To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

I was not rude to her - that was the whole point of my story! I told her, at least twice, that I respected her point of view but that I didn't share it.

To all those who are sickened by my actions, let's keep things in perspective please. Children are hundreds of times more likely to be killed in road accidents while riding in cars on the school run than they are of being abducted by a stranger. With that in mind, presumably that woman would be much more efficient if she posted herself on the pavement every morning and lectured every school run parent with a baby in their car?

We all take risks in life.

I don't think the lady was being rude. She was showing concern. Whats wrong with that? I think its ok for people to step in if they think somethings wrong. Obviously you don't have to agree with her. But I would rather people did that then walk on by, when there could actually be something wrong. And why would you feel hurt and humiliated by her comments?

We do, there is much more risk from people we know than strangers, from house fires than 'being killed in the garden by a falling roof tile' (an actual reason a woman gave not to leave a child sleeping in a pram outside)

At a nursery my son used to go to, they went for a walk and came back without him. They left him in a field for 20mins, he was 2. I was scared (of course) far more than I would be in a supermarket if one of the kids went missing because he could have fallen in a ditch or something but I wasn't angry with the nursery workers. It was just a mistake and they get made from time to time.

There are not piles of people waiting to steal your children. Not by a long shot.

Only you can judge the situation, if your DD had been the type to run off then of course you would have been irresponsible but you felt she would stay put and be fine for five minutes.

And she was! :o

Hear hear molly

When it's a risk you can't undo though, like the risk of losing your child forever, it's not one I'd personally take. There is no second chance with a risk like that.

Yes, the chances are it will never happen, but if it does...just the thought of it is making me feel sick inside.

Bad call OP. Nothing to be smug about dear.

Yes but you could say the same thing about having a tv in your home or not locking your children in a padded cell... Life is risky, we all decide what is worthwhile risk and what isn't.

That's what I was (badly) trying to get at gecko
That for me it's wouldn't be a worthwhile risk at that age.
But I appreciate that others may judge differently.

As someone else said though 4 year olds, even sensible ones are unpredictable.

You think the lady was rude, some people think you were rude and a bit silly but you were in the situation and did what you were happy with.

I don't know, after the McCann story, I must say I do tend to do a little mental test of 'how would this read on the front page of the DM/on MN'.

The Jamie Bulger case scares me more than the Macann one if I'm honest. In the UK, and UK people not intervening.

Take risks with your child if you, er, want to. Children of that age should remain within sight though, IMVHO.

You do sound as though you overreacted to the woman. I'm not sure why this is badge-winning behaviour.

How would it read on the front page of the DM?

There would be a large sad face picture of the lady with the headline

'PENSIONER ASSAULTED BY SINGLE MOTHER WHO ABANDONED CHILD WHILE BUYING FAGS AND BOOZE. BROKEN BRITON'

Op, there are necessary risks and unnecessary risks and plenty in between.

The risk you took was completely unnecessary. School runs are necessary in general.

but both cases grabbed the publics attention and remained news worthy because of the rarity of the event

How long do you refuse to allow them to take risks 4,10,18? it's all about your child and what you think they can manage

OP I see nothing wrong in what you did

I don't know 'wait over there a minute' shows you respect her and trust her. Had she wondered off and got lost (the most probable outcome) she would have got scared and learned that it's not worth while to run off.

As it is (probably because the OP has put trust in her before) she stayed put with her scooter.

Life is very different since the Bulger case a child goes missing and it is local news instantly. Had the same thing happened to little James today, he would have been picked up long before he left the strand.

gordy my you get brother was the same age as Jamie and I remember it having a big effect on my mum (and me, I was 13) at the time, think that's why it's just stayed with me

Hear hear primafacie! Reminds me of the argument where everyone is hysterical about a whiff of fag smoke and yet happy to subject their kids to unlimited car fumes on all our busy streets. Hundreds of children are killed in car accidents....... One or two are abducted

My younger even!

Lol at Molly.

I'll give the op a badge. :)

At 4/5 my dc have been perfectly capable of standing and waiting for me to pay at tills. Inside a shop. Inside a shopping centre. Next to a security guard. For a couple of minutes.

Abduction would be the last of my worries. It's the wandering off, walking behind a reversing car type scenario that people should be worried about.

I have no desire to give my opinion on whether or not you behaved responsibly or not but I am so over the number of threads on mn that could be retitled 'come over here and tell me I'm brilliant.'