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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by my friend saying this? Or am I over reacting?

151 replies

Slh122 · 07/01/2014 18:23

Yesterday at my 36 week MW appointment the midwife told me it feels like the baby has turned breech. I'm going for a scan on Thursday to confirm baby's position and then she said the consultant will offer me an ECV, otherwise I'll be booked in for a c section at 39 weeks.
I was talking about it with my friend today (she had a baby last month) and told her that I was planning on saying no to the ECV as I don't feel comfortable with it or the risks associated. She then said 'why would you willingly choose to have a c section?' And started going on about all the women on her post natal ward who had had c sections - apparently 'all of them' had infections from the op and only 2 of them had been able to hold their baby more than once in over a week. She then went on to tell me about what an accomplishment it was for her to give birth naturally, and how she'd never allow a c section as she'd feel the experience would have been 'stolen' from her. Hmm
AIBU to feel upset by what she said or am I over thinking things and over reacting? I feel like just not speaking to her anymore.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 07/01/2014 18:28

YANBU

Your friend is an insensitive arse.

A person came out of my fanjo. I didn't really care how he came out, just that he came out ok. I was prepped for an EMCS and if he had come out that way it wouldn't have been any more or less of an achievement.

Plus I would be able to sneeze without wetting myself.

Don't let her get to you.

Original poster
Slh122 · 07/01/2014 18:30

Exactly catgirl - I don't particularly care how my baby gets here, as long as he gets here safely!

OP posts:
Felyne · 07/01/2014 18:31

I think she was rather insensitive to tell you her opinions, if that's how she feels then fine but there is no need to tell a pregnant woman horror stories about things that happened to other people.
I didn't even speak to any other women on the ward after I gave birth, how would she even know if the ones on her ward went on to get infected wounds?
She sounds a bit self-congratulatory and insensitive.
If your baby is breech there is still time for it to turn by itself. Even if it ends up in the optimal position you might still need a section for other reasons.
Try not to let your friend get to you - to her credit if she has a newborn herself she's probably not quite thinking straight.

LondonNinja · 07/01/2014 18:32

She's a judgemental twat. I despise competitive birth stories.

What does she want, a fucking medal?

(As you can tell, it's a bugbear of mine!)

Good luck, OP.

MsRyanGosling · 07/01/2014 18:33

YANBU

I love her statistics "all of them" Hmm maybe only one other mum on her ward Grin

I had a CS with ds3, 10lb8oz and didn't get infected and could hold him, walk, shower the same afternoon and went home the next morning.

RedToothBrush · 07/01/2014 18:34

She's not your friend.

Nuff said.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/01/2014 18:35

Perhaps the women were still on the ward because they had complications and the CS women without complications had gone home.

I had an EMCS with DS1 (Undiagnosed breech) and a VBAC with DS2 who was the right way up. Both are equally valid ways of giving birth and I value my sons equally even though they were born differently. Do what is best for you and your baby and politely ignore your friend.

PrimalLass · 07/01/2014 18:35

She is a twat. I had two csections and was a bit harder second time around, but I certain;y cuddled my babies just as much as anyone else. In fact the midwives all commented on how cuddly DD was and kept putting her back in her crib which pissed me off, except when I was stuck too far down my bed in the night and couldn't reach my buzzer and they were nowhere to be seen - phew

My friend had two vaginal births and had to have surgery later.

PrimalLass · 07/01/2014 18:36

"IT" was a bit harder, not "I was".

bella411 · 07/01/2014 18:36

I had an emc and was generally ok. This not holding baby for ages is bull. I was up n about within the day.

Great for her she thinks a vaginal birth is the only way to give birth. I'd rather not have stretched lady bits imo. (tongue in cheek remark).

Think your friend is bein a cow, especially when you arehaving a c section for a medical reason

jimijack · 07/01/2014 18:37

Erm with all due respect, your friend is a dumbass.

Following a section for my breech baby I had mine with me all the time. Was walking through January snow pushing my pram taking my other child to school 2 weeks after. Absolutely fine.

steff13 · 07/01/2014 18:37

In my circle of friends and acquaintances, I only know of three women besides myself who haven't had at least one c-section. A c-section often ends up being safer for mom and/or baby, and having one doesn't steal your birth experience. I don't know how close of a friend she is, but I don't think you're being unreasonable to limit contact with her at least for a while.

QueenofKelsingra · 07/01/2014 18:37

firstly is it your friends PFB? if so that explains everything. I remember being so gung ho about a 'natural' birth the first time I probably said loads of insensitive things to others, especially as I was very lucky to get a non-medicated water birth. i had 2 pages of birth plan FFS!

second time round with DTs I didn't even write a birth plan - my only concern was that me and my babies came through the birth safely. and that's what I got. (hideous labour, epi, forceps, post birth illness etc but we all came through it ok).

I think first time round there is so muc focus on the birth being the 'end' point, the 'climax' of pregnancy. when in fact it is just the beginning, one day in your baby's whole life. it really doesn't matter what happens and how as long as you and baby are ok.

btw - that is not 'willingly choosing' a C-section. that is doing the best for your baby as guided by the medical facts. your baby is breech, it will be hard to deliver that way. it will be safer for all concerned to plan a section rather than convert to an emergency on if delivery has complications. my response to your 'friend' would be 'why would you willingly put your baby's life at risk just to have a 'natural' birth?' that should shut her up.

that was long, but basically YANBU to be annoyed but if it is your friend's PFB cut her a bit of slack!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/01/2014 18:38

Both my DC are older now (youngest is 6) and you get a different perspective as time moves on. Giving birth is incredibly important around the time it happens but a couple of years down the line its just one of the many milestones of being a parent. Believe me, I doubt you will be sitting at your DC's first school play / sports day etc thinking "oh I wish I didn't have that CS".

TheFogsGettingThicker · 07/01/2014 18:39

I've had two sections.

I never had an infection, was able to deal with my own babies and was home in three days.

I do feel sad I wasn't able to have them myself but their and my health was far more important than my wounded pride.

Dolallytats · 07/01/2014 18:39

Your friend is an idiot. I had my 3rd baby in July. She got stuck during the delivery and I was minutes away from having a c-section. I did not care that this would possibly be the way she was born, in fact I actively requested it when the room filled with people and they were all pushing and pulling my nether regions!! I just wanted my baby to be ok.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/01/2014 18:40

Op take what she said with a pinch of salt.

My friend had a section and was home the next morning hanging out washing on the line when i came to see her! No infection and no trouble lifting and holding her son.

Andanotherthing123 · 07/01/2014 18:40

Ignore her and certainly don't see her again before you have your baby. The bit she said about only 2 women being able to hold their baby in over a week is complete rubbish - even on your 1st CS you get kicked out after 3 nights so how could she know what happened over the course of a week? I've had 2 ELCS and am booked in for a third in 3 weeks. I was fine and could hold baby and care for them. I'm sure I would have been proud of myself if I'd had a VB and why not? They look like a lot of work on that one born every minute prog and it's amazing to watch (am bit addicted). But it's never bothered me that mine were born from 'a womb with a view'.

Just make the best decision for you OP and stuff what your friend thinks.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/01/2014 18:41

Queen
x post
DC1 - Birth plan 1 side A4
DC2 - 3 lines - VBAC / Managed 3rd stage / Vit K by injection

Joysmum · 07/01/2014 18:41

I don't know anyone who got infection from their C Sections, but having had to have an emergency C Section 11 years ago, I'm still not at peace with the fact I couldn't give birth naturally and that's not uncommon amongst the people I know who had C Sections.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/01/2014 18:42

And as someone who has had two vaginal births its not something i would ever feel sad about not doing if that makes sense. If i had to have a section next time then so be it. Both ways have negatives- as long as you and baby are healthy in the end its all good.

cory · 07/01/2014 18:45

I had an emergency section, breastfed from the start and never had the hint of an infection.

With my vaginal birth, though, stitches from the tear got badly infected and it was almost a year before I could sit and walk comfortably.

The emotional experience- pretty similar really.

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 18:45

Your friend does not have your best interests at heart. She sounds like a twat. Ignore her. Good luck with the baby - everything will be fine, don't worry. Smile

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 07/01/2014 18:45

I do agree that vaginal birth is 'better' in the sense that it's what the body was meant to do and it completes the whole process of conception to birth. What Mother Nature intended blah blah blah.

But if it means you and your baby are safe then obviously you're going to go for the CS! It's a no brainer really.

You're friend sounds very insensitive and not very friend like at all.
Good luck with whatever happens OP, I'm sure just having your baby in your arms will make you forget all about her stupid nonsense.

Shesparkles · 07/01/2014 18:48

Your friend's being a smart arse know it all!
You do what you feel is best for you and your baby. I don't think anyone has a CS in their bucket list, but if it's the safest option then of course you go for it !

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