To credit MN for the way I handled this rude woman at the shops?

[Primafacie]

... When I felt a bit hurt, humiliated and angry at her comments?

I had an encounter this morning which up till now I thought only ever happened on Mumsnet :)

I was food shopping (M&S, not that i think it's relevant but so I am not accused of dripfeeding) with my DCs (aged 2 and almost 5). I always park their scooters by the store entrance (on the inside), which itself leads to the inside of a shopping mall, and is guarded by a staff member. We (and the store) are in a very safe, family friendly area.

As I was heading for the tills, DD nearly 5 asked if she could wait for me by the scooters. I said yes, as she is very sensible, I was only going to be a few minutes, and in my own risk assessment, this is not a risky situation.

Two minutes later, I emerge from the queue with my shopping and DS in tow. A woman (I am guessing around 75, again not really relevant but don't want to DF) is talking to the security guard by the door, pointing to DD who is waiting by the scooters. She sees me and says 'is this your child?' Conversation then goes like this:

Me: 'Yes she is'.
Her: 'I really don't think it is advisable to leave your child here, anyone could have kidnapped her'.
Me: Rrright. Well, I disagree,and I think she is perfectly safe here.
Her: but you are wrong. Anyone could have taken her. This is really dangerous.
Me: Well, that's your view. I happen to think we live in a good society and I don't see abductors and paedos everywhere.
Her: but you are wrong, you see. She could have come to harm.
Me: so you have said, several times. Look, I disagree with you, and I am not interested in your views. I didn't ask for your opinion. When I was her age my mum used to send me to the shops on my own. Now please leave me and my kids alone.
Her: Happy new year.
Me: and happy new year to you. Now please can you stop following me?

All this without raising my voice, or stopping smiling :o

All the while she was trying to get the poor security guy roped in to tell me off - to his credit, he never opened his mouth.

Still feeling a bit offended, but meh - hardly the end of the world.

So, thanks MN. Can I get my shiny badge now?

Sorry OP but I think YABVU. The older lady was perhaps a little rude but I believe that she was right to say something to you.

I would have told the woman to naff off. Okay, i personally wouldn't have left a child basically unattended, but that is your parenting choice. You made a risk assessment of the situation, as does every parent every day out and about and in their own home, which lots of other people may not agree with. From your post, the nature of this womans busibodiness was irritating- up in your grill and following you around. At most, she should have said 'I was worried about your child' just to reassure herself that she wasnt in fact actually lost or missing. Whoever mentioned upthread about her being elderly and should therefore be exempt from being told where to go is being ageist and ridiculous. It doesnt matter if someone is 32 or 89- you should treat people equally.

But she then delivered a lecture about safety - that's the bit that would have annoyed me.

Really? Where is this 'lecture' in the OP? The lady spoke three sentences!

And to Sisterelephant - I'm not being blase about anything. Merely pointing out the facts - unlike you who cited 'x children being kidnapped'. Who are all these children? Statistics show children are less in danger from people they don't know than ever. This is statistical fact.

You, on the other hand, are just scaremongering.

And doing a bad job of it at that.

PS - how do you know my childhood history or the history of my own dc to comment on 'til it happens to you'? You don't - I could tell you some stories, but it's not the place. I can comment with authority though, so please don't be so patronising.

onepostposy but he wasn't 'just with them', he was bloodied and in distress from them pushing him around and picking him up and dropping him etc.

So if I saw a relatively happy toddler with teenagers then no, I agree I may not be so alarmed. If I saw one who had blood on his face and was crying for his mummy as James was then yes, I would challenge that.

But important to say that I would probably only feel confident to do so BECAUSE of the Bulger case, because I wouldn't be able to let it go.

We drove past a four/ five year old a few weeks back. I almost got my DH to stop the car. I was very concerned he had given someone the slip!

I think it's because children don't go out alone where we live. I think it was ok to say she was concerned but she could have stopped after her first comment.

Worried I might turn into old lady though.

They DID challenge them - the boys said that he had fallen. I do take your point, I'm not trying to be contentious, it's just nothing like the Bulger case has happened before or since - no one could have anticipated two primary school aged boys were doing that.

onepost that's very true. I think that, it having happened, I'd personally now be less likely to take the older children's word for it maybe? But back then, like you say, it was beyond comprehension. Tragically no longer the case, if it makes more adults willing to look out for lone children and challenge then I think that's far better than the alternative.

I'm with the elderly lady on this one. It seems these days you can't leave a child unattended for even a few minutes. She could easily have wandered off.

I think you sound very entitled expecting the security guard to provide security for your scooters and child.

(Do I win a prize for using the term entitled btw?)

I didn't say they weren't needa, I'm not passing an opinion about the case or the boys, I'm simply saying that the people who DID see them are not in any way to blame.

Rinoa definitely

Good post Pooka

I can think of an example where another parent, with DCs younger than mine, told me I should not let them be by the water alone. They were watching people crabbing. She was less polite than the elderly lady in the OP, but I basically told her that they were fine and left it at that. After that though, came the self questioning - was I putting them at risk. I concluded I wasn't and that her fears were her own. But if I had been in a less assertive mood I might have called them back over to me or told them to be careful to please her.

i don't mind that she was concerned about my DCs, but it does, in the first moments feel like a criticism of your parenting.

Dear God, are we now turning this thread into a 'bash those two boys' thread?

What they did was horrific and beyond belief, but let's not forget that they were children themselves and had terrible, terrible home-lives. Awful stuff going on behind the scenes that meant that they didn't behave like other children did. They were not 'evil little shits' - they were children themselves, which is what makes it worse.

It's very easy to call them all the names under the sun and wish things on them, but ffs a touch of empathy wouldn't go amiss either.

Without wishing to derail this any further, rather than focusing on children, why not direct rage at the likes of Ian Brady and Ian Huntley, grown men, adults, who knew exactly what they were doing and why they were doing it.

Why a people saying it's a generational perception the lady who took issue with the child being left was around 75 according to the OP! I'm presuming her generation gave their DC a lot more freedom.

heartbrokenmum

Empathy? Seriously?!

Nope sorry, I have none for them. And using their home lives as an excuse is frankly an insult to the many thousands of people who have had awful upbringings and nevertheless have managed to grow to adulthood without abducting torturing and murdering a small child.

Molly :o

The zombie/alien abduction posts also made me smile. I accept I hadn't carried a risk assessment for those, which was clearly U.

Thank you and to all of you who see my point of view, I can't reply to everyone but I agree with those who have said our perception of risk has massively changed in one generation, and is skewed by highly mediatised stories.

I agree heartbrokenmum.

You behaved like an arse quite frankly.

Elderly woman had probably been watching for a few minutes till someone returned.

I have often kept an eye on children who look as though they are alone.

And Fanny do you then tell the parents repeatedly that their child could have been 'kidnapped'? The looking-out-for isn't the issue - it's the hectoring afterwards.

Threads like this invariably get derailed by alien abduction or zombie rubbish though, which prevents decent debate.

Still, at least they get for their worthwhile contribution.

The word 'kidnapped' was used once, the word 'taken' was used once. This is not a great example of 'repeated hectoring' - some amazing exaggeration here!

What bizarre responses. I agree I might wonder if a four year old standing at the doors was ok. In which case I would address said four year old and say: 'are you ok?'. In this case, I presume the four year old would have responded along on the lines of 'yes thanks, I'm just waiting for my mum'. End of. Surely?