To want DSS to move out

[Confusedconfusedconfusedconfus]

I am really not dealing with this well, I am physically shaking.
DH and I have been living with each other for 10 years now. I have two DD's from previous relationship who live with us and our DD, he has 1DS from previous relationship (14) shared joint custody with his mum until he was 12 then he decided he wanted to move in with us permently. I get on really well with DSS, he gets on with all DD's (minus a few fallen outs here and there) but everything was just great up until this evening....

DH goes into DSS room to get him as he was meant to be taking him out for a boys night, thought DSS was just playing xbox. I hear DP shouting, turns out my eldest DD (15) was in his room, they were kissing.
I get DH to calm down, take a breather, then sit them down and talk about this calmly even though I am not calm, I am freaking out inside... This is what they say, they have been 'dating' for two months now, they are in love, they have not had sex. Yet.
We have separated them, told them we will discus this properly in the morning. When everyone has called down properly.

I have come on MN typing furiously on the keypad, I need advice, help, I am freaking out. I honestly don't know what to do, I am now on my 2nd glass of wine.

Ffs, they used to share baths together when they were little. In the past three years of all of us properly living together they have had little tiffs like brothers and sisters do, and have referred to each other as 'brother' and 'sister' And most importantly they are both underage!!!
Tomorrow I want to tell DSS he has to move back to his mums, DH agrees.

How do I deal with this? Can anyone please offer some advice, I need to calm down.

*misunderstanding

How can you say that ofcourse the OPs DH adopting the girls would or would have make a difference to how the children feel about each other? It would make a legal difference but you're 100% sure it would've changed how they feel about each other?

OP - I would calmly explain to them both that they live under the same roof because you see them as brother and sister. If they don't see each other as siblings, then this situation will not continue. It is not a punishment and you are not forbidding their relationship. It is about what it means to be a family.

This is only normal and not at all hysterical.

And their DD sees them as brother and sister.....

They saw themselves as brother and sister! Now they've changed their mind. That doesn't make it right. It is wrong, just because it's legal doesn't make it right!

What a shocking predicament. I will probably not say anything that hasn't already been said however I would find this unacceptable.
I am thinking I may put in a brave face for their sakes so as not to make them feel dirty, suggest if they want to "date" the son moves out. He has somewhere to go. But..... Even while typing it, I don't agree with it. It feels wrong since they a blended family, living as such. Sorry I'm not convinced.
Op hope you are ok.

I totally agree with Maryz.

I really feel for you op, and can entirely understand your reaction.

However, the solution has to be to treat them to a calm, adult conversation about the problems the relationship brings and the issues that must be addressed. I also likes the poster who said that it is worth asking them what they want to happen...just to see what they say.

Throwing him out and shouting will risk a kind of Romeo and Julliette response (not the death bit, obviously, but the 'us against them' bit!)

brutha, I didn't use the phrase "shack up together and bring the two kids with them".

Those are your words - and you lecture me on being insulting

They called each other brother and sister.

I actually agree with maryz

If you send DSS away they're going to feel punished and unless you intend to spy on them 24/7 they will find a way to keep seeing each other and it may even speed up their developing sexual relationship.

Said as someone who was sexually active at 14 and still found a way to still meet and have sex with someone I was banned from seeing...

I don't agree with 'sending away' but there is nothing wrong with suggesting (strongly) that if they wish to be in a relationship then the brother/sister living together thing is over and he goes to his mums. It sounds like she is nice, relationships are cordial etc.

I feel the OP is getting a bit of a rough ride here.

I too would be incredibly shocked and upset if this happened with any of our 6 DC (3 boys, 3 girls none together) and reading this post has only just made me think it could be an issue!!

Just everyone take a deep breath and calm down.

What's your relationship like with DSS mum? Can she be involved Ina discussion?

Good luck OP.

My advice would be treat this as any other teenage relationship. Give them rules about how to behave as you would if your daughter had a completely unrelated run-of-the-mill boyfriend coming over. Have the 'wait 'till you're older' sex talk. Let her know she can confide in you. It's very rare that relationships at this age last. Just be there when it's all over (no matter how difficult it might be).

DP and I spoke about it last night. He has a DD the same age as DS. He raises DS as if he's his own, like this man has. No way he would stand for it.

OPs DSS had somewhere to live, whether you agree it's wrong or not, you have to see they can't remain living together and be in a relationship.

Relieved to read some more sensible advice on this thread, piper to add to maryz 's.

"No way would he stand for it"

Is your DP for real, fifi