To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

Now please can you stop following me?

that was rude! The woman was doing nothing ,more than being concerned for your child.

Coldlightofday - thanks, you've worded it much better than I could hope to.

I would never excuse what those boys did. It was terrible. But I think that they must have had some seriously bad things going on in their lives that they became so twisted as to think what they were doing wasn't that bad.

And of course the upshot of it all is the long-term effects it's had on one of them and the way he keeps bouncing in and out of prison. But gives the gutter press more trash to sell with, doesn't it?

I'm with you, OP. Your child was fine, you responded politely to the woman, and all was right with the world.

The overreactions on this thread are rather amusing.

if you think I'm sarcastic, you should meet my sister! She makes me look positively saintlike.

Yabu. I'm astonished that you thought it was safe to leave your dd unattended. I'm sure parents who've had children abducted thought they were in a safe area too.

Penguins - have you actually read the thread?

Children are statistically more likely to be abducted by someone they know (about 97% more likely) than a strange. Abductions are statistically less likely these days than in the 60s.

I don't think the old lady was rude, but it would have annoyed me.

I don't think the OP was unreasonable for letting her child stand by scooters inside a shop near a security guard,when she probably could see she would only be a few minutes through the checkout.

But (almost) 5 year olds vary enormously in how sensible or confident they are.

DS1 wouldn't have even asked to do that, he always stuck close by me when shopping.

DD1 would have gone and stood quietly and sensibly and waited till she saw me. And would have asked a member of staff is she was worried if I was gone very much longer than anticipated.

DS2? - He would probably have got distracted by something and I would have to weigh up the situation carefully before deciding. I would probably have sent one of the older ones to go with him!

Your children,your decision.

You shouldn't go through life forever saying "But what if...". Sometimes 'risks' can and should be taken.

On what planet is "Now please can you stop following me" rude?

Seriously?

OP had replied to the lady's (unnecessary) concern, but the lady continued, following OP out of the shop to do so. OP asked her, politely, to stop.

How was that rude?

Children can be unpredictable, but it depends on the circumstances. If I told 5yo dd (and indeed her 3yo sibling) to stand somewhere, do not talk to anyone and DO NOT MOVE, then I can say categorically that they will not budge an inch until I get back. I wouldn't trust them to automatically stop at a curb, for instance, because they might be distracted or thinking of other things. But in the ops situation, where i have specifally told them it is very very important that they do as i say, know my kids and I know it would take an earthquake to move them. So I don't think it was an unreasonable risk, and have done similar if not exactly the same. In Germany many kids at kindergarten age walk to school alone! The snatching hysteria is v uniquely British in my experience.

Agree about the snatching hysteria, lalouche. The old bag sounded nuts. (Yes, I know, old bag. I said it.)

Shame you are unable to be as restrained with your rudeness as the OP was.

"Sometimes 'risks' can and should be taken."

Agree.

Really can't see that this was in any way a necessary risk, though. So she has a very sensible five year old with her at the checkout who does as she's told. What's the bother with keeping her with her while she finishes at the checkout then?

Completely unnecessary risk.

Though I wouldn't regularly dump scooters inside the door my M and S either and assume they wouldn't get nicked because I live in a 'nice' area.

The woman's comments, and your assertive response are irrelevant. What is relevant is that leaving your child outside the shop was, in my opinion, wrong.

The old bag sounded nut

What a horrible thing to say.

nuts

OP was it fairly busy? Maybe that's why M & S lady was so worried? I lost Ds (4) in Tesco before Christmas. Was packed to the Rafters he was right behind me one minute as we was going to the tills and then bolted off as I turned my back to the magazine aisle. He can wail for England shout for me well enough but he was in too much of a panic when he turned around to see mummy hadn't noticed he had buggered off. I had noticed in seconds and was too busy skimming the aisles looking for him. Thankfully a friend of mine was also there at the same time and when some lovely young girls were taking him to the checkout. S said "it's okay. Leave X with me. I know his Mum". (Thankyou to the girls whoever you were too on the offchance you MN! ]. So yes because it can happen in a split second YABU to leave her. YNBU to bechased out the shop although I don't think the women was rude rude. Just concerned. I always hold back when I see a wondering toddler. The parent is usually not far behind.

RE being statistically more likely to be abducted by someone they know. What is the definition of 'someone you know' ? The person you see regularly in the corner shop? The mum/dad/other relation of someone in school?

I haven't read this whole thread and I certainly don't think anyone needed to post details about J.B case but that case was so horrific that it is imprinted on my mind decades later. I am sure it affects my decisions about what is safe in large shops and I suspect others are the same. Something like that does stay with people, maybe it has been part of what makes British people have that attitude mentioned earlier, different than Europe.

You dealt with the lady really well but yabu to have left your dd unattended.

The security guard could have been called to a situation or anything could have kicked off outside, nice area or not.
Congrats in having a sensible child but abductors are the most devious people on the planet.

She wasn't following the OP.The old lady was standing with the secuirity guard and the DD when OP approached and was still there with the security guardat the end of her tale
All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off

Someone you know being close friends and family. Extended family also rate high, step parents (especially dads) are also very high risks for abuse/abduction

Pixie, she did follow me outside the store and into the mall. Otherwise why would I have told her to stop following me? That wouldn't be rude, that would be irrational.

Is that the official definition Geckos? Do you have a link?