to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

[SeptemberFlowers]

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."

I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one

just had a bit of a panic there until i saw how long they've been together (seeing your sis's name and knowing what an arse my ex can be!) - would hate to think that any daughter of mine would have been dragged into such an awful situation caused by a grabby sulky bloke who has dragged your sister into this attitude.....

delurking.... brilliant [shakes head]

OP, I think I'd let things die down and get back in touch with your sister. I'm slightly concerned that the BF saw it as suitable behaviour when with his GF's family to have a sulk over a packet of smarties. I might get the hump in my own home, but never when out in public. Something just doesn't sit right.

Seriously, if someone didn't buy for DD (and she wasn't there and didn't know), I'd just wrap something up myself if it was so important, or not worry about it. I simply don't understand why your sister and her BF didn't do one of those two options.

If smarties weren't so delicious, I'd definitely go with everyone posting him a tube. Sadly I feel it rewards bad behaviour! However do send them to me, I've been very good and would love to drown in smarties

Sorry about the NC. They actually could have had a totally different and more normal response to the thread. They could have reviewed their expectations and demands for gifts and cleared the air. However your sister is with a master manipulator who has twisted everything. I hope your sister will slowly see sense given a bit if time.

I'm slightly calmer now cunty but who know, who knows when that could change?

Ok. Guilty of not reading the last 30% of the thread before posting.

Seems like your sister has found herself a price turd. A sulky, manipulative, entitled prince among men. Eh.

She is clearly too besotted to see him for what he is.

This kind of thread is a good reminder to me of the advantages of being an only child.

BUT, she is still responsible for acting like an idiot towards you in all this.

To The Sister - the right man in your life does not create dramas or expect you to cut out family members over real or imagined insults. Your sister hasn't been rude, unkind or caused you shame. Hold on to this fact. you are being told by him that she has. no one else thinks so. When you emerge from the sex cave you're stuck in and see this guy for who he really is you'll see how wrong he was to create such a fuss over this. Do you have to send him written apologies? Does he have a file he keeps them in?? Don't you see how stupid he's being. Head over to the relationship section on mumsnet. There are some wise souls there who have tales to share or dating manipulative, angry and controlling men.

You can tell when you're with the right person because life is easier. The dramas end.

^^ best advice on here so far.

Am delurking to support OP, YAsoNBU SeptemberFlowers . Total respect to you for emailing the link to this thread to your sister and her

OP's sister:

What kind of auntie doesn't send even a birthday card to their nieces and nephews for ten years? TEN years?

OP's sister's BF:

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.
Oh and don't ever propose. Not ever.

MNetters - excellent thread (sorry OP for having to go through the drama though), exploding heads, RTFT RTFT R T F T !!!... and a giant Smartie. Fuck Saturday night TV.

Am d

Sorry posted too early. Have this on watch and de-lurking to check.
Have there been any further developments with this?

Yes, I received a disgusting abusive email from him.

I've forwarded it to her with the line. "You're seriously wanting a future with THIS. "

He's a horrible horrible individual. No wonder his ex walked out !

Oh September - that's just awful. What a disgusting piece of flesh he is. I hope your sister comes to her senses.

.

I really hope she sees sense. I'm so shocked at how he has manipulated everything into a big drama. He could have used the original get together to build a relationship with you but he chose to be stroppy and childish.

I wish I could say I was surprised. But he seemed the type.

I hope you're ok. Is your dh fuming?

What did his email say?

DH is fuming. But won't do anything unless I ask. My family drama so I deal with it. He's been fab.

Her FW is just a self absorbed man child, lays the blame at everyone else's feet.

My sis has replied saying "Everything he says is true, I'm not considered family anymore."
I think I have lost her

I can't believe how out of hand this has got, it's crazy. I hope your sister sees him for what he really is sooner rather than later.
I feel sorry for his child imagine having that twat for a father.

If your sister thinks that, then he's already done enough of a number on her that yes, you have lost her. But not through this episode alone, oh no - this is just the final straw that has broken your relationship, and if he is indeed the type of abusive wanker he appears to be, he will be rubbing his hands in glee at having finally broken the family ties your sister had. Now he has her. I hope one day she doesn't come to regret this.

But September - really, this is not your fault. He has manipulated the situation to create this problem. Please lay any blame for this squarely where it belongs - on him.

Unfortunately september there's nothing more you can do

I would respond to your dsis saying:

"I'm sorry you feel that way but it's simply not true. You're my sister and I love you. My door is always open to you. "

That way you leave the ball in her court but he can't claim you don't care!

The cheek of him. I'm genuinely shocked he sent you a shitty email instead of apologising and attempting to build bridges. I really hope your sister sees sense soon and kicks this fuckwit to the kerb.

None of this is your fault.

He's a bully.

Sorry OP.

And therein lies the difference.

OP's DH gives his opinion but it's OP's family, so he doesn't interfere.
Sister's BF gives his opinion, his proclamation and takes on the role of communicator, fanning the flames. Probably the type who enjoys spreading misinformation and watching the fallout.