To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

See you put it beautifully threewise

I totally agree.

You haven't supplied us with a detailed to-scale blueprint of the store with all players' positions clearly marked and colour-coded. Further to this, you have not enclosed your action plan if a mass zombie outbreak had occurred while you and your daughter were separated.

YABU.

The child is 4. The comment about helicopter parenting is ridiculous.

Also, 'social construct'? Its subjective, yes. But not a social construct.

Child abductors and paedos don't shop where they sell 'naice' ham...oh, hang on a minute

Incidentally, the irony did not escape me that that woman was actually proving me right - that we live in a good society where people do look for and care about their neighbours. Funny that she disagreed with me on that :)

We were hardly blasé, just telling you the facts and pointing out that you were wrong.

No point in scaremongering.

Yes, and to thank her you were rude to her.

I'm sure the parents of abducted children wish that there had been more people like this old lady around at the time someone walked off with their son/daughter (people prepared to question and challenge, not just turn a blind eye).

I don't think she was wrong in what she did/said. I have 'watched and waited' many times when I've seen a young child alone.

I think your response to her was OTT.

If I saw a 4yo child who was alone in a supermarket, happily standing next to a security guard and a scooter I wouldn't bat an eyelid. If I saw a child crying in the supermarket with no adult I would ask if they were ok and take them to find their parent.
I would also be more than happy allowing my own 4yo to play in the photo booth or sit on the bench.
If someone made a show of disapproval I would be quite annoyed tbh. That's not the same thing as showing concern.

And yet you were rude to her.

Look, if I'd seen a 4 year old stood on their own, I would quite probably have asked the child if they were ok. And then if the parent had wandered over, well I'd probably have said 'ooh I was worried they were by themselves/lost' to clarify that I wasn't about to snatch their child.

Its up to you to decide what risks you want to take or not take with your child but it really is a good thing that some people still keep an eye on small children.

Although, she did go on a bit but was perhaps a bit shocked by the paedos on every corner comment unless she's an mn'er

Thanks Mary; my neighbour did something similar and her DD wandered off. She turned up half an hour later after being found wandering down the mall by a security guard, but my neighbour was terrified.

Keeping an eye on a small child in a supermarket isn't helicopter parenting, it's common sense.

And now that I've completely disregarded my chocolate covered M&S biscuit I would say to the nanny who posted earlier and lets the young children go off on their own that yes if you were my nanny and the children are 4-6 I would consider that a failure to look after my child and would no longer be employing you.

Surely it was obvious that the child was stood by her scooter waiting for her mum?

It's not anyone else's business I think you handled it fine. You certainly weren't rude to her.

You were in the wrong and someone (a member of your "good society" no less) told you this. You should never ever leave a 4yo in a shop unattended. It's irrelevant that she's nearly 5.

It is correct to assume that the vast majority of people are "good". But it is idiotic to take unnecessary risks.

Nothing ironice about your bad manners op.

OP

You weren't rude - you expressed your opinion as she did hers. That's assertiveness and I think that's what you are proud of.

I agree it is good that someone cared about your child, though. Thanking her for that might have softened it a bit.

Good point. All the people saying its fine, persumably you would all be fine with a childminder letting your 4 year old wonder ofd out her sight in a shop by the entrance too? Sound good?

Not to me it doesnt.

Ironice?

You'd never think I was doing sober January

I would not mind if a childminder left my child for five minutes while she sorted shopping .

no - but the OP didn't let her 'wonder out of sight' she allowed her to go and stand by her scooter and wait for her - which she did

I, as a parent, allow my child to take small risks and have a degree of independence - how else are they supposed to learn how to make their own risk assessments

I doubt a childminder would do the same as it's not their child

Geckos You wouldn't mind until that moment when the childminder lost your child.

Would you remain calm , shoulder shrug and say ' never mind, it was only 5 minutes'. Really?