to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

[SeptemberFlowers]

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."



I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one

[Caitlin17]

Oh and I completely agree with posters who say your sister is not this child's stepmother. And as for " building up relationships between your children and this child" what nonsense.

[Caitlin17]

Nickname then absolutely not. I'd treat the 3 very small presents then as stuff you bring to your hosts at Christmas when you visit.

[SeptemberFlowers]

Little update for those interested.

I texted this earlier.

"For the sake of family, can we put this behind us or talk about it ? I would hate for a small thing like this to stop us talking. Let me know."

She texted this later tonight.
"I could talk about it I suppose but C still is very disappointed in you all and I was a bit ashamed about it. So in order for us to move on (which I would like) I would ask that you email a direct apology to him."

I haven't replied yet. As I'm and

[NicknameIncomplete]

I would email him an apology. An apology that said you are sorry you ever met the man child & then tell him to fuck off.

[Caitlin17]

YANBU. Sorry my first post was before I'd read the whole thread. Your sister is bonkers, so is her boyfriend.

[PumpkinPositive]

Your sister appears to be a touch pompous and itching for a fight. With some people, the more you try placate them, the more unreasonable they become - because they read your attempts at patch things up as an admission that THEY ARE RIGHT!!

Unless you're absolutely gasping for a resumption of sisterly relations, I would ignore that text.

[clam]

Seriously?

Ignore.

[BakerStreetSaxRift]

Ok, it sounds like your sister's DP is possibly not a Jews nice guy, he is controlling and trying to make your sister fall out with you to show how much he means to her, or something.

Your DSis sounds like an idiot. He sounds like an utter prick.

I'd tell her to wind her neck in.

[BakerStreetSaxRift]

Jews?! I meant VERY!

Jews is a word that pops up a lot on my predictive text, but I can't think of a single time I have intentionally written the word for my phone to think it's something I want to talk about so often!

[YellowDinosaur]

I'd be asking why you're expected to buy a present for a child you've met once, who wasn't there, and isn't related to you when this is the first time in 10 years she's bought anything for her niece / nephew. And that you'll think about emailing him an apology when she emails them 10

[rockybalboa]

I can't help but chortle at the idea of keeping a few wrapped up selection boxes for unexpected child guests. Like they'd last 2 minutes here if I needed a chocolate fix...

[WaitMonkey]

rocky

[WaitMonkey]

I'm honestly lost for words at your update.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

She's ridiculous.

[CalamityKate]

Rocky

My old flatmate was ever so organised one year and bought loads of Easter eggs for her numerous little relations, well ahead of Easter.

We ate the lot

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

She's a knob. I would not be offering anymore olive branch's

[SaucyJack]

I don't think it's her that's being to knob after reading that

[onedev]

That's ridiculous, I'd be telling her where to go. Has she never heard that you're not meant to give in order to receive??

[magesticmallow]

What??? Oh you have to reply but by email and to your sister and cc her boyfriend but think carefully and compose a good one (as opposed to the "oh please fuck off you loon" that would be a knee jerk reply)

[ChippingInWadesIn]

Why do you want her in your life?

[exexpat]

Message for sister's boyfriend:

"I am very sorry that since I have only met your daughter once and you did not bring her with you to our Christmas get-together, it did not occur to me that you would be expecting a present for her."

Is that enough of a nonapology?

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

I apologise - I had missed the fact that your sister does not live with her partner. I had seen the 50/50 custody arrangement mentioned & assumed that the child lived 50% of the time with both your sister & partner. And, yes, I did read the thread - just missed that one important point .

In that case, I see no reason why you would buy a gift for a child you don't know, who wasn't even present at the meet up. Yes, you could have bought a token gift - but you certainly weren't in the wrong not to.

And as for the latest response to your olive branch - ask your sister to send a direct letter of apology to each of your DC for every Christmas & Birthday card/present she has forgotten to buy for them over the years.

[RunRabbit]

Doesn't sound like much of a loss of a relationship TBH.

She sounds try hard with her new relationship. Willing to jeopardise her relationship with her own sister for him.

She should apologise to you for behaving like a wank OP.

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

I'm with your DH, actually. Tell her and her over-entitled boyfriend to "do one".

Ridiculous scenario - and what does he want the apology for? He apparently didn't put in for the smarties for your children, so why the actual fuck does he expect you to cough up for his daughter, whom he didn't even bring with him? Or perhaps he was hoping to use your present as an extra one from himself, since she wouldn't likely have a fucking clue who you were!

But f you really feel the need to do an "apology", try along the lines of what exexpat has written, that's a great non-apology.