To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

You're very welcome, OP! Ensure it remains happy by making sure that you don't expose your four year old to any other needless risks.

Irony lost on you missmarple? ;)

Perhaps on you Prima?

Life, actually the risk is much higher if you are driving with a child in the car.

Thankfully I don't drive.

I don't think it was prima ha ha ha

She was really very silly and should be glad that people, both on this forum and in real life, are prepared to judge her and tell her how remarkably irresponsible she was. I certainly judge her and my judgement, based on her own telling, is that she was very wrong.

If that's ironic, then yes I confess it was lost on me! :o

Yes, OP, I really did think that you were wishing me a Happy New Year!!! Wot is irony??

Oh Prima, you completely missed the point.

Ok, good luck with everything. Pls think about this thread occasionally when taking certain risks (and please please don't measure every risk against the risk of being run over or involved in a car crash for heaven's sakes!).

I am very thankful that you don't drive.

However, if that dark day should ever dawn, may I suggest that you follow the example of one of your supporters and always carefully place your children in the boot. If anyone calls you on it, well you just tell them...'My Children, My right to risk their safety.'

Do not leave your children unattended in a busy place where you can't see them for a period of time. You have no right to do this. If you did it because you are stupid, then learn and be glad that others are there to teach you.

Missmarple just nailed it.

But I suspect that OP and others with similar views on their child's safety will continue to behave like this, whilst others, myself included, prefer to, well prefer to protect their children, even if the risk is teeny teeny weeny tiny (yeah, we got, it's a teeny tiny risk. We have more chance of blah blah blah).

Let me spell it out to you, then.

I did not care for that woman's opinion. Nor do I care about yours. I did not ask whether IWBU making that risk assessment, so your judgment is nowhere here nor there. I can almost see you wagging your finger under my nose. You sound like someone who just wants to pick on a fight. I am not interested in fighting you, as I don't need to defend myself.

I wished her a happy new year, and you remind me of her.

I hope it is all clear now.

Well yes, I think anyone disagreeing with you on this issue is going to remind you of that lady!

And you know what, I stand proud next to that old lady!

It's funny, it's one of those things where the MN 'why take any risk' contingent seems well out of touch with what I see as standard parenting practice happening all around me. We live by a busy city road, for instance, with an astounding local birth rate, so there are kids everywhere. I've yet to see anyone constantly keeping hold of their 4 or 5 year olds hand when they walk along this road, as was suggested upthread is the minimum standard of responsible parenting. Many let them scoot down it at 2, which wouldn't be my choice, but would have people on MN positively hyperventilating with indignation and horror. Yet there haven't been any child fatalities on this road at any point since I've lived here (over 10 years). Small children must be more able to assess risk than they are given credit for!

Well the thread has 363 posts and I have only said that to one poster, so go figure.

And for the record, I never called her an old lady. I know a lot of vibrant 75 year olds who I would not call old.

Prima didn't ask for opinions. She didn't ask for the woman in the OP's opinion either.

The only person who could judge whether it was safe or not is Prima. None of us were there.

^this was to Life (slow typer)

I also find it ironic that Geckos comes on this thread when less than a month ago posted about driving her kids round in her car at night and asked if it would be unreasonable to leave them sleeping in the boot of her car while she went to fucking work!

Do you think perhaps you ought to get a grip. I wrote that post just before I phoned up and said I couldn't work.

All you are proving is your own inability to follow threads. Well done.

Nothing wrong with being old for goodness sakes! Don't try and make an issue out of that OP!

Gecko? Your post totally baffled me.

Prima but you do care for the opinion of the mumsnet posters including lifeis and missmarple, isn't that the point of your post to credit mn, can I have a shiny badge now please?

Geckos-I do not need a grip to hold Thankyou!
I am quite capable of following threads as well,I read yours from start to finish.
I also remember your other examples on there where you say that you frequently leave your children alone in the car while you go shopping,leaving your young children alone with food etc
So I won't be listening to any advice you dish out thanks

YouStay, my OP was about handling unwanted backseat parenting/advice. A lot of posters got it. Some didn't. Not a biggie.

As OP has honestly described the circumstances to us and as we have the conflicting opinion of another woman who was also there, it seems that it is reasonable to give an opinion on a forum to which the OP has proffered the situation to.

By asking for a shiny badge, it would be reasonable to assume that the OP thought most other posters would agree with her own version: in this, she appears to be wrong. Very galling for her.

primafacie allow me.

I HAVE LEFT MY CHILDREN IN A HOTEL BEDROOM ASLEEP WITH JUST A BABY ALARM FOR COMPANY WHILST DH AND I HAD A DRINK IN THE HOTEL BAR.

That ought to do it.

Now back to the OP. I think since the woman was aged about 75 you might want to give her the benefit of doubt. She may only read the Daily Mail and may think that since her own childhood, today's society is full of immigrants, ladettes, paedos and muggers. She may have had a bad experience herself, who knows?

You weren't rude to her. I think I would have been quite taken aback myself and may have discussed the relevance of individual risk assessments with her and perhaps even Googled the statistics of child abduction outside M&S.

But, and this is a big but, she was clearly a little concerned for your child and that is always a nice thing. Shame she wasn't nicer about it but at least hers is not the generation that thinks it's none of their business and pretends not to see as someone is getting attacked/raped/mugged. She had a concern, legitimate or not, and she acted on that concern. There is nothing very wrong with that.

Again though, you weren't overly rude with her so that's fine. She can now have a good gossip about you on Gransnet.

Fancy a drink at the bar? Do you have a baby alarm?