To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

Hmm, she told you to go home did she? I think that would have been a particularly relevant bit of detail to add to the OP. Wonder why you didn't, and drip fed it instead..........

I agree with the old lady. YABU

I left my kid at home whilst I jetted off to Shagaluf with a bunch of immigrants and the ghost of Jimmy Saville was flying the plane.

I'm trying to get my head round this one. 2 people can risk assess a situation in different ways (or 361 different ways judging by the length of this thread) and we don't know your child or the exact layout of the supermarket or how busy it was. So I'm prepared to accept that the band of acceptable judgments is wide on that one.

But it is obvious that responsible adults looking out for the welfare of children are a good thing. They keep all our children safe. Even if your DD was completely safe because your risk assessment was beyond reproach this other adult was keeping an eye out because some children have irresponsible parents who make lousy judgments and until you came back she did not know which situation your DD was in. The only information the other woman had was that your DD was small and alone so she kept an eye on her.

OK so she was a bit officious in her manner. But it was still the case that the only correct response from you was 'Thank you so much for keeping an eye out.' She did something nice.

Of course abduction/fire/axe wielding maniacs etc are rare. But people have already mentioned all kinds of common dangers which can befall children especially the risk of wandering off and getting lost. If your DD had started to wander away having another adult step in and say 'Are you waiting for Mum or Dad, I think they'd like you to stay here.' would have saved you a terrifying experience.

We want a society which looks out for children and where such behaviour is rewarded with gratitude. Your ingratitude hurts everyone.

The risk comparison between the risks of smoking/over-eating and the risks of abduction is completely irrelevant. If an adult sees an isolated child approached by another adult and intervenes they will probably prevent an abduction - the tragedy of Jamie Bulger was that no one around would have contemplated a 2 year old being abducted by a 10 and 11 year old. Whereas if an adult berates a parent for smoking it is highly unlikely that this will directly cause the parent to give up smoking. And in the case of over-eating the evidence is that fat-shaming directly causes over-eating and weight gain. So it isn't the relative risks you should compare but the likely benefits of intervention.

Cliff, what hotel?

The 4 YO can look after the 2YO :o

Marmalade, care to join us?

I'm in.

Bring the mushroom sauce with you. I bet I can rustle up a decent cocktail with that.

I think Penelope has it right when she says that this lady didn't know you had deemed it safe, she didn't know your dd and was only looking out for her safety.

I know us parents can get terribly defensive at times though, especially when it feels like our parenting is called into question.

I do think that some posters can get hysterical though about such perceived dangers and it's a shame that this thread has gone in such a predictable fashion. I'll bet OP that if someone disagreed with you but in a reasonable and friendly manner you would have been far more willing to listen to their point of view?

Accusations, rudeness and insults don't make valid points or arguments. They just create a defensive atmosphere which ends in a bunfight and everyone storming off sulking.

Marmalade where was my invite?

I think I agree Penelope

OP, re-reading and thinking (I don't think the other woman was rude, nor do I think you were), what is interesting was how hurt, humiliated and angered you were.

I think that if you really believe your assessment was correct (and I think only you are able to really judge that), then there's no need to be so thrown by someone else's opinion, or to see it as an attack on you.

Prima oooh, it was one of many

My baby alarm is now up in the loft, can't be arsed getting it, I'll just leave the phone off the hook so I can hear them.

YANBU

Based only on your post then I think your decision to allow your dd to wait by the scooters was very reasonable. Standing up for your own parenting decisions can be quite scary sometimes, so well done.

Nearly 5yo means she is prob at school and opportunity to feel BIG and independent, following simple instructions etc, is very valuable at that stage. SOME children are very reliable and rules-orientated at that age, especially when they feel that they are being allowed to do something quite grown up -my dd1 certainly was.

It's hard to know from your post whether the woman was purely interfering (yuk) or, far more likely, just concerned for your child. If just concerned then just be happy that other people are looking out for her too, no matter how annoying, arrogant & rude misguided they are. The only thing you you could do better is add a 'thankyou' next time :-)

I love it when reason wins the day

Everyone is welcome on the immigrant Shagaluf love plane.

As long as you leave your kids at home. I'm not giving up a night singing Shania Twain songs at a dodgy karaoke to go and care for snotty kids.

She wanted the badge for keeping her shit together. For not getting arsey, defensive and grumpy.

That don't impress me much :o

I agree LineRunner

For some of us, being assertive does not come easily.

I'd also like to thank MN for the way I've dealt with a few situations.

Marmalade look, I've unlocked all the filters on the internet and deleted the parental code on iplayer - they can have a ball!

Now, which child should I sell for booze money?

Ha ha me too life

op don't post in an open forum if you don't want opposing views - wow you clearly did expect mutual back slapping!

Happy new year!!!!!!

I allowed 8 year old DD to have a glass of Baileys on Christmas Day - can I join the party with Cliff, Marmalade and Prima?

(DD was playing out at 3. Along with the other 3 and 4 year olds that she got on a mini bus with, without mum and dad, to go to Pre-School. If we had stayed in Germany she would have been walking, on her own, to School at the age of 5 alongside all the German kids. The only parents that had a problem with this were the Brits)

eve you'd admit that the German culture is set up for that school walking lark though isn't it?

My sister has been in Norway decades, her girls walked to school (alone) from tiny. Ditto my cousins in Switzerland.

Japanese school children do too...some have backpacks bigger than themselves!

In the UK , it is not so common...I don't think our culture looks out for them in the same way?

Anyway, I'm slack in millions of ways particularly on MN

LtEve, you're in!

Now wondering whether my next thread should be 'AIBU to send DD to French residential summer camp for a week or two, aged 5?'

Giving an 8 year old alcohol? Words fail me.

I used to have a sherry glass of Bailey's on Christmas eve from age 6. Never did me any harm.

I have no baby alarm! But my dd is old enough to go to the bar and bring booze.

I used to get 5 liqueur chocolates (the proper ones with actual booze in) in my Christmas stocking every year from age 7. I love Christmas.

Oh absolutely Feminine, as is Cypriot culture. I wish I was bringing DD up in either country tbh. DD had so much more freedom when we lived in Cyprus. I still give her loads here, and whether the cats bum faces with (mostly) good humour. I risk assess, know DDs limitations and act accordingly. As I'm sure the OP does.

lalouch what a fantastic road aware are you live in!

How ever I live in a small village and had about 6 or more serious road accidents some fatel in around ten years. All in the same place, all young children .

I'm not hysterical, I don't think monsters hide around every corner BUT I would never leave my four year old unattended.

To put faith in such a young child that they are going stay where they pinky promised is ridiculous. Mine had a penchant to come and find me even when I was stood at the side of her. Or make a den in the clothes racks, or go read a bloody comic.

But if course your was nearly five* practically an adult and probably very^ responsible .

Don't white wash the fact that what you did was irresponsible by screeching that were all afraid of perverts.

I cannot believe that posters are agreeable on thinking that there 4/5 year old are to be afforded trust on bring left alone . Oh but she wasn't was she the unpaid baby sitter was keeping an eye on her.

Arf at kids play near the road allllllll the time and never get run over....