Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by my friend saying this? Or am I over reacting?

151 replies

Slh122 · 07/01/2014 18:23

Yesterday at my 36 week MW appointment the midwife told me it feels like the baby has turned breech. I'm going for a scan on Thursday to confirm baby's position and then she said the consultant will offer me an ECV, otherwise I'll be booked in for a c section at 39 weeks.
I was talking about it with my friend today (she had a baby last month) and told her that I was planning on saying no to the ECV as I don't feel comfortable with it or the risks associated. She then said 'why would you willingly choose to have a c section?' And started going on about all the women on her post natal ward who had had c sections - apparently 'all of them' had infections from the op and only 2 of them had been able to hold their baby more than once in over a week. She then went on to tell me about what an accomplishment it was for her to give birth naturally, and how she'd never allow a c section as she'd feel the experience would have been 'stolen' from her. Hmm
AIBU to feel upset by what she said or am I over thinking things and over reacting? I feel like just not speaking to her anymore.

OP posts:
funkybuddah · 07/01/2014 21:49

She's a dick.
I wouldnt have a c section by choice but if it meant the safe delivery /where the professionals were in doubt, Id be all for it.
But that is my view andmeans jack shit to anyone else (best friend has had 4 sections, 2 elective, I didnt care how her babies were born)
Like a previous poster I was prepped and ready for a section but they vacuumed DC1 out in the end, but at the time it was the safest option.

I hate all this 'Giving birth naturally is the only way' Is a healty child born, yes. End of converstaion

(I have a toothache and am a bit ratty tonight, apologies)

elliejjtiny · 07/01/2014 21:55

I had an ELCS with DS4 because of various reasons including him being in the wrong position. I didn't have any of the problems that your friend mentioned and neither did anyone else on the ward from what I heard (I felt like I knew everyone's birth experiences in great detail by the time they'd told all their visitors very loudly!) In fact the lady in the next bed was following the midwives round the ward the day after, asking when her discharge paperwork would be ready.

I would have preferred to have had a VB and I would have preferred for DS4 to not have spent 4 weeks in NICU/SCBU but both were necessary. Good luck and make sure you pack a few nighties/pairs of pj's. I wore the same set for the 3 days I was in and felt really manky by the end. A shower and some clean pj's every evening would have been really nice but with scbu visits, expressing and drugs rounds taking up most of my time it was a choice between being clean and sleeping and I chose sleeping Smile.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 07/01/2014 21:56

Had ds2 by emcs.

No issues with my recovery, held him all of the time [ with the aid of the bell and good midwives] and breastfed him initially.

Got home and all was fabulous, ignore your twatty friend.

wherethewildthingis · 07/01/2014 22:00

Your friend is an arse, I had my son by emcs and went home two days later, looked after him fine and even got married two weeks later. And my fanjo is in fine fettle Smile

frumpet · 07/01/2014 22:05

Your friend has had a baby , therefore it stands to reason that she knows everything there is to know about childbirth Hmm
I had two vaginal deliveries and one Emergency c-section . The recovery from the c section was way easier than the recovery from the first vaginal birth by a long shot .
I would choose a c section over death any day of the week , as i am sure all the poor women who died prior to it being an option would have .

Riprap63 · 07/01/2014 22:06

Go Frumpet....

Shellywelly1973 · 07/01/2014 22:09

Until yesterday I thought it was very likely I would have c/s. I'm 37 weeks & it appears my baby turned in the last week or so.

It's my 6th dc. All vb & even 2 water births, no pain relief blah blah blah...

At the end of the day a healthy baby & mother is the most important thing. My concerns were to do with the recovery from a c/s...but if I needed one then of course I would gave had a c/s.

highho1 · 07/01/2014 22:10

3 csections here and no infections. Despite being obese. Held all babies normally.
I would say you are wise going for csection. I wish I had an elective 2nd time round. So much better than 1st emergency one.

ukatlast · 07/01/2014 22:14

I wouldn't want my baby 'turned'...if it's breech elective C-section is the safest option for your baby.
I don't get that 'can't hold the baby nonsense' - I held my baby whilst they were still stitching me up painlessly after elective C-section. Infection certainly doesn't happen to everyone. It didn't happen to me.

Gruntfuttock · 07/01/2014 22:15

Slh122 I Googled ECV as I didn't know what it meant, and found this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/a1542806-Are-people-aware-of-the-dangers-of-ECV which backs you up in your fears about it not being a safe procedure.

Riprap63 · 07/01/2014 22:18

I would worry about cord problems. How can they tell it's not wrapped around wrong, do they ultra sound.

elQuintoConyo · 07/01/2014 22:19

Your friend friend, my arse! would LOVE my DSil who had all of her 5 dc by cesarian.

I hate people who bore on about how the eay they gave birth was superior - odfod!

YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 07/01/2014 22:21

I had a terrible VB with my first - hands down the worst experience of my life.

Had an ELCS for the second - it was the best experience of my life.

I had no trouble whatsoever looking after my newborn after the ELCS and I was in a private room off the ward and didn't have (or need) midwives helping with care of the baby.

Your friend is daft.

AnotherStitchInTime · 07/01/2014 22:42

YADNBU

Your friend is very insensitive.

I have had 3 c-sections.

The first two were emergency cs. I breastfed within half an hour, was up the next day changing and feeding them. Home after two nights stay. No infections.

The last, two weeks ago was Elective, very complicated, had a hysterectomy and blood transfusions (not related to c section, but problem with placenta). I breastfed and held my baby within an hour of being out of theatre and he was solely breastfed after that point. In the high dependency unit the midwives passed me my baby every time I asked until I was mobile on day 4. I went home on day 5. No infection.

I wanted a vaginal birth every time, it wasn't to be, but without the c sections neither me or my kids would be here. I refuse to be made to feel second rate because I didn't. I think it is an accomplishment that I have coped with three newborns (and other children) after major abdominal surgery, I do not feel the need to put down someone else who has had a vaginal birth to make myself feel good about it.

Good luck OP, you and your baby will be just fine :)

bochead · 07/01/2014 22:53

Your friend is an ignorant cow.

It's between you and the medics - noone else's opinion matters in the slightest as they don't have ALL the info to hand to best ensure the desired result of a healthy Mum and babe at the end of the birthing process.

I hate the fact she's tried to scare you, who does that to another woman about to give birth? That's just sick imho! Sisterhood rules say we should be encouraging and supportive of one another at such a hormonally sensitive time. She's no friend, just a spiteful cow I'd be too busy to have any contact with for a LONG time.

Original poster
Slh122 · 07/01/2014 23:40

Wow a lot of responses, I didn't realise that c sections were that common!
I've just ignored her since - as long as me and the baby both end up in one piece, that's all I'm bothered about.
Thanks everyone for all your encouraging responses as well, was starting to get a bit scared but feel a lot better after reading so many positive experiences.

OP posts:
falulahthecat · 08/01/2014 00:17

Vaginal birth is natural, yes.
BUT - what people forget is that childbirth was the number 1 killer for women since we started walking on two legs, and quite frankly, you don't want to end up having an emergency c-section anyways, like both of my sisters, who were, incidentally, home in a few days, and holding their babies all night and ruddy day. Grin

Kewcumber · 08/01/2014 00:30

Pulling your teeth out without pain relief is pretty "natural" too. Perhaps you'd like to suggest that to her?

PansOnFire · 08/01/2014 00:30

Just wanted to reiterate what everyone has said so far: your friend is awful and you should do what feels right for you and your baby. Honestly, when it comes to babies everyone is the bloody expert, just wait until she starts with the unwanted advice about everything else. You need to learn the 'smile, nod, ignore' reaction, it's taken me a while but boy does it help.

Motherhood starts with decisions like these, this is the time to trust your instincts. You will make the right decision, don't let people like her sway you to something you are not comfortable with, motherhood is hard enough without people like her.

FYI I had a vaginal birth, ended up with an infection which turned septic, I thought my aches and pains were normal after giving birth. My friend had a c section and has been fine, actually she's been brilliant. It's different for everyone. Good luck.

Inkspellme · 08/01/2014 08:49

Apart from being completly insensitive its also utter rubbish. I had two sections. first one due to baby being breech. Held babies no problem. needed help at home simply due to bending over.

I did get an infection on second section. It was easily treated, wasn't agony, and did not actually affect how much I held my son .

There are no medals for childcare and whilst its good she feels she had a positive experience it doesn't mean thats the only way to feel that way.

Slatecross · 08/01/2014 10:29

A QUARTER of all uk births are CS. I had my 3 children by utterly pain free elective section. It's not for everyone but it was right for us. As a previous poster said, I bet this friend also turns out to be uber irritating with her competitive parenting. Bet her baby speaks Mandarin shortly.

SquinkiesRule · 08/01/2014 10:33

Ignore your silly friend.
I had two breech babies, neither were discovered till I was already in labour. Both born the next day by C-section after medication to slow labour overnight and no infections and two healthy babies (which is the outcome we wanted right?)

Szeli · 08/01/2014 11:21

YANBU and you have to do what feels right for YOU and your baby.

Fwiw tho, your friend described my birth experience.

EMCS, infection, unable to hold my son. Couldn't properly til about 3 months and still struggle for extended periods now. Felt cheated, am upset I will never know what childbirth feels like (I'm informed its shit but I'd still like to know), couldn't breast feed due to the drugs and the overwhelming feeling of failure didnt help my PND.

OtOh had I gone in knowing I was having a section, a lot of the above wouldn't have happened and everyone I know who has had a planned CS had stated its the best thing since sliced bread.

I know what I'd do in your shoes, but they aren't my shoes to fill, you know yourself and you know your body, don't let so called friends marr this exciting time for you

Princess28 · 08/01/2014 11:26

I've had 2 c sections. First emergency after a five day induction and the second planned. Was breastfeeding in the recovery room within 45 mins of both and was discharged the following day with both. No problems with the scar- in fact it hurt more when I had my appendix out (and then I was allowed copious amounts of morphine- bliss!). My appendix scar looks horrible but with both my sections my scar looks so good I've had midwives say 'ooh- who was your surgeon' like I'd had plastic surgery!

Your friend is being an idiot

eggsandwich · 08/01/2014 11:39

Sorry but your friend really should find out the facts before she starts talking shit! speaking as someone who has had two c sections the first was not out of choice not that makes a difference but when I had my first c section I was up and walking around two hours after and caring and holding my baby, I had no infection after though with my second baby I did but then I was told that there was a slight risk that I could get an infection along the scar, but as soon as I got the infection I was given cream to deal with it, but its not a forgone conclusion that you will get an infection, I think with me I didn't really dry myself along the scar properly after a bath, lets hope any further children she has that she doesn't need a c section.