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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To have used the disabled loo today :(

335 replies

peking · 02/01/2014 19:57

An embarrassing moment.

Was in our public library when suddenly overcome with an urgent need to go (Crohn's - thought it was under control but I guess Christmas has messed things up).

There were two toilets - one disabled which also held the only nappy-changing facility there, and one toilet on its own. The single toilet was engaged so I dashed into the disabled. I took some time as I felt really shaky and couldn't stand up for a few minutes.

About halfway through I could hear a toddler crying on the other side and the father trying to placate him as he needed his nappy changed. The toddler probably had to wait about 5 mins.

When I finally got out the father shouted after me "you're out of order, you're not even disabled!"

How mortifying. I just had to ignore him but felt awful for the toddler. As many MN'ers have probably come across people taking up the disabled/nappy-changing facilities before, AIBU?

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 02/01/2014 21:33

it's a bit of a grey area whether "disabled" toilets are exclusively for those with additional needs or simply accessible to all

Oh no, it fucking well isn't. Angry
If that makes me a member of the 'light brigade' then so be it!

CrohnicallySick · 02/01/2014 21:33

Glitzandgiggles- how do you know he didn't have a condition like Crohn's? If you were waiting a good 10 minutes, then he did spend rather a long time in there if he was a healthy person. Some people with illnesses like Crohn's do manage to hold down jobs, you know.

BillyBanter · 02/01/2014 21:33

Glitz, maybe he was disabled....

Heartbrokenmum73 · 02/01/2014 21:34

Exactly Iam.

I sometimes wonder if there is a political party that might think of opening up lovely little places where all the people with disabilities could be placed against their will go and live lovely lives away from everyone else.

Oh, hang on. Isn't that what UKIP were proposing? What a co-incidence!

IamInvisible · 02/01/2014 21:34

FWIW, my question does not relate to Chrons, IBS or any other disability, it relates to suddenly "touching cloth" when you are out!

princesspuds · 02/01/2014 21:34

This costs a little money but may be worthwhile to purchase one given the circumstances.

www.bladderandbowelfoundation.org/resources/toilet-card.asp

mewkins · 02/01/2014 21:34

Anyone who needs to go needs to go and you were just using the available toilet. It was best for all concerned. The toddler can wait- he was wearing a nappy for goodness sake, there is no urgency.

pigletmania · 02/01/2014 21:34

Pic would not feel comfortable with that I am, it us not fair on the men who might not want a woman there when they are openly weeing!

BuffyxSummers · 02/01/2014 21:35

puntastic, I still don't see where you said how you knew he did not have an invisible disability like the OP. All you say is that you knew he wasn't disabled, not how you knew. I was curious how you knew he didn't have an invisible disability.

CrohnicallySick · 02/01/2014 21:35

Caketinrosie- why thank you, though you might want to give it half an hour...

Misspixietrix · 02/01/2014 21:36

YNBU. I have IBS and often have to 'go' when I can't wait. Can't even begin to imagine what living with Crohns is like OP. As PP has said you are to all intents and purposes eligible to use the disabled loo and he was an arse for yelling at you. Not ALL disabilities are visible.

caketinrosie · 02/01/2014 21:37

Randy, I know! I wouldn't dream of it. But people see my big strapping boy dressed in his finest looking beautiful and handsome with his rag of a mother alongside him with not a wheelchair or crutch in sight and they can't resist. But then within a couple of seconds he starts making his noises and the penny drops and they run for the hills. I'm left feeling irritated and sad and they are left mortified. Not a good situation for anyone. And my son has to listen to it all. Just makes life that little bit harder Sad

IamInvisible · 02/01/2014 21:37

It's not fair to make disabled people wait either, Piglet. There is only 1 toilet between all if them, but plenty of you think it's ok when people repeatedly explain why it's really not.

JugglingIntoANewYear · 02/01/2014 21:39

Also I think most reasonable parents understand that the baby changing facility in a public toilet is very much secondary to it's use as an accessible toilet. The baby-changing surface is just making use of the suitable larger space/ doubling up with the disabled loo.
He sounds a right arse
I think everyone should try to show good grace, and also not think they can necessarily judge on appearances. Admittedly the able bodied should try to use the right facilities too.

pigletmania · 02/01/2014 21:39

If it's free aim and you have a genuine URGENT need than it's your right to use it!

pigletmania · 02/01/2014 21:42

I mean urgent, not that you can hold it for 5 mins. Non disabled people can suffer an indignity of having an accident too!

MNHQ
JulieJingleBellsMumsnet · 02/01/2014 21:42

Hello again

Just wanted to drop a link to our This Is My Child info on invisible disabilities www.mumsnet.com/campaigns/this-is-my-child-myth-6-you-can-always-tell-when-someone-has-a-disability, it applies to adults too.

We'd be grateful if posters could steer clear of language like 'the brigade'. We're all parents after a bit of support and advice, after all - calling each other 'brigades' can sound a bit dismissive and mean.

Peace and love, eh? Flowers

pigletmania · 02/01/2014 21:43

Why is it ok, for a non disabled person to soil themselves Hmm

pigletmania · 02/01/2014 21:43

Yes if it was the last resort, I would use the men's,

IamInvisible · 02/01/2014 21:44

Your right!?!?!?! Shock Shock Shock

What about the right's of the disabled person? Do they have no rights? They campaigned for these toilets so they could leave their houses and have the right to be included in activities that every other fucker takes for granted!

Why when you look at a toilet door is the one with a picture of a woman on it for women, the one with a picture of a man on it for men, and the one with the picture of a disabled person on for everyone?

pigletmania · 02/01/2014 21:45

Yes I am as a human being who urgently needs to go, you don't own the toilet!

SpikeyTree · 02/01/2014 21:45

Thanks Julie.

Ledkr · 02/01/2014 21:45

The thing is that with cars you have a badge, a symbol of your right to use a facility but with loos you wouldn't necessarily know.
That's why people like the bloke in the op need to shut the fuck up,

Fakebook · 02/01/2014 21:46

Well if I had to choose between shitting in my pants or using a disabled toilet, I'd choose the latter. So yanbu. I've used disabled toilets loads of times...and the disabled changing rooms with my pushchair. No one has ever been waiting to use them after me, so don't see the problem.

Islenka · 02/01/2014 21:46

YANBU. You have Crohns. That's a disability. My DFriend's DD has recently been diagnosed with Crohns and from what she and her DD have said,they've both been commented on. Sometimes the DD might say something about it but she usually feels intimidated.