to have expected this woman to remove her tantruming child?

[musicboxwoundbyakey]

Went out for Sunday dinner with two friends. They were sat next to each other and I was sat opposite so my chair was in the middle (not sure if that's completely relevant but don't want to drip feed)

We were sat on a higher tier of the restaurant (3 steps). A woman with 2ish year old (could have been a little younger) walked up with a friend and her baby when her ds started to throw a huge tantrum and dropped to the floor right next to me.

As my chair was in the middle and not on the edge he really was right next to me screaming and crying and she left him there for a good few minutes and went to sit down before picking him up.

Now I was in a family friendly restaurant and don't care about children throwing tantrums or crying (it's expected) and with a tantrum its usually best ignored but I think in this situation she should have been quicker to pick him up and remove him from our table?

thornrose I am so sorry you have had a bad time on this thread.

Sadly most people don't understand the difference between a tantrum and an autistic meltdown.

This is a good graphic

It is also worth bearing in mind that many autistic children are not diagnosed until they are over the age of five.

So don't judge these children or their parents. And don't for fuck's sake assault them or joke about it. It could be you one day.

Oh for goodness sake I'm tired of defending myself now Caitlin, read my posts and read the posts I'm replying to. Water throwing (which went on to be coffee throwing) tripping children, under 12's should be banned from restaurants, people who think I'm predictable for mentioning my dd's autism. You keep on making me the bad guy though!

of cause you can pull silly faces or waggle eyebrows at another persons child or even speak to them.

why is it riddiculous to try and help.

numerous times i have had a tantruming child on a bus and other passengers have made silly faces, pkayed peekaboo or tried to talk to my tamtruming child. sometimes it works, others it hasnt but i have always thanked for trying.

i would gage the sittuation but if i thought i could help then i woukd or offer a kind word or ask if there was anything i could do to help.

i dont think that is riddiculous, its just kind and sometimes a parent may really need that help/support.

As for the poster who would never consider taking a tantrum-prone child to a restaurant, well I have to take my lovely six year old boy out in public because the institutions which he would have been imprisoned in years ago have been closed. With good fucking reason.

exactly blackeyed i have done that numerous times and people have done it for my tantruming child, i always appreciated it even if it didnt wotk.

Leadare I'm a very resilient person, I've had to be over the years but this thread has really got to me

thorn i understood your posts xxx and i think some posters were just trying to be goady.

as i said on p5 if anyonw tripped up my child or threw a drink on them i would call the police.

It's the most unpleasant thread I've ever seen on mumsnet, I have to say.

Thanks ilove I've had several PM's from posters who get where I'm coming from thank goodness!

Thornrose said it wouldn't phase her. Please quote specifically where she expected other people to not let it bother her. I must have missed it?? It might be ridiculous Caitlin but some people will help/interfere/offer. Although the last person to try got a shortthrift from my DM and very politely told to clear off as she was dealing with it so she's on your side with that one! .

Why do you assume I can't comprehend that it is irritating or dangerous?
To be fair, thornrose, you did say:

'But tell me how a child going up and down an aisle stops you from working? It doesn't phase me in the slightest!'

• shortly after your post suggesting people trying to work on a train should 'suck it up' because the train isn't their office.

This certainly suggested to me that you were finding it tricky to comprehend/didn't agree that children running up & down a train was something that a reasonable parent would curtail out of consideration for others.

I'm with Caitlin17 on this one. If I were on the same train as you, & your children were running up & down, obviously you're not totally oblivious to this going on - which suggests you think it's fine.

Probably I'd just ignore it as best I could; or I might ask you politely to stop them from doing it - & probably, because you're a reasonable person, you'd do so even if you thought I was being overly fussy. Or you might tell me to my face to 'suck it up.'

But based on your posts on here, it's not unreasonable to assume that you think it's perfectly OK for children to run around on trains...

Not blaming the OP for that. It's some of the later posts that are genuinely shocking.

Replace that second her with them. Bloody phone!

Thorn I have no idea why you are being given a hard time and having a daughter with ASD I also find some comments ignorant. Mind you there are some deliberately provoking posts who are clearly looking for a reaction.

Raven she asked how it stopped one from working. Big difference.

thornrose, I know what you have to do all day every day just to get through.

It is bloody difficult and when your source of support in an isolated situation is like this then it is horrible. Ignore the twats.

No-one mentioned irritating or dangerous, I was responding to the poster that was trying to work on a train, the train is not the office, people may be on their phones, listening to music, children may be crying etc etc. A child going up and down a train aisle would not stop me from working.

I am not finding it tricky to comprehend as an intelligent human being!

You and Caitlin are in perfect agreement, how lovely. This was never about my child and me being on a train but thanks for ignoring every other poster and making this about me! should I be flattered, I'm not sure!

Only on MN. Easy pickings.

Not really Misspixietrix. If you're on a train you might be working, reading, sleeping, chatting - any of those are perfectly legitimate activities which could be disrupted by other people's boisterous behaviour.

I think running up & down the aisle is unnecessarily disruptive, for example.

Whatever nonmi. Next whistleblower will tell us she's joking too.

Water throwing (which went on to be coffee throwing) tripping children, under 12's should be banned from restaurants, people who think I'm predictable for mentioning my dd's autism

Why even react to deliberate and inflammatory comments? I don't think anyone who said it had actually done it or would do it. It's said for a reaction and you are more than willing to give one.

And whats the outcome? You're upset and the other posters got exactly what they wanted.

Try making a point to the OP and ignore blatant goady comments.

It is not possible to gauge what reaction one; as a random stranger would get from a child throwing a tantrum or its (and sorry thornrose there is no other usable English possessive noun) parents.

I don't know if the child has special needs or is simply a spoilt brat. I have no way of telling whether being spoken to by a random stranger will help or make matters far worse. Or how the parents will react. It's as likely I'd be told to mind my own business as any offer of help would be well received.

There was a thread a while ago where the OP was quite clear the most helpful "assistance" was to leave her and her child alone.

I mentioned 'irritating' from the outset, actually. Also, I'd rather share a train with people trying to work than people who run in the aisles. The former don't annoy me at all.

Nor do kids who want to run around so long as someone's ensuring that they don't.