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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by my friend saying this? Or am I over reacting?

151 replies

Slh122 · 07/01/2014 18:23

Yesterday at my 36 week MW appointment the midwife told me it feels like the baby has turned breech. I'm going for a scan on Thursday to confirm baby's position and then she said the consultant will offer me an ECV, otherwise I'll be booked in for a c section at 39 weeks.
I was talking about it with my friend today (she had a baby last month) and told her that I was planning on saying no to the ECV as I don't feel comfortable with it or the risks associated. She then said 'why would you willingly choose to have a c section?' And started going on about all the women on her post natal ward who had had c sections - apparently 'all of them' had infections from the op and only 2 of them had been able to hold their baby more than once in over a week. She then went on to tell me about what an accomplishment it was for her to give birth naturally, and how she'd never allow a c section as she'd feel the experience would have been 'stolen' from her. Hmm
AIBU to feel upset by what she said or am I over thinking things and over reacting? I feel like just not speaking to her anymore.

OP posts:
everlong · 07/01/2014 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook · 07/01/2014 18:49

I got an infection in my second degree tear the first time around and couldn't walk properly for weeks.

LunaticFringe · 07/01/2014 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Riprap63 · 07/01/2014 18:50

I had two emergency c-sections. The hospital bullied me into trying for a vbac. I wanted section, for very good reasons. So I went with vbac, I ended up with a section under general and totally missed the birth of my second child. I went against my gut and boy did I regret it. I never had infections. Yes, I missed out on the birth experience, and I had to deal with that, but it was nothing compared to the trauma of a crash section.

fluffyraggies · 07/01/2014 18:50

OP ask your MW for some reassurance. DH and i did a labor ward tour last week (due in a few days) and the MW showing us round was talking about average length of stay in their shiney new birth complex and wards. I remember her saying that most ladies don't even end up spending the night, and are encouraged to go home a few hours after birth ....

... Even those who have had C sections. Unusual to need more than one night in hospital

So i dont believe your friends tale.
Flowers

anothernumberone · 07/01/2014 18:54

In your situation I would look up the actual rates of infection associated with a c section and the actual risks of ECV because I certainly wouldn't base my decisions in your friend's ward because data is not the plural of anecdote. She was being insensitive.

DontmindifIdo · 07/01/2014 18:54

Your friend is both a twat and wrong. planned c sections are incredibly safe, although a lot are lumped in with emergancy ones when looking at c section recovery.

ask to see a consultant and ask for the real risks. Oh and all the woman who've had problems with infections from birth that I've met have had vaginal births.

You aren't going to have a 'breathe the baby out' type birth, so it's pointless comparing that with c section. Compare the rates from instrumental vaginal births and ELCS (not emergancy).

Joysmum · 07/01/2014 18:54

Things have changed if most people don't spend a night in hospital after a c section now.

ProfYaffle · 07/01/2014 18:55

I had 2 cs, both times it was very smooth and no complications. No infections, up and about the same day, by day 5 with dd1 I was walking to the pub, bf both dc for a year each. I agree with redtoothbrush.

PrimalLass · 07/01/2014 18:56

Jeez I would not have wanted to home after one night though.

WelshMaenad · 07/01/2014 18:57

YANBU, that was really smug and unhelpful of her.

Fwiw I had a terrible recovery from an emergency c section followed by a wonderful elective caesarean birth with a really quick recovery. If you do end up having to have a c section I recommend a Theraline caesarean belt, lots of. Manuka honey, and the most positive frame of mind you can muster.

Clobbered · 07/01/2014 18:57

Your friend is a twit.

If you don't fancy the ECV (I wouldn't), don't do it. DSis had ECV - felt she was giving baby the best chance of being born naturally, but actually the baby was breech and big and that's why she hadn't turned by herself and the ECV failed. Ended up with a very bruised uterus, C section and post-opinfection (I'm convinced at least partly as a result of all the messing around with the ECV).
Just go for the section and be done with it. My BF drove over a hundred miles to see me with her newborn 3 weeks after a section (mad I know, but she was completely fine!)

Joiningthegang · 07/01/2014 18:57

I elected to have c section for breech - all fine, no infections at all, cuddled babies immediately - I say babies as I went on to have 2 more c sections and no infection.

She was insensitive - maybe her experience of c sections that she witnessed was as she said but lots of us have had pretty straightforward experiences

OHforDUCKScake · 07/01/2014 18:59

She sounds like a twat.

Do you know her from an NCT group.....?

nessus · 07/01/2014 18:59

Regardless of her views on C-S, it really was not / is not the right time to be sharing it with you. Next time you want to share, try speaking to people you deem sensitive to your needs and who have a touch of emotional intelligence about them.

Hope baby turns back in time as an operation is an operation is an operation. I had a vaginal birth (loathe to call it 'natural' in relation to the convo we are currently having) and for what it is worth, I would rather no have had to pee in water for a month to alleviate the stinging pain from tearing. And yes, it did make me apprehensive to even think of having cough anything inserted in me for a very very long time...

flippinada · 07/01/2014 18:59

This reminds me of someones (who shall remain nameless) response after I had an EMCS . We'll just call them passive aggressive nitwit, or PAN for short.

PAN: "You mustn't feel that you've failed by having a CS"

ME: "Thanks, but I don't"

WelshMaenad · 07/01/2014 18:59

Also, I too would refuse an ECV, you're not alone. I would also opt for a CS over an induction, personally. Not everyone will agree, but the point is that this is YOUR pregnancy and birth and these are your choices to make. If they work for you, they're the right choices.

Bodypopper · 07/01/2014 19:02

What a silly tiresome ignorant test your friend is op.

Having a child is soooo much more than giving birth.

Is it her pfb? If do she needs to learn the first lesson if parenting! Never be smug to other mothers. It will surely bite you in the arse.

flippinada · 07/01/2014 19:04

Btw both I and my DS were fine - and he was 4 weeks early. No problems getting out and about (appeared from the usual just had a baby stuff) and no infections.

RunRunRuby · 07/01/2014 19:05

YANBU. Your friend is insensitive and rude. You need to make the best decision for you and your baby. That's all that really matters. If I ever have children I'll have to have C-sections as I've had bowel surgery and so can't give birth naturally. I know vaginal birth is no walk in the park, but having had massive abdominal surgery, I don't think anyone can say it's an easy option or any less of an 'accomplishment'. Although I find the idea of birth being an accomplishment a bit Hmm it seems to imply that women and babies who aren't so lucky and experience complications have failed in some way.

flippinada · 07/01/2014 19:05

Grrr, apart not appeared!

Pigsmummy · 07/01/2014 19:11

Do what is right for you. For what it's worth when I had my baby I met several Mums who had a section and not one had an infection.

I don't agree that your friend was being a twonk, I think/hope your friend was trying to be helpful having formed her opinion about C sections but she isn't you and can't possibly predict your birth or outcome. Whilst I wouldn't say ignore her totally I would say talk to your midwife about your feelings having had this chat with your friend.

Good luck! Soon you will have a scrummy baby!

OHforDUCKScake · 07/01/2014 19:12

No one I know who has had a sections have had infections. I always thought they were relatively unlikely.

I too would refuse an ECV.

Fuckalella · 07/01/2014 19:14

YANBU. Your friend is extremely insensitive.

FWIW I've had one of each, the VB was pretty difficult but the CS was a completely different experience; I found it very positive. I did get an infection afterwards but it was minor and antibiotics sorted it out quickly.

racmun · 07/01/2014 19:21

I had dd by section as she was breach, I had low fluid so the didn't offer ECV but I looked into it and I too would have declined due to the risks.

Does your 'friend' realise that you're not having a section by choice but because your baby is the wrong way up.
Lucky her that she didn't have any complications, I'm sure you'd like to be in that position!

I had ds1 naturally and I don't feel any more or less bonded with dd due to having a section.

I really think one can get too hung up on the perfect birth experience, my priority was just to make sure that baby and I were safe, I didn't care how that happened.

Don't listen to her - she sounds like a righteous bitch