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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

558 replies

SeptemberFlowers · 06/01/2014 13:48

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."

Shock

I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one Hmm

OP posts:
NicknameIncomplete · 07/01/2014 22:34

Oh yeah i forgot about that Grin

ComposHat · 07/01/2014 22:36

In the past week I've met

  1. a nice smiley baby on the bus

  2. the bloke next door's infant daughter

  3. Assorted children playing in the street.

I doubt I'll see any of them again. Will I need to clear the corner shop out of smarties so I cqn distribute them to any child I happen to meet once between now and next Christmas?

LittleThorinOakenshield · 07/01/2014 22:37

You can pick something up for a few quid. If your meeting someone knowing they've got your DC little gifts it's just nice to give a little token.

It's a bit mean not to. It's by no means a huge deal necessitating that wanky text but I would privately think that was a little mean in my own head.

clam · 07/01/2014 22:40

Because, unbeknownst to the OP, her dsis has decided that she now has a niece.

And ruby, I would like you to email a direct apology to me, for deliberately excluding my dcs too.

LittleThorinOakenshield · 07/01/2014 22:42

Clearly the sister is over reacting on a nuclear scale.

clam · 07/01/2014 22:43

It's a bit mean not to.

No, it really isn't! It's a nice thing to do, if you're that way inclined, but it is NOT mean not to do so.

LittleThorinOakenshield · 07/01/2014 22:44

It is a little bit mean you grinch Grin

Mellowandfruitful · 07/01/2014 22:44

The sister is being unbelievably idiotic about this. Print out either/both waltermitty and #ifcats*'s posts to take with you as scripts, I reckon. Or you could try 'Before we start a discussion about the other week, I'd like you to answer one question. Why did you go for 10 years never buying my DC a birthday or Christmas present or even a card?'

clam · 07/01/2014 22:45

Exactly, mellow, followed by "and what made you change your mind this year?"

NicknameIncomplete · 07/01/2014 22:49

Compos - you had better start stocking up on the smarties tubes Grin

RubyrooUK · 07/01/2014 22:54

I WILL NOT apologise Clam. I demand my own AIBU thread about my selfishness in forgetting so many of my dear Mumsnet nephews and nieces. Grin

ComposHat · 07/01/2014 22:57

Can I get a new relative arbitrarily assigned to to me?

I would like an Uncle like Monty in Withnail & I.

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 22:59

Hmm, I think it was a little bit mean. If OP knew the little girl was coming then it wouldn't have hurt to get a small gift. After all, it is Christmas. The little girl must have felt a bit unwelcome.

clam · 07/01/2014 22:59

I hope you feel SHAME, ruby!

And, for next time the record, my dcs prefer Skittles to Smarties. So there.

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 22:59

Sorry, I couldn't resist! I have read RTFT. I just wanted to see if I could make any of you actually implode!

Wink Grin
clam · 07/01/2014 23:01

Phew, I was just about to name-check you to see if you'd been on earlier! Grin

LucyBabs · 07/01/2014 23:02

Christ on a bike!

RTFT people please!

If I read another poster saying "Ah op you're soooo mean" My head is gonna explode [breathe]

ComposHat · 07/01/2014 23:02

iwas

The child didn't come to the gathering at Christmas. She has only met the op once months before Christmas.

As has been pointed out umpteen times on this thread.

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 23:02

No, I did read this earlier. Can't believe the number of people who are getting the wrong end of the stick!! It's making me giggle.

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 23:04
Grin

Sorry. It was just a joke! I'm feeling naughty.

LucyBabs · 07/01/2014 23:04

I wasn't referring to you though iwas Grin

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 23:04

LOL at "Christ on a bike"

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 23:07

Actually, are we allowed to LOL on MN, I've forgotten! I'm genuinely sniggering at this though! Actually I sound a bit like Mutley.

LittleThorinOakenshield · 07/01/2014 23:12

Maybe she was trying to build a bridge.

Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine.

Don't you think it's time?

Oh don't you think it's time. Sad

iwasyoungonce · 07/01/2014 23:13

FWIW, and on a much more serious note... I think that the OP's sister's BF sounds like a bit of a worry. I think he's behind the bad feeling, and I suspect it's deliberate.

Any normal man would have been fine with no gift, in those circumstances. He wouldn't have expected one, and even if he did, he would never have acted all sulky, hurt and wanting an apology. It ain't normal.

So this leads me to think it's a ploy to turn his gf against her sister. i.e. isolate her from her family. Because he is a controlling, jealous areshole and this is always the first step.

OP, I'd be having a serious heart to heart with your sister, don't let it get angry etc. - this would be playing into his hands. Let her know you'll always be there for her.