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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take dd out of school

243 replies

Whatwouldmumdo · 07/01/2014 23:59

Name changed.
Ok we've had a rubbish Xmas health wise and a number of very stressful events recently. It's taken it's toll on myself dh and dd (11).
We need a break, we really do but funds are right and it's a long time until half term anyway.
There are some great deals if we travel in the next couple of weeks, as in a week away with Travel etc for less than £400. We'd get some sun, some peace and it is just what all three of is need.

Dd is doing very well at school, exceeding all targets set for her. We've taken her out of school (with permission) for a long weekend holiday once before but that was years ago and she's since moved school.

I hear that the new school is quite strict about this.

What exactly can the school do if we take her out without permission?

If we go, I'm not inclined to encourage her to lie and say she was ill so if we did go away we'd be facing their reaction head on.

I know that school is important and a privilege and I'm not taking her missing school lightly. The decision isn't yet made but I do think it would be beneficial to her after such a rough few weeks.

OP posts:
Borntorun25 · 08/01/2014 20:56

I would go. It sounds like you could all really benefit from the break and your daughter sounds like she will easily be able to catch up on any school.

We have taken our DSs out of school every Jan since they started for a ski hol. We can't go during school hols as DH is unable to get a full week off work during school hols. They are now in Primary 5 and 7. We always write a polite letter to the school informing them of the above and we have always received a polite reply saying that this will be unauthorised absence, then they wish us a happy holiday!
Don't know anything about SATS and fines though, we are in Scotland so a different system.

Just wanted to give you some support and I hope you have a good break and come back feeling a bit better.

5OBalesofHay · 08/01/2014 20:56

Take her on holiday and have a good time. Sats don't really mean much to children, its schools that need the results. She has years of education and tests. If its a one off then just go.

Coldlightofday · 08/01/2014 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cjel · 08/01/2014 21:01

But Cold SATS don't benefit children. They learn and progress without external exams at such a young age and it can even be argued that the constant testing means they have less time to actually learn.

elesbells · 08/01/2014 21:02

In defence of the OP, she came here asking if it was unreasonable to take her child out of school...not for people to tell her the best way to deal with her daughters stress! She's absolutely right IMO - nobody knows her child..or indeed how best to deal with what sounds like a really trying time for her family.

I don't think the OP was objecting to opinions on the taking out of school....just the best way to parent HER child!

It seriously never changes around here...Hmm

littlemrssleepy · 08/01/2014 21:03

If you feel it's right for you as a family then do it. I personally would not want to take my kids out if I could avoid it but that's my decision - it won't necessarily be right for you and your family.

The only thing that does grate about these threads is that the OPs tend to make a deal about how well their dc is doing as one of the mitigating factors. I wonder if they had a not so able dc, would that 'non deserving' child would be left at home?!!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 08/01/2014 21:04

Why ask for our opinion on what to do with your child "when we don't know her"?

Original poster
Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 21:06

toffee have you read the whole thread? I'd love to hear your opinion, I asked for it when I posted in AIBU

OP posts:
dost · 08/01/2014 21:06

I am also in scottish school system, have taken my nearly 12 year old (p7) daughter out every year for at least a week (her father works abroad and very often his holidays do not coincide with school ones) we write a letter stating when we are going, get one back saying authorised absence and teacher always wishes us a great time, easy! and no SATs in scotland thank goodness

clam · 08/01/2014 21:08

I think it's a bit of an over-reaction to imply that to take these few days off will result in her dd flunking her SATs. It's not an "either/or" situation.
I sincerely doubt it will make a great deal of difference to her results, particularly if she's able.

dost · 08/01/2014 21:09

Oh and her education has most definitely not suffered, she is top in english and maths in her year and is currently working at s1 level, so id say do it, it will benefit you all

chocolatesolveseverything · 08/01/2014 21:10

When I was a kid my parents took me on holidays in term time twice every year. I'm not aware of it having had any impact on my education at all. I'm amazed at how seriously the matter is taken these days!

SupSlick · 08/01/2014 21:12

I'm early twenties & I don't have a clue what my SAT results were. My parents are only half sure of what my degree was in.
Go, get away. You're putting your child's emotional well being before her education after a distressing time in which she has had a lot to deal with - that doesn't make you a bad parent in my eyes. You know your child. She seems self motivated with a good work ethic, and she's most likely got that from you in the first place, you're recognising she's had added pressure & showing you understand her & yourself need time away from it all.
I'm a rule follower normally, so understand you're anxiety towards being fined, however, I think you need to trust your gut on this, make her catch up on work missed when you get back & stop being hard on yourself.
I know parents who have taken their twins out of school for three weeks to go to the other side of the world. Twins who have already had a lot of absences due to illness. And who have already been to Disneyland twice this year during term time. They take the fine and don't give a crap. You're not taking the piss like that.

Coldlightofday · 08/01/2014 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

junkfoodaddict · 08/01/2014 22:05

As a teacher, which I may be flamed for, I'd say go for it! Grin
If your child has good attendance and is achieving above age related expectations, no harm will come to taking a week away from school.

Yes, it is a 'SATs' year - but one week is not going to majorly affect the grade she will receive at the end of the year. There are 190 school days - 5 days is not going to mean that your child will fail or that she is going to be masively disadvantaged - in fact, I have NEVER seen a child graded below what they have been predicted because they took time off for a holiday. I know of several children who have achieved level 5 - and one a level 6 - and they ALWAYS took term time holidays. They weren't froma a particularly 'educated' family and their parents knew school was important hence why they achieved so well because their parents made sure their feet were firmly grounded and made up the 'losses' through extra online revision done at home and reading.

We seem to forget that 11-year-olds are CHILDREN and family life is just as important as education. They are not teens and SATs are NOT as important as GCSE's and A Levels. They have absolutely no bearing on how secondary schools stream/group children into sets - they actually do not believe results and will 'make up their own minds'.

Sadly, it is the likes of some families whose children rarely make a full week during the academic year and have attendances that are frequently below 85% (as an example) year after year, and whose parents take them across the country for a long weekend to see their grandparents, cousins etc or to have a 'shopping day' in town or because mum couldn't be arsed to get up in a morning or because they were whinging about school and the parents took the easy route out and allowed them a 'duvet day' for a quiet life who actually are the cause for the changes.

Families who do ensure their child attends school and achieved well are the ones being punished for the stupidity of the few.

I regularly had long weekend holidays and a week away from school in First and Middle School. I did well at GCSEs, A Levels and achieved an excellent degree.

A boy in my class (Y2) took 1 week holiday recently. He's working at level 4 in maths and level 3 in writing and reading!!!

Term time holidays are NOT the direct result of a 'failing' child. It is the morons who allow their children to have 1/2 days away from school every other week!

junkfoodaddict · 08/01/2014 22:06

Apologies for spelling errors. Some of my aging keys on the keyboard have gone to sleep!

morethanpotatoprints · 08/01/2014 22:18

Ok FWIW, my opinion.

Education is important but school isn't. SATS are for the school, not the child's benefit.
Missing a week is not going to harm their education otherwise school would be compulsory.

However, when you sign up for school you agree to the terms and conditions. It doesn't help if they then go and change these conditions.

If you can afford the fine and any come back you may experience then I say go for it.
I agree that there are many possibilities to learn outside a classroom.

We are going on holiday during term time, no fines, no signing up to school.

whois · 08/01/2014 22:22

OP I think you should go. Sounds like it would do you both a world of good. Have a nice time.

Dromedary · 08/01/2014 22:29

There are 30 children in a class. If they all take a week's holiday (in school time) in a year that class is going to be very disrupted. Even if only a few of them do so. It messes things up for the teacher and for the other children. There will often be a "good reason" for taking a holiday, but I think the temptation needs to be resisted. Mind you my daughter's school has always been incredibly strict about this and has almost never authorised any time off for anybody, and this makes it rather tempting to be naughty...

BiscuitMillionaire · 08/01/2014 22:41

Just by the by, in international schools abroad, there is no question of getting into trouble for 'unauthorized absences', and it's normal for children to miss a week here or there to visit their home country or just go travelling. It doesn't seem to disrupt their education too much.

I think junkfoodaddict has hit the nail on the head in her post above about the minority of parents whose behaviour leads to everyone being penalised.

Tableforfour · 08/01/2014 22:49

^If your daughter is being affected that badly by stress, take her to her GP and get them to sort out a medical note. Job done.

Seriously, has nobody spotted that yet?^

GPs very much do not do this. I never write notes for kids to miss school - it is between the school and the parents. The only occasions when we write directly are in serious child protection cases as part of case conferences. I know you aren't planning on doing this but please no one else waste your GPs time with this, we have enough to do with seeing sick people!

Tableforfour · 08/01/2014 22:49

Ok, can anyone explain why my italics didn't work?!

Original poster
Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 22:50

Table did you just go and break mumsnet??? Shock

OP posts:
BiscuitMillionaire · 08/01/2014 22:51

Your italics didn't work because you have to put the ^ at beginning and end of each para Smile

Tinpin · 08/01/2014 23:00

I haven't taught in a Primary school for a few years now but I do remember some children moaning to me and being quite upset at being taken out of school for a holiday. Sometimes they miss things they really enjoy especially during the summer term eg sports days or taking part in the school play. Parents always think a holiday is such a treat but sometimes their children do see it differently. Not that relevant I know but thought I'd mention it !