up on anything and you can wrap up warm and go for long walks and get plenty of peace and exactly the same sun benefit (eventually!) as an hour or two in a hotter climate plus all the endorphins from the exercise. Yes it's freezing here and not exactly as attractive as Costa del whatever but you and dd obviously manage for the other 300andwhatever days!

cjel · 09/01/2014 10:49

Wedding - Because the two beasts are completely different, I can't think of anything more stressful than packing and travelling and wrapping up for 'brisk walks' several weekends.They wouldn't be 'nice' weekends for me.
A week with one pack, one travel and then warmth on your skin and bones seems much more relaxing to me

newyearhere · 09/01/2014 11:05

I agree Wedding. I've hardly ever been abroad on holiday; it's a luxury not an essential.

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