To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

You left your FOUR year old. ALONE. In a shop, in the middle of a shopping centre.

Say that sentence to yourself a few times. Go on. Keep saying it until it sinks in.

There is no excuse that will make your actions ok or reasonable.

You behaved foolishly and irresponsibly. I am glad someone had the guts to point this out to your face and a modicum of gratitude to the lady, whether she be 109, or 19, would befit you better.

However, your overweening arrogance makes that seem unlikely. It may comfort you to smirk about zombies etc., but do try to concentrate your mind on the much more likely scenarios of your four year old wandering off and either getting lost or run over.

Quite frankly, if you can't look after your four year old child while outside the home then yes, until you have learned how to do so you should stay at home and stick to online shopping.

I think the lady behaved well. She and the guard must have thought you were a staring lunatic, smiling away all the time and refusing to accept that you had done anything wrong and maybe that is the kindest thing that could be said about you.

YABU

Do many kids get run over inside shops inside pedestrian shopping centres then missmarples?

Is this a bunfight yet?

No, they don't. However, kids wander off but I realise that snurking might make it difficult to digest that fact.

lemon at least the overweight/smoking damaged kids will have the chance to get away from their parents and make their own choices later in life. That can't be said for the kids abducted, abused and murdered.

Also some parents have a problem with overeating and smoking addiction and they are trying to do their best to bring up their kids. The OP just left a 5 year old alone in/near/outside a shop. This is worse in my opinion.

We are not just discussing the rudeness (or not) of the woman we are discussing the stupidity of leaving a 5 year old in danger.

If something HAD happened no matter how remote the possibility, would you be able to say that you did everything in your power to keep your dd safe. I don't think you would.

Well behaved children that know to stay where their parent told them to stay (for a whole two minutes whilst said parent was at the till, you know, the tills, the things that are generally near to the exit of the shop) don't wander off (you know, like the OPs child, the one that didn't wander off, for the whole two minutes she wasn't holding her mothers hand)

I don't think you did anything wrong OP. I wouldn't have done it myself, but I am aware I am extremely protective in that particular way (though in other ways I allow my children to do things that other people might not allow theirs to do). I think you have the right to make the judgement yourself.

There is no such thing as getting your shopping done in a supermarket in 2 minutes.

The child has yet to be born who does everything they are told: that is because they are children.

Both stories come under the heading of wishful thinking or, as an unkind critic might phrase it, lies.

Doesn't sound like she was rude TBH. She might have been fussing a bit but it's much better to laugh that sort of thing off than make a big passive aggressive deal out of it and go out of your way to end the encounter on a sour note.

Actually I'd give the badge to her for wishing you a happy new year.

Yes they do, LtEve. There isn't a child on the planet with the physical and cognitive ability to do so who hasn't, at some point, not done as they are told.

We don't know where the tills are. We can also make a reasonable guess (as the OP hasn't mentioned that she could, whereas she's been generous with all the other detail) that her daughter wasn't within her line of sight.

YABVU - "Thanks for your opinion. Have a nice day." You wasted too much oxygen.

yabu to ask for a 'badge' ,why do you want validation of how you spoke to a woman who clearly was showing concern about your daughter being left alone.
No point repeating statements that many others have said about taking unnecessary risks leaving your children.But I agree if you think it's a risk worth taking then it's your prerogative,your child after all.
I find these threads unbeleivable sometimes,almost a competitive not bothered attitude as if that makes it ok!
My dc are 4,they do not play out alone,they don't walk out of sight,they are not allowed to walk around shops alone,they are not allowed to wait by shop doors alone,and my friends with dc do the same.
I would also be concerned if I saw a child of that age alone,but I'm sure I'm going to be told I would be overreacting,keep my nose out etc.
These threads about telling people to basically butt out will result in exactly that,the lady in the op possibly won't raise her concerns again if she sees a child alone.
I also find it ironic that Geckos comes on this thread when less than a month ago posted about driving her kids round in her car at night and asked if it would be unreasonable to leave them sleeping in the boot of her car while she went to fucking work!
But there you go the parallel world of mn that I think most of us never ever see on a daily basis.

I also find it ironic that Geckos comes on this thread when less than a month ago posted about driving her kids round in her car at night and asked if it would be unreasonable to leave them sleeping in the boot of her car while she went to fucking work!

I know iceclear

I can't see a problem with what the OP did, and I do think the woman was out of order in interfering.

If I spotted a young child apparently alone in such a situation, I would probably keep a watch for a little while, just to be sure, but I certainly would not harangue the mother once she turned up.

If peodophiles really are the concern here, then any child of any age is equally as vulnerable ... presumably this means that the hysterical objecters on this thread have kept their own children on reins until the age of 14 or so?

How can children learn anything if we don't let them do anything?

I'm not sure people saying they don't allow their young children to be left alone/walk out of sight etc are being hysterical.
I'm certainly not hysterical about paediphiles,but there have been very good reasons cited for keeping children close by etc.
Yesterday we walked home from a relatives house,it was dark and a large dog ran up to us.my daughter is scared of dogs so if she was walking ahead out of sight she would have been terrified,as it was we walked calmly on holding hands and dog ran back to it's owner.
I won't let my children wander around shops or stand alone in shops at this young age because there are many risks,that I feel are not worth taking,running out,getting lost outside,damaging stock.as a retail manager it sometimes feels like some parents use the shop as a crèche while looking around,not keeping an eye on their children,ruining products while giving staff a mouthful should you dare to suggest that they keep their children close.
No one is suggesting kids are kept on reins until 15 but why wouldn't you keep young children with you?

I don't think most people who feel that the OP was misguided have the fear of peodophiles at the top of their list, although only a fool would say it isn't a consideration.

The much more 'everyday' dangers that a four year old could wander off, get lost, distressed, be run over are the dangers that most have been pointing out to the OP. However, the OP clearly has the only 4 year old in the world who would never wander away.

She was really very silly and should be glad that people, both on this forum and in real life, are prepared to judge her and tell her how remarkably irresponsible she was. I certainly judge her and my judgement, based on her own telling, is that she was very wrong.

As an aside, I also feel that nearly, almost, not quite qualified social workers studying in an unusual manner, who think they can put leave their children unattended in a car boot at night shouldn't throw around unsubstantiated allegations about step families.

op your sound like a bit of a knob, if it's a true story I can imagine you fantasizing how you were going to relay it back to us on the way home.

YABVU to leave your four year unattended in a store. Oh how you would have bleeted if she had wandered off, and the security guard would have said it wasn't his job to baby sit and you had to frantically run round looking for her.

Missmarple, thank you and happy new year. :)

You know your child OP and you know your surroundings so im sure you knew she would be fine.Youve probably seen the security guard a 100 times and knew theyd be there.

Coldleft, that is what I thought. I imagined the OP puffing out her chest as she walked away, feeling oh so proud of herself, already working out what she was going to write on mumsnet.

Slack parenting. OP didn't want to get into an argument with her four year old, so she took the path of least resistance. I would never, never, ever, leave my four year old standing outside a shop for five mins (read ten, at least).

Tbh if i saw a kid alone at a door with a security guard id think shes waiting near her scooter near the guard or presume shes lost and gone for help to the guard to find her mum.

I'm honestly astounded by some posters not give a shit it won't happen to my child attitude to their child's safety . Not every child is going to be put in harms way BUT there is a small risk that it could happen. Why anybody would risk that it is beyond me?

Must be the trendy way to behave on here ???

Oh and is there anything more ridiculous than those that come out of the woodwork spouting nonsense about... Well, every time I take my dc out there is more chance of them being knocked over by a car.

Well yes, there is. And if you are spouting nonsense like that, then there is probably a rather higher than normal risk of your child being knocked over by a car.