To be upset by my friend saying this? Or am I over reacting?

[Slh122]

Yesterday at my 36 week MW appointment the midwife told me it feels like the baby has turned breech. I'm going for a scan on Thursday to confirm baby's position and then she said the consultant will offer me an ECV, otherwise I'll be booked in for a c section at 39 weeks.
I was talking about it with my friend today (she had a baby last month) and told her that I was planning on saying no to the ECV as I don't feel comfortable with it or the risks associated. She then said 'why would you willingly choose to have a c section?' And started going on about all the women on her post natal ward who had had c sections - apparently 'all of them' had infections from the op and only 2 of them had been able to hold their baby more than once in over a week. She then went on to tell me about what an accomplishment it was for her to give birth naturally, and how she'd never allow a c section as she'd feel the experience would have been 'stolen' from her.
AIBU to feel upset by what she said or am I over thinking things and over reacting? I feel like just not speaking to her anymore.

I think your friend sounds like a bit of a pain in the hole - no pun intended. With both dd2 & dd3 I was in the same position as yourself. As chance would have it they both turned really late, the day before the scan to finalise the c section procedure in dd3s case. I didn't even think about not going down the section route at that point.

I've had 3 vaginal births - I just wanted my babies out safe with the least amount of faffing. I don't really think about labour & birth as an experience, just means to an end. Best of luck, hope all goes well.

I wouldn't willingly choose to have a c-section.

Then again, I wouldn't willingly choose to have an ECV, tearing, or any other hideous things that come with childbirth.

I had two 'easy' (ha!) vaginal deliveries and was so out of it on G&A with one to cope with the horror of it that I can't remember a lot about the birth. I wouldn't choose that either.

Your friend's an arrogant idiot. It's completely down to chance.

Much like how easy your baby is. Does she have a non-sleeper/ eater by any chance? You could drop into conversation that it wouldn't be your choice....

Ignore her she has no clue.

I have had to c-sections. My first was a breech baby and I had a giant ovarian cyst which needed to be removed so a c-section was the only option. I did have an infection. I didn't stop me doing anything though, especially not cuddling him. I was home in two days and very mobile.

The second was supposed to be a natural birth but he went nine days over due and my blood pressure shot up. Plus I started to have seizures (I am epileptic) so a c-section became my only option again. No infection this time and I was home after one night.

I am probably unusual on this but I didn't experience any pain at all after either section, the most was mild discomfort when they removed the catheter. I found them to be a positive experience, on my my recent one my husband and one of the trainee doctors got in to a discussion about Thomas the Tank Engine (baby is called Thomas) and the doctor ended up Googling which trains were original characters on his phone while they were prepping me.

It is such a random memory, everyone in the room was debating which trains where the original ones at one point and discussing how terrible it was that they called the Fat Controller Sir Topham Hat now.

I couldn't have had a nicer or more relaxing birth experience and both children were delivered safely (although somewhat annoyed!)

Coming from someone who's had 2 stress-free-breezy-non-infected-c-sections am I right in assuming she's got first time mother syndrome?

YANBU, you'll be fine.

I'm afraid you have just discovered your friend is a knob.

Her judgemental opinion is invalid. Ignore.

Hope all goes well for you and your baby.

If she's seriously saying she'd risk her and her baby's lives at risk to prevent having the experience "stolen" from her, I'd be questioning her sanity never mind her ability to emphasise. She's coming from the very fortunate position of never having to have had to make that choice.

Your friend is a knob. Sorry. Decide now if this is a deal breaker, because she's obviously getting competitive and it's not going to stop.

oh your friend is being an arse

2 sections here - no infections and held baby as soon as I was out of theater - both BF well and recovery was fine and, with the first one, swift

My vaginal birth was far harder and I did get infected stitches but I wouldn't tell you ALL vaginal deliveries are like that

Ignore her

OP, take no notice of your friend. She is so wrapped up in her own experience she isn't thinking beyond it. Maybe she can't ATM, having a baby by any means is intense emotionally.

'Nod and smile' is as vital as 'breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth' in childbirth techniques. Be happy for her hat she had a good birth experience , and focus on making yours a happy, safe and baby-welcoming event too, under the advice of your mw and consultant.

You will both laugh about this in 20 years, and she will be .

(I was natural home birth zealot for myself but consider her evangelism to be ridiculous given your circumstances and ability to make your own informed decisions)

Just like you I discovered the breech at about 36 weeks. I did have the ecv which was not at all painful but the baby did not turn so I had an elective c at 39 weeks - it was totally trouble free, pain free, cuddled baby just as much afterwards as I had with first baby; went home and was looking after toddler and new baby and doing all normal things perfectly normally. Everyone is different. Pay completely no attention.

Utter rubbish. I went home 24 hours after my LSCS and was off painkillers in five days and driving within the week.

Recovery from an episiotomy first time round however was hell and took at least six weeks. If your baby is breech then rejoice that you have an excuse to give birth in such a civilised fashion!

Hope it all works out either way

Honestly 'accomplishments' are things marriageable genteel women had to be able to do in Austen novel - playing piano, painting on china, singing in Italian. Not pushing a baby out of your vagina, splendid and natural and all though that is.

Your friend sounds as if she has about a molecule of brain and sensitivity.

I had a minor infection on the scar after my ELCS, but tbh, I never even knew, it was my GP who noticed it a couple of weeks afterwards, prescribed a tube of Canesten-style cream, which I patted on for a week or so. No suppurating horrors, no extended period in hospital, and my C-section was actually a lovely, calm experience, if pretty surreal. As for cuddling, I don't think I put my son down the entire 48 hours we were in hospital.

Ah thanks everyone.
Yes it's my friends first baby - apparently the baby sleeps through the night every night

I had EMCS, i didnt get infection, healed quickly, got out of hospital after 3 days (due to my blood pressure, i stayed in), i have doing the shopping, a week later, holding my baby and everything.

CS is not ideal, but sometimes its the best solution, i certainly didnt feel i lost the experience, i still have my DD, thats all i cared about.

What an idiot your friend sounds. I voluntarily had a second CS, and it was a really lovely birth experience. We went home the next day, I did a Tesco shop on day 4 and was driving 3 and a bit weeks post section.

I also had an EMCS first time round, had a not insignificant wound infection which needed a few courses of antibiotics, and couldn't drive for 6+ weeks, but it still wasn't all that bad - I held my baby constantly and still opted for CS number 2. And it was a (fairly major, done in a hurry when forceps failed) emergency, which is not what you would be having anyway.

If you do opt for a CS, a theatre nurse friend recommended that I thoroughly wash the relevant area with hibiscrub (and do my own shave) pre CS #2, and also wash the wound with hibiscrub on days 1,3 and 5. I did, and didn't have an infection with this CS.

Doctor at my 38 week check suspected DD was breech, despite having been told all the way along was head down. Doc was right to suspect and I was offered ECV, like you, I wasn't comfortable with the procedure and was booked in for CS the following week.

I had a great experience, everything was calm and explained to me and after surgery was told there was no way DD would have come out any other route, she was wedged in there and were convinced she had been this way most of pregnancy, grew in the spot she was in and got stuck. So thankful to that doctor for getting me a scan, otherwise would have unwittingly have gone into labour and ended up with EMCS anyway, so I am grateful we were spared that.

Anyway, I digress... I had no infection, my husband had to go back to work the day after DD was born, my mum was able to be with me for first week and come the second week I was on my own (during the day) all was fine.

Oh yes, I'm sure the baby sleeps for 12 hours and doesn't even wake to feed, it was probably coming out the "proper" way that sorted that

Of course it does Slh .

The only babies I know who genuinely slept through had mothers who kept their mouths firmly shut about it so they didn't piss the rest of us off!

I refused ECV. Was booked in for ELCS but ended up having an EMCS 2 days prior to planned op.

After 2 previous vaginal deliveries I have to say that the EMCS was by far my best birthing experience- the time in teh Theatre, the staff made me feel like the most important person on earth.

My recovery was quicker and better also.

what an accomplishment it was for her to give birth naturally, and how she'd never allow a c section as she'd feel the experience would have been 'stolen' from her
Ooh I do love a good competitive birth comments thread - I adopted so when I hear comments like this (sadly mostly gone now DS is 8), I wail theatrically "I'M SUCH A FAILURE. I'M NOT A REAL WOMAN!"

Actually I don't - I practiced a genuine sounding slight snigger and didn't say anything more.

Seriously, I live in a country where CSs are very unusual. There is a high rate of infant mortality, maternal mortality and serious health issues caused by the birth for both mother and child.

Having a CS is not a failure. It's a life saving operation.

Yanbu She doesn't sound like a friend and she talks utter bollox

Your friend is a twat!!!

I've had 3 DC first born naturally 2nd born breech naturally but only cause I was in labour 45mins I was cut to bits baby was in shock when he was born and I didn't get to hold him for 4 days as he was sbc! 3rd was a planned cs at 36 weeks (as other DC were early) and big baby I was perfectly fine up and about following day no infection at all hardly any pain at all but I took painkillers religiously!

Not everyone's the same as long as yourself and baby are fine whats the problem how he/she comes out!!

I haven't read past post.

But your friend is a dick.

I had a C-Section Cat 1 so It wasn't planned and emergency. However I'd say she's trying to scare you with the crap about people not being able to hold their child. I got out of theatre at 7am, I had my catheter out and was walking around my room at 2pm the same day. I was home the next day and did everything for my child. It was fucking hard but you CAN do it if you want to. It's uncomfortable at first but if you don't strain yourself it doesn't hurt.

Honestly the only time I hurt myself was when I tried to get into my mothers car (sports car). I did the injections at home and the midwife took the box of needles. I did get an infection but that was due to having non-disposable stitches in and I wasn't informed so they weren't taken out.

I even went to Asda the day after to get my DC some clothes as he was to small.

Ignore her

I had a vaginal birth the first time and DS had shoulder dystocia and wasn't breathing at all, I was on loads of painkillers as it was a really rough birth and didn't cuddle him very much for a week as he was so poorly.

DS2 was ELCS and I fed him immediately and hardly put him down for our 2 night stay in hospital. I was on my own with him and my 2 YO on day 4 as DH was away and was driving within 2 weeks.

I know lots of people who have had both types of birth and the stories vary, I also know several people who have an ECV but don't know anyone it has worked for. Two people went into labour within a few hours though and still had to have c-secs.

she sounds like a dick. Maybe she isn't sure of herself which is why she needs to belittle others.

On the plus side at least you know now before you are off together. Maybe be busy when she tries to meet up.

I don't think YABU at all. I think you should trust your instincts and stay away from her xxxx

Why on earth does the word failure ever get mentioned in relation to this topic?? It's not a fucking test . You'd think people were going to be graded on their performance and handed out birth pass certificates. Your friend is being an insufferable ignoramus. She clearly knows fuck all about it and is obviously best ignored.