to not buy for sisters new partner's child ?

[SeptemberFlowers]

My sister has been in a relationship for about a 18 months we aren't close as a rule. She will sometimes send a text to say hello and bit of chit chat every 4 months or so, I do as well. She has never once sent a birthday card or asked after the DC's.

Until last year.

We hadn't seen each other for a year or more but she asked if we met up for Christmas, so we did. She mentioned she had brought some token gifts for DC's (we have never expected any anyway).

Rewind 12 months and I met her boyfriend and his daughter. This has been the only time I met his daughter.

Fast forward to now and we meet up at Christmas, she brings the boyfriend. She gives the DC's their gift and say thank you. Her boyfriend looks at me a bit expectantly and I'm a bit confused by it (no gifts for adults usually) she is giving me equally expectant looks. I ask what for and was told "Nothing."

On the way home (met up at a pub) I get the following text.

"Both C and myself are quite disappointed you never brought a present for B (C's daughter) for Christmas, this comes across as a bit one sided and selfish to us both and I can only hope that you will think of your neice on Christmas day without a present from you and your family and feel shame."

I replied back "Are you serious ?!"

She hasn't replied since.

I hadn't even thought about it as I have only met the girl once and my sister doesn't even send presents or acknowledge her own neices and nephews !

DH thinks I should tell her do one

FFS bus friend = boyfriend!

Great post Ruby, but that doesn't really explain why Cunt feels like he can't move on until he gets a direct apology?

Typing that made my blood boil. You must be a saint OP!

Joysmum - my theory about the sister was that she felt she had "warned" her sister she was doing presents this year and expected her sister to mind-read and work out what she was really saying was:

"Yeah I know I didn't bother with presents for 10 years. I didn't have kids and wasn't really into them. Only now I've spent 18 months getting to know this kid and I realise you're supposed to give them gifts at Xmas because their parents adore them and are quite sensitive to these things. So I'm giving you these now and hopefully you'll forget the whole decade I haven't bothered with, and you'll now reciprocate with the child associated with me."

Special - yeah the direct apology is a bit OTT.

But maybe he thinks that the OP's sister regularly buys her nieces and nephews gifts so is perceiving a massive, deliberate slight here? And the sister doesn't want to own up to a decade of being rubbish auntie material so isn't disabusing him....?

'Niece' means the biological child of your brother of sister

or the biological child of your spouse.

A biological child of your spouse is NOT your niece .

I reckon ruby has it nailed.

Doesn't excuse it, of course, but could explain it.

toffee OK, so technically there ought to be a blood link, but I think most people would refer to their spouse's nephews and nieces as the same thing really. I caught myself saying "dh's nephew" once, and thought it sounded ridiculously pedantic.

Wasn't Toffee pointing out that someone further upthread had accidentally said that your spouse's child was a "niece/nephew" when they should have said "step child"? Is that right Toffee?

For what it's worth on the biological front, I absolutely count my step-sister's daughter as my niece. I didn't grow up with my step sister as we met as adults so she doesn't feel like a sister, although she is family, but my niece is absolutely my niece and my kids' cousin. Has been for her whole life. Biology is only a bit of my family really.

"Dear BFofmysis,

I'm sorry you expected me to psychically realise that my sis would, for the first time ever, buy presents for my children. She's ignored their existence up until now. And also sorry for not realising that I would be expected to buy a present for a child I met once a year ago.

Love and kisses"

Or maybe he has the opinion that OP is loaded, and was hoping for a decent present for his DD?

toffee I definitely don't think of my husband's nephews and nieces as my nephews and nieces. If I were referring to them to someone who knows them I'd use their names and to someone who didn't know them I'd say OH's niece/nephew.

Clearly she meant your brothers and sisters children AND your spouses brothers and sisters children

Clam my husband's niece would be my niece but my husband's child with someone else would not be my niece. That is what the poster said.

My husband has no children by anyone but me.

Caitlin.

They are your nieces and nephews,

www.thefreedictionary.com/niece

The dictionary might well say that, I don't think of them as such. I'd never refer to them as "my nephews / nieces"

Well seen as I don't even consider my husband to be my husband I can't really argue with that

disclaimer I haven't seen the git for years

I'm the opposite to Caitlin. Our family will count almost anyone as a member. We would probably recruit half of Mumsnet as nieces and nephews if you wanted us to.

My 2 brothers had only met my step kids once and they bought all 3 of them gifts as well as my own 3 children. A token gift would not have cost much but it would have meant the world and none of this would have happened.

Op I was in a spookily similar situation to you at Christmas with my bil and his dp's dc's. I even posted a thread in aibu and got a tiny bit flamed. Accumulated events led to my bil sending my dh, on Christmas day no less, saying he doesn't want anything to with me, dh or our dc's ever again. Which actually suits us fine (back history). I had been feeling a bit down and in the wrong having been told so on mnet. My fault for posting in aibu! But I have only now understood there's a a whole Lotta history I can't type out, plus I really toned down the wording of the texts we received. In short do what you think is right, but expect to look wrong!

You don't have a close relationship with her.

You've never done gifts in the past.

This child who you've only met once isn't your niece, she is the child of your sister's boyfriend is a relatively short term boyfriend at that. I presume she has actual uncles and aunties who buy presents for her. Do her boyfriend's brother and sister buy gifts for your children?

Tell her to do one, your husband hit the nail on the head.

Euphemia.

I would have got a little gift I think that was a little mean.

WHY IS IT MEAN TO NOT BUY A GIFT FOR A CHILD YOU HAVE MET ONCE?