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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified for my friend?

301 replies

MissWinter01 · 01/01/2014 11:24

Her husband attacked me last night (bruised arms, possible making of a black eye).

Had to wake my daughter up and take her home at 2am. He lost the plot and I don't even know what triggered it. Apparently this isn't the first time he has acted this way both outwith and within the marriage.

I'm actually worried about my friend and her little boys safety.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissWinter01 · 01/01/2014 12:04

No I am not. Scottish through a through. I think up here we are meant to rouse the clansmen with the pitchforks ;-)

All your replies are right (apart from the dicky one's, find something better to do than upset people who are already upset)

Thank you all. xx

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 01/01/2014 12:05

I live in Scotland AND have a pitchfork Grin

thornrose · 01/01/2014 12:06

I know people are angry and it's an emotive situation but let's not scare the OP away. She is coming round to the right thing to do now.

Justforlaughs · 01/01/2014 12:07

Ring them asap, don't wait until you get home.

Buzzardbird · 01/01/2014 12:07

Op has already said she will report today.

thornrose · 01/01/2014 12:08

Ah good, you're back MissWinter Grin

londonrach · 01/01/2014 12:09

Sending you hugs. Please report to police when home and ask mumsnet to remove this post. Be brave. So pleased someone thought the same xxxx

londonrach · 01/01/2014 12:10

Everyone not someone x

WilsonFrickett · 01/01/2014 12:11

Stop being a prick? Really? Can we hold off on the emotive language and victim blaming please?

Op I am very glad you are going to the police. You are doing the right thing.

Squitten · 01/01/2014 12:13

Please report it.

I think I would have to. If she goes back to him and he hurts her or, heaven forbid, the child, I don't think I could forgive myself for not acting when I had the chance.

IsabellaRockerfeller · 01/01/2014 12:13

I hope you are OK OP. What a shitty thing to happen to you, made all the worse by the fact that your attacker is your friend's husband.

Wishing you strength to report this to the police today. you will not be making the situation worse, you will be making it better: A violent man will see the consequences of his actions and you will be protecting your friend and her child.

knockedgymnast · 01/01/2014 12:14

Hey, op.

I think the call to the police is the only way forward. It will hopefully send out a message of how grave the situation is for her and her children. The police will then inform social services and it will be up to them to investigate further, which they will.

Perhaps your family/her family don't want to rock the boat, but what about the children?

It's such a difficult situation for you to be in but there truly is only one way to go.

Good luck, op.

X

Blu · 01/01/2014 12:15

All strength to you, OP, Especially because it is likely that things might seem to get worse before they get better and your friend and the families may well blame you. But that is what tree courage is, doing the right thing and doing the right thing in the longer term.

The DV unit will be used to the psychological effects of abuse and fear.

I hope your friend is safe today.

Make sure you have the right support for yourself. Find a friend in Rl who will be on your side.

So so sorry this is happening to you, and your friend.

GlaikitInAPearTree · 01/01/2014 12:15

Report it now, please. If they want to evidence your injuries the photos need to be taken as soon as possible, and by a proper police photographer.

Are you in Scotland?

SomePeopleNeedHelp · 01/01/2014 12:18

Op has been assualted. She does not need more bullying by self righteous people on the internet.

How could reporting make it worse? How are some of you so lacking in imagination?!

What do you think abusivefucker will do when the police come knocking? Get in the back of a taxi and disappear into the sunset like in Eastenders? Often they get more threatening and more abusive because they have been dobbed in and humiliated. Hopefully the op's friend is safe at her brother's. What the friend needs is to be listened to and have her own self esteem and trust in herself built up so she can free herself mentally and physically from her abuser.

Op you have been hurt and so should make your own decision about what to do. It is very important to get it on record, especially if dc witnessed. Just don't think that reporting it is the easy end to this.

perfectstorm · 01/01/2014 12:19

If you don't report it and he starts fighting in the courts for unsupervised contact with the child, how can she prove he's genuinely violent and this isn't her making stuff up to impede contact? What she wants now may be very different to what she needs in a couple of years from now. And that little boy needs protecting. Sad

So sorry this happened to you - fucking awful.

leavesalmondoutofit · 01/01/2014 12:20

{{{{{hugs}}}}}. Reporting will be very hard for you as you are anticipating the fallout for your friend. I hope you are OK but it is you who has been attacked and this is what you are reporting.

I worked with families where domestic violence was suspected (known but no one would admit). Very scary to be on the outside terrifying to be the victim.

Domestic violence is not particular to one group of people or area. Some people hide it better. I hope you have someone at home to help. Brew

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 01/01/2014 12:34

Can you go to the police wherever it is you are going? Obviously it will not be the correct police force but I think you may feel better when it is "done". And I would have thought that your odds of conviction (if that is what you decide you want) are higher the sooner you report.

A question for legal bods:- would a police report of assault by a woman in the house plus the wife's unsubstantiated claims of DA be enough to get the wife legal aid if she needs it?

Heartbrokenmum73 · 01/01/2014 12:37

SomePeopleNeedHelp

Are you reading the same thread as everyone else? Everyone here has agreed that OP should report to the police.

It is her family, the friend and friend's family that don't want her to report, not anyone here.

So stop having a go at people - you're not helping.

littlewhitechristmasbag · 01/01/2014 12:40

I don't know where you are in Scotland but the police force where i live have a fantastic domestic abuse team. If you friend is being subject to DV on a regular basis there is a lot of great support out there. However there can only be support given if the DV is reported. If not for her friend, then for the sake of her son you need to report this. The child will be aware of what is going on no mater what you or your friend might say about it not happening in front of him. He will be being affected there is no doubt about that and at some point will probably be in the midst of it and might get hurt.

BillyBanter · 01/01/2014 12:40

I'm glad you have decided to call the police. Smile

Good luck and sorry you have been through this.

Oldandcobwebby · 01/01/2014 12:42

My apologies OP regarding the "prick" comment. I really didn't mean to offend, but my experience of losing a dear friend and colleague because of dv makes me so very angry. I lost the plot there. Sorry.

PacificDogwood · 01/01/2014 12:43

Of course reporting it is not the easy thing to do - who said that??

It is the right thing to do and hopefully the start of getting on record of what this man in capable of.

Scotland has a v good DV support system set up and it will be manned to high levels this time of year/NYE.

It is hard enough to report something like this without being put off Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/01/2014 12:46

Well done, Oldandcobwebby for coming back and apologising - that takes a decent person.

cjel · 01/01/2014 12:46

I hope you are feeling safe and less shaky now OP. I also hope that you do find the courage to go with your gut and report it. The people who around you say don't are trying to make this all 'nice and normal' and don't want to face the truth. Please be brave and make thing better in the long run for your freind and her ds.xx

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