To be upset by my friend saying this? Or am I over reacting?

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Yesterday at my 36 week MW appointment the midwife told me it feels like the baby has turned breech. I'm going for a scan on Thursday to confirm baby's position and then she said the consultant will offer me an ECV, otherwise I'll be booked in for a c section at 39 weeks.
I was talking about it with my friend today (she had a baby last month) and told her that I was planning on saying no to the ECV as I don't feel comfortable with it or the risks associated. She then said 'why would you willingly choose to have a c section?' And started going on about all the women on her post natal ward who had had c sections - apparently 'all of them' had infections from the op and only 2 of them had been able to hold their baby more than once in over a week. She then went on to tell me about what an accomplishment it was for her to give birth naturally, and how she'd never allow a c section as she'd feel the experience would have been 'stolen' from her.
AIBU to feel upset by what she said or am I over thinking things and over reacting? I feel like just not speaking to her anymore.

Don't be shy in the hospital with the buzzer/bell if you do have a cs. That's what it's there for. The MW will pass you your baby/change it if need be.

Well you chose to have a numpty for a friend, what did you expect?

Bullshit!!!

My baby was the original limpet baby and was from the word go... He was held and cuddled and snuggled almost every minute we were in hospital.

I was all set for a lavender scented woo hypno water birth and my baby turned out to be breech & back to back at 40weeks. I was in shock and basically fell to pieces as i had thought at least I'll Start the labour as planned even if it all goes to pot afterwards, and it just caught me off guard and I was totally floored.

If a 'friend' had said that to me I would have not been in touch ever again. So mean and smug and insensitive. Whatever her motives she wasnt thinking about you, and that makes me cross on your behalf!

The thing I did that helped no end was to post my very first thread on mumsnet asking exactly what happens in a csection and afterwards. I went into hospital prepared and with positive balanced scenarios.

YANBU. Of course it's very reasonable to choose a C-section if its the best and safest option, which you have been offered for medical reasons and would be most comfortable with. It's none of anyone else's business, particularly if they're going to judge on no evidence except hearsay!

I declined an ECV and opted for an ELCS with dc2 after having a really easy vb with dc1. I did have several relatives (my own mother and my mil included) telling me I was mad and I'd end up scarred for life and all sorts of other interesting points of view. I tried to ignore them but it did annoy me that they felt the need to comment negatively on my decision, which I'd actually spent a long time researching (baby was either breech or transverse from 28wks so I had a lot of warning about what the end choice would be)

I'm glad I had the elcs. It was lovely and relaxed and I completely remember meeting my dd, unlike after my vb where I was just too shocked that a person had emerged from my fanjo to care much about what he looked like. And I was up and about within 24hrs. I'm not in the UK so I automatically got a five night stay in hospital, but would have happily gone home on day 2.

if she asks you that question tell her that you don't see birth as a competition and feel that the people that do are quite sad really. Seriously, the only thing that's been 'stolen' is her sanity.

Mine is currently back to back and breech. I know an acupuncturist with an amazing record for turning babies where ECVs have failed and consultants have said there's no hope they'll turn etc. I plan to go and see her if still breech in a week or so.
I wouldn't have an ECV. I would either face a vaginal breech birth or C-section.
Lovely home birth went out of the window last time and may do so again for second and final baby.
Your friend was a bit insensitive, but so soon after having a baby she probably doesn't remember her name, let alone social graces.

I have scanned through most of this thread and may be the only person on here who has had a successful ECV. But! I had it just prior to delivery,

I had polyhydramnios, and because of the excess fluid in my womb, DS2 was having a fine old time swimming around in there. He was transverse oblique unstable lie, which basically means his head was up under my ribs and he was lying diagonally across me most of the time - BUT he was quite able to change position (head under the other side of the ribs, usually) even at 39w, which is when I was induced. My consultant warned me that if I went into spontaneous labour, I'd be having an emCS - but there wasn't much chance of that (my babies are slow cookers!)

So. I went in for pre-induction on the Monday, had something called Cervidil inserted, which gave me lots of period-like contractions but did indeed ripen the cervix sufficiently for me to be induced on the Weds morning.

The ECV was really quite painful, I won't lie. I told the consultant that I'd managed to avoid stretchmarks so far and I didn't want him giving me any thanks! But it did work, DS2 went head down and then had to be held in place with strapped-on towels while they broke my waters. This didn't work the first time around, so I was put on the syntocinon drip to push his head down into my pelvis, to give enough resistance that the membranes could be ruptured. The drip was fine until my membranes were ruptured, at which point the contractions got A LOT worse - but DS2 was born vaginally after about 4h, and I had no problems after (apart from a slightly bruised-feeling belly!)

So it can work, and you can get a VB if it's done properly - but there was no way on earth I was going to have accepted an early ECV, as that is where the potential risks lie, IMO - cord wrapping, placental abruption etc.

I had tried moxibustion, acupuncture, some of the "spinning baby" positions (but had to be careful as I had SPD as well) and none of these worked at all - or rather, they might have done, but as there was so much fluid in there, DS2 just kept swimming.

Anyway, I thought I'd share that with you - but in answer to your question, your friend was being a completely insensitive twat to have said that to you and you'd do well to avoid her from now on. It is far more important that you do what is right for you and your baby than try to stick to some stupid notion that somehow VB is "better" - it's not necessarily.

It is still worth you giving the moxibustion/ acupuncture/ baby-spinning/ reflexology etc. a go - why not? - but if it doesn't work then just accept that your baby is going to be awkward (mine is! ) and have the elCS if that's what you want to do. Good luck! :)

My first was breech and I followed orders to have a c- section. Partly though my free choice was taken away because the hospital had no experience of delivering a vaginal breech and not one midwife had seen such a birth.

Really do try the muxibustion. It works for quite a few turning wise.

My main regret with having a c section is that it effected all my other vaginal 3 births. It meant I had to be monitored v closely and couldn't use the birthing pool with the boys. So in reality having a c- cessation medicalised all my other births

My first was breech and I followed orders to have a c- section. Partly though my free choice was taken away because the hospital had no experience of delivering a vaginal breech and not one midwife had seen such a birth.

Really do try the muxibustion. It works for quite a few turning wise.

My main regret with having a c section is that it effected all my other vaginal 3 births. It meant I had to be monitored v closely and couldn't use the birthing pool with the boys. So in reality having a c- cessation medicalised all my other births

insensitive idiot. I had a vb with loads of complications and long term problems as a result. my friend had a cs and was up and about later that day. merely anecdotal I . know, but my point is our its NOT true to say ant vb is 'better' than any cs.

I'm still due surgery for my vb injuries, my friends has only a minor scar on her belly and its otherwise in good shape. (envious but pleased for her)

Your friend is an ass.

I would do what is best for you and your baby and don't take any notice of her. If her birth was such an achievement why was she still on the ward a week later? I had two ventouse deliveries, and two vbac births, but I was convinced dd2 was going to be a cesarean as she was distressed. Because she was in distress (and I could hear her heart decelerating on the blasted monitor with every contraction) I was stressed and this went on for approx six hours. A cesarean would have been so much less stressful I am sure.

She sounds like a dick. And I say that as someone who is proud of their birth. If I was in your situation I would also asked about a vaginal breech birth and decided if I felt the HCP around me had enough experience to assist me to birth a breach baby. However as your friend I might ask you how you are feeling and get you a link for the Spinning babies website. I'd also try to mention a friend's birth story that was a really positive C Section.

Complete and utter bull that none of them could hold their babies after a section!
Ds1 was an emcs and he was placed beside me as soon as I was put on the ward, couldn't get to him mind but all I had to do was call.
Dd and Ds2 were 33 weeks, born by the back of 6 in the morning and I was wheeled up to see them by tea time and my parents took me up for a cuddle at visiting time.
I had them on the Wednesday and by the Monday I had dropped Ds1 at school and was on the bus to go visit them by 9am!
No infections that would stop me holding my babies with either C-section, you do sometimes get small spot infections but that is generally due to not drying the area properly as the area hurts like hell at first, you can smell it slightly its no biggie just lie down and hold a maternity pad on the area after your shower to dry it properly and it should stop it.
Try not to worry about what was said to you will be fine!

She is an idiot. I would guess she is feeling inadequate in some other aspect of parenting, hence the twisted need to harp on about it and make you feel bad!

I was in your position 6 months ago. I opted for an ECV, mostly due to a lot of pressure from midwives/ family/ friends to have a "natural" birth. It of course did not work, and was bloody sore to boot. I felt terrible and guilty as all those in the "natural camp" kept suggesting i would be missing out, and one even said I had opted for the "easy option" (Ffs- it's surgery!!!)
Anyway- i had an elective caesarian a couple of weeks later, as really all the science say it is far safer for a breech baby, and it was brilliant. Amazing staff, minimal pain (was even give local before having the drip inserted!) and most importantly a healthy little baby who I was having skin to skin with and breast feeding within 30 minutes. I was home the next day, and went on daily walks from day 3. No infections.
Still breast feeding.

So I see where you're coming from, but really, a healthy baby is surely the end goal in all this? Ignore her.

Sometimes even good friends make stupid remarks. Especially good friends who are still on a hormone high with a newish pfb. If she is a good friend otherwise I'd probably tell her that those comments had hurt and that you felt judged when you believe that it is each woman's privilege to determine how she gives birth, if that choice is available. She'll probably be horrified that her comment had such an impact ( but she should have kept her trap shut! it was v insensitive of her as pp's have said.) if she's not a good friend then I'd do as others have suggested, wide berth for the foreseeable!

And her baby might sleep through. If she is a good friend of yours then I'm sure you would be pleased for her. Just because many babies/small children don't and a lot of parents have a really tough time it doesn't mean that those people who are having an easier ride should shut up. But they should be sensitive when talking about it!

Go luck OP. You'll work your own way through being a mum brilliantly.

Also worth bearing in mind that an "emergency" c-section isn't always as dramatic as it sounds. It could just be unplanned, as opposed to a life-saving event.

I had a c section after my DD was found to be breach after my waters had broken.

I was more than happy to have a section as it was the safest way to have her. Had we known earlier that she was breach I would have refused to let them try and turn her - too risky for me and heard some terrible things about it.

After my section I was able to look after her with no help from the medical staff. I was up and about the next day with only a bit if discomfort. I had the usual problems breast feeding that were sorted out pretty quickly. Overall, my experience was positive and more importantly, my baby girl arrived safely

I've had one of both. The first was 'emergency' but in terms of comfort afterwards, I recovered more quickly than my second 'natural' birth. I've only been left was a very slight scar from my c section, however, 2 years on, I've been left with a horrible nagging ache every day from my vaginal birth (snapped my coccyx), can't sit down without doing it slowly, and was in utter agony from it for the first 2 months. After my c section, I didn't wee myself every time I coughed or sneezed, now I do.

I did bond with my dd2 (vbac) better than ds1 but I didn't have the crippling PND with her that I did first time round. For a while, I believed it was the birth experience that made the difference. Now I know it wasn't that.

Good luck. What's important is for your dc to be born the way you think is best for you, whatever that is.

Just to update, I've had a scan today and the baby is actually head down after all that!
The best part of my day though was telling the midwife before the scan that I was going to refuse an ECV and her arguing with me she said 'I bet you've been reading those Internet horror stories haven't you?'

Fantastic news, but even if you did not manage to 'achieve' that, YWNBU thinking what you did about your 'friend'. I had one DD by natural birth, I had the second by EMCS with epidural and my DS by EMCS under GA.

I love them all the same and am thankful every day that they are all alove and well and reasonably healthy!

That is all that matters.

Spongingbobsunderpants, I broke my coccyx 4 years before DD1 was born, her birth made it worse. The best thing I ever did was have it removed 2 years afterwards. Ask your doctor about that and refuse to be fobbed off, if it is still giving you trouble!

nice friend... I can guarantee if she was told the only way her and her child were going to get through the birth alive she'd go for the caesarian.

ignore her and ask her if she means to be such a stupid bitch of she starts again

Wow sounds like the midwife is a bit of a dick too :) Glad I baby is heads down. Hope you have a smooth labour surrounded by supportive and caring people.

Brilliant news, good luck...