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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

558 replies

SeptemberFlowers · 06/01/2014 13:48

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."

Shock

I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one Hmm

OP posts:
skydivermcfly · 08/01/2014 23:26

Also delurking.

Dear OP's sister, you and your dickhead boyfriend must be out of your minds. Seriously you are both insane, rude, grabby and totally out of order. You should both apologise to your sister and you especially to her kids for not giving a fuck for 10 years! Wankers the pair of you.

September, you are totally in the right with this.

Toecheese · 08/01/2014 23:30

Well done for sending them a link to this thread.

Alarm bells!!! I have underlaying concerns about him. He sounds brooding, manipulative, controlling, demanding (fancy wanting a written apology!) and twisted. Possibly also jealous. If he is like this over a small gift, what is he like in day to day life? Is your sister having to pander to all his whims? Is she constantly having to appease him?

Your sister sounds like she has lost any real perspective

lookingfoxy · 08/01/2014 23:33

I would send them the smartie tubes back and tell them to stuff them up their arses!

Toecheese · 08/01/2014 23:47

Dear Sis,

I once had a controlling boyfriend like yours. He tried to drive a wedge between me and my family, me and my hobbies, me and my friends. He was always negative about anything important in my life. Thankfully I realised what he was doing quite quickly and gave him the push.

Dahlen · 08/01/2014 23:56

Agree with some other posters that I'd be more concerned that her behaviour since being with BF is suggesting he's comes not only with a DD but a whole bed-sheet's worth of red bunting. Changing established family traditions. Dividing and conquering. Isolating from family...

Toecheese · 09/01/2014 00:04

Was the boyfriends daughter there by the way?

((... Runs off and hides waiting for explosion))

Maybe boyfriend and sister can join mumsnet and post on this thread?She could call herself smartie pants and he could call himself Master Manipulator

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 09/01/2014 00:13
Shock

I'm not marking my place at all...

Clutterbugsmum · 09/01/2014 07:27

I would send him her back £2.20, £1 each for the tube of Smarties and 20p to cover the cost of wrapping paper so she has not out of pocket Grin.

Oh and if OP sister is reading this, then the both you and and your BF need to grow up. Nobody should expect presents from anyone, however they are related to, or in your case know exsist but have nothing to do with. You are nothing more then a grabby selfish people.
I hope your boyfriend Ex brings his daughter up with more respect then him otherwise she is in for one hardlife.

HowlingTrap · 09/01/2014 09:17

Have they told you they have read the link?

waits for drama , rubs hands

sorry I am ashamed Grin

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/01/2014 09:40

I can't believe this is still going on. OP, she sounds deluded as well as under the thumb of a controlling git.

waltermittymissus · 09/01/2014 09:48

sorry I am ashamed

Yeah right Grin

HowlingTrap · 09/01/2014 09:56

now now walter we are not vultures ! Hmm Grin

waltermittymissus · 09/01/2014 10:12

True. I don't care if this fizzles out....

ConfusedPixie · 09/01/2014 10:24

What fuckwads. YANBU.

I don't even see how it can be mean to not buy a token gift for a child that you have met once, the child of a man you've met twice, when you weren't even expecting gifts for your own children from your sister. It all seems utterly ridiculous. If she was there then yes, token gift is the right thing, but she wasn't even there?!

EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip · 09/01/2014 11:08

I doubt OP's sister has the time to read this thread as she is surely busy handing out gifts at the orphanage..

Mckayz · 09/01/2014 11:13

Unlurking to tell the sister and her partner that they are both fucking ridiculous.

When the OP's children get birthday and christmas presents and easter eggs for all the years that have been missed then the OP will send some smarties.

Twats

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 09/01/2014 11:37

Damn, just wiped my message.

OP - is it possible your sister can't have children and therefore has gone full on into mummy mode and wants you to be full on auntie too?

OP's Sister - Seriously, what is this all about? You don't bother to even get a 70p birthday card, never mind a gift, for you niece and nephew once in 10 years yet you expect your sister to buy a gift for your boyfriend's daughter ^even though she has seen her just once???*
You gave a £1 tube of smarties, what were you honestly hoping for in return? Your boyfriend is a controlling twat though I expect you are all loved up and don't accept that. I suggest you test the theory...

OP's sister's boyfriend - you are setting your daughter up to be an entitled brat if you are bringing her up to only give if you receive. Are you getting theory for your small penis situation?

springysofa · 09/01/2014 11:39

blimey! and I thought my family was bad!

How old is her boyf - 6?

As for flinging around condemnation in the form of 'ashamed', 'disappointed' etc - get real. Your self-absorbed sister (won't even bother to address the fuckwit), has been a disappointment as an aunt to her neices and nephews on every possible front - but has never been pulled up on it - and, as things are a bit heavy-handed here, should hang her head in shame and disgrace.

These two should get over themselves. That poor kid with a parent like that Sad

gotthemoononastick · 09/01/2014 11:45

Beside the point,but I cannot get over Rocky breaking into beautifully wrapped boxes of chocolates!!!All that effort gone!!Laughing here.

ChasedByBees · 09/01/2014 12:40

To Sis, you're being hypocritical, grabby and pretty dim if you can't see what a total loser your BF is for going out of his way to take offence and demanding a written apology. Come on. You have both been massively out of order here. Do you really think a tube of smarties gives you the high ground here? Get real.

Bonzodoodah · 09/01/2014 13:00

Wow if you sent the link - brave and possibly no going back now.

But September's sister- seriously - look at your BF and ask yourself why he's making all this fuss? What is the point? What's he getting out of it other than splitting up you and your sister and isolating you?
Be warned this is not a good sign ...

JingleMyBells · 09/01/2014 13:04

My DPs sister had never met my son but still got him a nerf gun for Christmas. he is 10 btw. YABU.

SeptemberFlowers · 09/01/2014 13:35

I'm hated now for airing dirty laundry (Hmm) and NC with her.

Rach I'm here for you whenever, but the bf if an arsehole and I won't be welcoming him into my house or seeing him again.

OP posts:
LittleThorinOakenshield · 09/01/2014 13:44

What did she think of the thread? Thanks

skydivermcfly · 09/01/2014 13:44

Jingle, read the thread properly.

September I'm sorry she has got the hump but hopefully when she thinks things through properly she will see how unreasonable she has been and say sorry to you.

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