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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take dd out of school

243 replies

Whatwouldmumdo · 07/01/2014 23:59

Name changed.
Ok we've had a rubbish Xmas health wise and a number of very stressful events recently. It's taken it's toll on myself dh and dd (11).
We need a break, we really do but funds are right and it's a long time until half term anyway.
There are some great deals if we travel in the next couple of weeks, as in a week away with Travel etc for less than £400. We'd get some sun, some peace and it is just what all three of is need.

Dd is doing very well at school, exceeding all targets set for her. We've taken her out of school (with permission) for a long weekend holiday once before but that was years ago and she's since moved school.

I hear that the new school is quite strict about this.

What exactly can the school do if we take her out without permission?

If we go, I'm not inclined to encourage her to lie and say she was ill so if we did go away we'd be facing their reaction head on.

I know that school is important and a privilege and I'm not taking her missing school lightly. The decision isn't yet made but I do think it would be beneficial to her after such a rough few weeks.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 08/01/2014 00:53

I don't always agree with taking children out of school, but the bottom line is that it's still up to the parent. Especially if it's not a common occurrence.

However, I also wouldn't use SATs as an argument to stop them. No secondary school, university or employer has ever cared what a student's KS2 results were.

birdybear · 08/01/2014 00:56

If you think she needs a rest, let her lie on the sofa all weekend.

Oh, YOU need a rest? On a sun lounger? Got yer .

tildamouse · 08/01/2014 00:57

Children are often more resilient than you'd think, and routine (ie getting back into the swing of school) could be just as beneficial as a holiday. Not to mention cheaper! Booking one now for 5 weeks time would give you all something to look forward to

tildamouse · 08/01/2014 00:59

Nanny, that's not true regarding SATS. Secondary schools use the results to inform their teaching of year 7 students.

Original poster

Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 01:02

birdy I haven't suggested that it isn't about me or dh too, that would be ridiculous. The fact is however that while we can both book time off work, it isn't the same for dd hence the question. There's really no need for sarcasm or the hint that I'm being selfish. The decision isn't made yet because it isn't one that we take lightly. Get me?

OP posts:

Alambil · 08/01/2014 01:07

do it

life is MORE than school and SATs work will be made up if she's ahead; what would happen IF she WAS really ill for a week or more (say, in hospital - she'd miss work and make it up.... the world would NOT end)

Alambil · 08/01/2014 01:09

ps, I thought secondary schools did CAT tests in year 7 to inform teaching, rather than solely relying on sats results?

RockinAroundTheXmasTreeHippy · 08/01/2014 01:12

In the circumstances I would just be honest with the school, but understand that they cannot okay it, but may not so secretly understand, it will depend really on their attendance record & how much pressure they are under from the LEA - the fines generally come from above, so yes factor the cost of that in to, but I would expect its rare that it happens - again depends on the attendance

tilda it CAN be true, depending on the schools involved - we were recently told that SATS are very important for DDs high school & would determine her streaming there, DD was told this too & was VERY stressed by it all as a result - I was worried myself about the state DD was getting herself into - so I rang & asked the HS directly - they said they DON'T go by the SATS & stream classes after the DCs have settled in in the second term according to work & end of term test results - so it does vary

TitsalinaBumSquash · 08/01/2014 01:14

Seriously, do it.

Life is about more than education, quality time, relaxing and exploring is important.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2014 01:17

Can you plan some Friday-after-school til Sunday night getaways locally? How about changing up routine some evenings with going to the cinema on a school night, a 'video game party' in the living room another night? Breakfast for supper or hamburgers for breakfast. After their grandmother died my 2 DSs (then 13 and 6) were devastated (she was truly a perfect Nana) and their sorrow affected them quite a bit as it was the first death of a loved one for them. We weren't in a position to take them out of school and go away for a whole week, so we just mixed things up and did 'special' things at home and did some cheap weekends to nearby fun places.

LUKYMUM · 08/01/2014 01:23

Definitely go. Factor in the fine but go. She'll be more focused and happy if the family is in a better place. If she has exceeded her targets relevant then you have less to worry about.

Original poster

Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 01:26

thanks acrossthepond we will be doing some of those things. Sadly this is a very young person who has passed and grandmother is simply estranged (and horrid) which is maybe more difficult for dd to get her head round? I'm not sure. I think we're probably just thinking right, what will make us feel better? Oh look this is sort cheap? Shall we? If you see what I mean?
Sorry to hear about your dc's lovely Nana x

OP posts:

LUKYMUM · 08/01/2014 01:26

OP ignore ignorant comments. There's one on every thread. You sound like a responsible parent.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2014 01:46

Oh, I'm so sorry. The passing of any young person is just devastating and doubly hard to understand, even for an adult, never mind an 11 year old!

I'm not saying not to take your DD out of school, just proposing some alternatives. I truly feel that's totally a parent's prerogative, end of. You know your DD best. And you know whether or not it would affect her grades or scholastic future.

I just wish you all peace at this difficult time.

nannynewo · 08/01/2014 03:04

YANBU. It's only one week, she can catch up. All these people saying she will miss out on vital work need to get a reality check. It wasn't until recent years that these silly fines came into practice. When I was growing up, children would often be taking weeks off here or there to go on holiday, it didn't damage them in the long term! Education does not just happen in the classroom! SATs aren't important whatsoever. They do not determine their year 7 'sets' because the teachers will file a report and decided how they think the child would suit based upon how they have achieved throughout the entire year.
So yes, DO IT :D and enjoy!

lecce · 08/01/2014 05:36

It sounds like you've been through a very rough time and I do sympathise. However, if your dd is happy in school, and it sounds like she is, I really think that getting back into her routine, seeing plenty of her friends etc will do her an enourmous amount of good.

I am a secondary school teacher and her SATs results almost certainly will have an impact on sets she is placed in at secondary school because schools have to show a certain amount of progress between key stages - that is not the fault of schools, but it is not something they cannot ignore. I organise sets for my subject and I am not allowed to ignore their SATs result, even if our experience of the child suggests they need to be in another set .

However, SATs are not the reason I think you shouldn't do it as they are a load of bollocks. I would be more concerned about whether it is really what is best for your dd and promoting the importance of school in general, especially as she will soon start secondary school.

If you can afford £400 plus fine, why not save it and add to it weekly/monthly and then surely you will have enough to go abroad later in the year during a school holiday - if it really is crucial to go abroad in these circumstances...

noblegiraffe · 08/01/2014 07:13

Secondary schools will be very interested in KS2 SATs these days as we are moving from FFT targets to levels of progress from KS2 as the measure we are being judged on.

noblegiraffe · 08/01/2014 07:13

Isn't the fine per child per parent per day?

WooWooOwl · 08/01/2014 07:59

I think it would be very irresponsible of you to take her out this close to SATs. Even if your dd is guaranteed good results, it's unfair on the school to take a holiday in term time this close to them, it just shows a lack of respect for what they are doing.

You will understandably think your dds welfare is more important than that, but it's not going to do your dd any harm whatsoever to wait until the half term break, it's not that far away.

This is exactly the sort of circumstance where you would deserve the fine if you choose to take your child out of school.

nennypops · 08/01/2014 08:07

Is the £60 fine for the entire absence, or is it £60 per day?

selfdestructivelady · 08/01/2014 08:32

I'd go.

Peekingduck · 08/01/2014 08:36

At her age, at this time of the year, that would be a really bad idea. You don't know what the plans are for her as an individual or for her class are.

Mckayz · 08/01/2014 08:39

I wouldn't take her during her SATs year.

Also like Noble and Nenny said, I am pretty sure it is £60 per child, per parent per session missed.

I do not know how true it is but I was told that most schools count 1 day as 2 sessions. So £240 per day. It was a parent at school that told me that. So I do not know if it is right.

northcountrygirl · 08/01/2014 08:43

I'd just do it ESPECIALLY in sats year. When my twins were in year 6 they didn't little else other than sats revision. All "non sats" subjects were cancelled. Even pe was frequently cancelled due to it being too hot/too cold/too wet/too windy. My god they hated school that year.

It sounds like a holiday would be beneficial too all of you. I think the fine just applies to resident parents though - pretty sure your ex won't also be fined.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 08/01/2014 08:54

If it is £120 per day your holiday will end up costing £1000 after all...

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