To have used the disabled loo today :(

[peking]

An embarrassing moment.

Was in our public library when suddenly overcome with an urgent need to go (Crohn's - thought it was under control but I guess Christmas has messed things up).

There were two toilets - one disabled which also held the only nappy-changing facility there, and one toilet on its own. The single toilet was engaged so I dashed into the disabled. I took some time as I felt really shaky and couldn't stand up for a few minutes.

About halfway through I could hear a toddler crying on the other side and the father trying to placate him as he needed his nappy changed. The toddler probably had to wait about 5 mins.

When I finally got out the father shouted after me "you're out of order, you're not even disabled!"

How mortifying. I just had to ignore him but felt awful for the toddler. As many MN'ers have probably come across people taking up the disabled/nappy-changing facilities before, AIBU?

I agree, ProudAS. I don't think anyone would begrudge anyone who was about to soil themselves.

"but it can also be bloody difficult traveling with small children."

Juggling that is the whole point. It's difficult being disabled all the time and these toilets make it possible to travel when someone has a disability. Not just 'less difficult'.

Juggling, think about that statement 'it can be bloody difficult traveling with small children'. Think about why that might get people's backs up when used as a reason to use a disabled toilet.

X-post lougle.

I sympathise, OP. You were not at all in the wrong.

I used to regularly babysit a friends DS who is autistic with bowel issues. The amount of times I would get 'the look' or comments for taking him into the accessible toilet because neither he or I looked disabled was unreal.

I appreciate my experience is nowhere near as constant as some of those on this thread, but I do understand a bit.

Glitz, but the security guard could have a colostomy bag for all you know? or a condition like Chrohn's? The point is, bowel conditions are not visible.

I have coeliac disease and although under control via a gluten free diet, my years of undiagnoised coeliac disease have left me with collagenous collitis and I have sudden urges which coupled with a horrendous forceps delivery five years ago mean sometimes I just can't wait. I have an urgency card from the bowel and bladder foundation (but have been too embarrased to use it) and as such often need a toilet with a sink in when I haven't made it in time. I always feel horrible using the accessible toilets though, and try to use the non accessible ones unless I am in dire need. Thankfully I've never been challenged, but I do keep the urgency card to hand incase I am. I'm also sure people at school judge me as I drive my kids to school when I only live a 5-10 minute walk away. However after shitting myself on the way home from school on more than one occasion cos I hadn't been before leaving the house and the need took me whilst out, I'd now rather not take the risk.

and sorry you had to experience this OP; of course YANBU

How awful for you Peking, you were perfectly entitled to use the facilities, having Crohns is a disability, it is painful and unpredictable.

The number of people just on this thread who actually need the accessible toilet shows why these toilets need to be left alone by those who don't need them.

How about less judgment and more consideration all round ?

OP was definitely NBU BTW, unlike the impatient man waiting with child and making assumptions.

I recently suffered an injury that meant I had to use disabled toilets for 6 weeks or so as I was incapable of using normal public toilets. It was an eye opening experience... I had no idea that so many places touted their disabled access, while the loos were past 2 heavy double doors you can't open :( It was a real wake up call for me. It is amazing what you take for granted until you don't have it.

OP - In my mind you were totally justified using the toilet, if toddler dad was that worried he could have maybe used his portable changing mat etc that most parents carry

Juggling you seem to be failing to realise that for disabled people the disabled toilets aren't a 'perk'. They are the difference between being able to go out of their homes, or not.

It's not for people with disabilities to consider the 'wants' of people who have none. As I said, people in an urgent situation will never be frowned on. People who just think they can use the toilets regardless because 'they have the right' or 'it would be inconvenient to have to find the correct toilets' or 'I don't want to have to ask the way' are going to be judged. Rightly.

to add to Lougle's post - or because they are accessible. It really doesn't mean they're accessible to all, it means they're accessible to those with disabilities.

Or maybe people who don't actually need the facilities just don't use them, Juggling? I'm too tired to keep the circular argument going. Either you get it or you don't.

Festive, you are so right about accessible not being accessible a lot of the time. We've come a long way, but there is an awful long way to go.

Anyway, OP, you were not being unreasonable at all. I just hope that next time you need the facilities you find them available.

Night all.

No lougle, I'm not failing to realise that.

But I do think that there are grey areas, no need to rigidly define things in an us and them way, and a need for facilities to be improved for all, and also clarification on who different facilities are for and where others are located.

No-one has judged the OP for using the disabled toilet.

People have judged posters for using the disabled toilet when they have no reason, just because they can!

it really doesn't mean they're accessible to all, it means they're accessible to those with disabilities.

As far as I was aware Accessible toilets are modified toilets to enable disabled people to use them. They are also accessible as baby changing facilities. Disabled toilets which tend to be locked are for use by disabled persons and those specifically eligible for a key only and no one else.

I have Crohns and don't use the accessible loos. My view is that they are designed to be used by people who need the extra space or facilities, not that they are for instant access.

There is nothing about Crohns for me that makes me need access to a disabled loo, just access to a loo. And yes, I would use the gents if the ladies was full, before considering the disabled loo because I still have a choice unlike someone who genuinely needs the space or equipment.

People have judged posters for using the disabled toilet when they have no reason, just because they can!

That makes it sound like people on here have said rather maliciously that they would intentionally use the facilities over the regular toilet. I haven't read that anywhere, only people saying they would go if it was absolutely a matter of urgency otherwise they'd soil themselves.

Since when did inadequate signage of regular toilets give the right to use a toilet provided for disabled people?? I just can't see that. I honestly can't.

As I said, there are no grey areas. Urgent need due to acute medical situation (ie. vomiting, diarrhoea, urgency), disability, baby in need of baby changing facilities...fine. I'd even stretch to small child in buggy where it's unsafe to leave the child/buggy in the lobby, although others wouldn't.

Convenience, unwillingness to investigate location of appropriate toilets, a view that having a small child is in any way comparable to having a disability....no.

Toilets that are locked are not known as disabled toilets. They are still known as accessible toilets here.

An accessible toilet i

Err buying a Radar key off Ebay is pretty bloody low imo Randy and one poster has admitted that.

Read back, quite a few posters say they use a disabled toilet and don't give a reason.

blistory that won't work for everyone tho.
My ds is disabled and has renal failure which at the moment is causing him to need ti pee urgently and have terrible diaoreah. He is disabled and gets higher rate DLA. Often his condition makes it difficult for him to climb stairs too.
I would fully support him should he need to use a disabled loo.
After all, he would probably be in serious trouble if he walked into the ladies!

RandyRudolf :

" It seem ridiculous to not use a vacant loo on the off chance that somebody in a wheelchair or a nappy changing parent might need it in the next three minutes."

"I see disabled loos as being suitable for people with disabilities, but not for their exclusive use"

"A disabled loo isn't for the sole use of disabled people anyway, its simply adapted so that disabled users find it easier."

"I will use it if there's no one else in sight as I know (and there has been a thread on this subject) that I really am an in and out in seconds type of gal."

" I wouldn't use one to change clothes and apply make-up because I'd want to be out in as little time as possible precisely because the disabled depend on that particular facility; but I don't consider myself barred from it!"

"Just because somebody is disabled/has a young child does that give them an inability to queue?"

"As someone has already said up thread they are referred to as accessible toilets rather than disabled. Obviously you wouldn't go in and re-do your hair and makeup and the likes but if you need the toilet and all the others are taken there is no reason not to use them."

"You are perfectly entitled to use an accessible toilet, with or without good reason."

All from this one thread

iaminvisible I didn't see the bit about ebay and the key, I have just gone back and re-read it but agree that is beyond low.