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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

558 replies

SeptemberFlowers · 06/01/2014 13:48

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."

Shock

I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one Hmm

OP posts:
LittleThorinOakenshield · 08/01/2014 16:36

Compos that would be pretty fabulous.

I like the giant French fancies you can buy.

LittleThorinOakenshield · 08/01/2014 16:36

Was the present smarties?

SpottyDottie · 08/01/2014 16:54

What Morgause suggested:
*"Dear BFofmysis,

I'm sorry you expected me to psychically realise that my sis would, for the first time ever, buy presents for my children. She's ignored their existence up until now. And also sorry for not realising that I would be expected to buy a present for a child I met once a year ago.

Love and kisses"*

It spells it out in a nutshell!

magoria · 08/01/2014 17:07

I agree it could be him causing this.

I get the feeling he would be one of those people who adds up present values. I spent £1 each on your 5 children but you only spent £3 total on my DD you tight uncaring person...

Mind you now that your sister has decided to give presents and her attitude over this I can see her doing this too.

SeptemberFlowers · 08/01/2014 17:09

I'm seeing her on Saturday, she has asked again to bring her bf. And he'll have his daughter with him. I've asked again to see her on her own, this is turning into more of the scenario that's a a selfish controlling git.

Getting the feeling it's a set up ? Hmm

OP posts:
Whatwouldmumdo · 08/01/2014 17:11

Of course it's a set up. I wouldn't agree to it. Not fair on the little girl or your dc to be witness to what will at best be a very uncomfortable exchange and at worst be a massive row.

SeptemberFlowers · 08/01/2014 17:11

He's a selfish git even.

OP posts:
SeptemberFlowers · 08/01/2014 17:12

Forgot to say the daughter is 11.

OP posts:
nauticant · 08/01/2014 17:12

It looks like a set up to prevent you and your sister settling this amicably.

PrimalLass · 08/01/2014 17:20

You'll be expected to produce a present or there will be lots of eye-rolling and huffs.

SeptemberFlowers · 08/01/2014 17:22

The mood I'm in about this, I either bring a kick arse present up for this girl, be all "This GREAT we are doing presents now !' then say with an excited face "Where is DD's birthday present then ?"

Or just cancel and send them a single polo mint in an envelope addressed to him saying "Happy new year, enjoy your present." Angry

OP posts:
SeptemberFlowers · 08/01/2014 17:23

Posted too soon, DD's birthday is on the 15th hence my asking.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 08/01/2014 17:35

Where are you seeing her, OP? At your house or out somewhere?

The whole thing sounds utterly ridiculous. Do these people not have jobs or real life to be getting on with?

LittleThorinOakenshield · 08/01/2014 17:38

Why don't you just say

I didn't realise we are now doing presents, that's great DD is looking forward to getting a birthday present, don't worry, she obviously isn't as sensitive as my new niece and hasn't got too upset about the missed ten years but if you feel bad maybe some premium bonds would be nice"

ChasedByBees · 08/01/2014 17:44

I wouldn't meet the three of them - you are being set up and I bet the only thing they'll accept is some humiliating and unfair apology, which lets face it, anyone would choke on. I would call your sister and point out how silly she's being - particularly given her rather hypocritical past of no presents (pleeeeeaaaase mention that). I think you have to speak with her without her arse of a boyfriend being there.

SeptemberFlowers · 08/01/2014 17:44

LittleThorn I like that Grin

I'm fed up with it and have said not to bother this weekend. If she wants to see me in the future she knows where I am, I'm not a mind reader and didn't know about them expecting a present for his DD. I felt the text was a bit ridiculous and over the top given she hasn't bothered with her own flesh and blood this last decade and DS's birthday in early December. Double standards and all that, I felt his behaviour was rude and immature especially for a man his age and no way was I emailing a direct apology to him.

Don't expect I'll from them again for awhile but I give up.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 08/01/2014 17:51

You said all that? If so, good on you.

Caitlin17 · 08/01/2014 18:03

She missed your son's birthday and is still making a fuss?

Now I don't have a problem about an aunt missing or even choosing to ignore the birthday (and I don't think you do either) but she can't have it both ways.

I'm tending towardd the bf sounding creepy. Was there any reason given why the daughter wasn't there?

Do you think this was some sort of wind up at the girl's mother? Looking at it from that point of view if the daughter was with her mother on Christmas Day but turned up with presents to open including one from her new aunt and uncle (whom her mother had never met) would that upset/be intended to upset the real mother?

I know that sounds Machiavellian, but it makes more sense than what bf has said so far.

And tbh, if I was the real mum I'd not be thrilled at my daughter acquiring a whole new family.

fedup21 · 08/01/2014 18:04

No great loss by the sounds of it. Unfortunately though, it sounds like your sister has got together with a controlling tosser who may just have got exactly what he wanted by cutting off your sister from her family.

2rebecca · 08/01/2014 18:09

I hope you put everything you said in that post in your text.

NicknameIncomplete · 08/01/2014 18:17

Good on you. Hope your sister wisens up soon & realise what a cunt her 'darling' boyfriend is.

ChasedByBees · 08/01/2014 18:20

Did you actually say that? I hope so.

SeptemberFlowers · 08/01/2014 18:24

Yes I did, I've had enough. I don't want to waste or give this situation any more headspace.

OP posts:
Ifcatshadthumbs · 08/01/2014 18:26

Good for you OP

CuntyBunty · 08/01/2014 18:47

Tell him to kiss your arse OP, the cheeky cunt Grin. Fuck all that malarkey for a game of soldiers.