To be terrified for my friend?

[MissWinter01]

Her husband attacked me last night (bruised arms, possible making of a black eye).

Had to wake my daughter up and take her home at 2am. He lost the plot and I don't even know what triggered it. Apparently this isn't the first time he has acted this way both outwith and within the marriage.

I'm actually worried about my friend and her little boys safety.

I agree with all those saying that you need to report this. Even if it isn't taken any further, it would mean that this incident is officially recorded, and that could really help when/if your friend decides or needs to take things further.

It also helps to establish a pattern of behaviour, and that might help if she needs to control his access to their children - ie. if there is a history of violence, it might be easier for her to get a court to insist on supervised visitation.

FYI Samaritans, great as they are, don't give advice (they just listen). Woman's Aid is best for advice and perspective.

Call them now before you start to lose focus. Take photos of the bruising and write down everything that happened whilst you wait for them to call round.

Please report it to the police.

So what happens when he tracks her down and assaults her, possibly fatally, because there's nobody to stop him? When the police interview all her friends and relatives, do you lie and say you had no idea he was violent, or do you say "oh yes, we knew he was capable of this, but we chose not to stop him"?

Unfortunately that's the reality. She's out of the situation right now so it's the Percy opportunity to go to the police WITHOUT making it worse. In a couple of days' time she'll be back with him and then, if you haven't said anything, she'll be particularly vulnerable.

Alternatively, if she really has left him and you've not said anything, what happens when he decides he wants the child? By saying something now, you're helping to safeguard the child too.

It will take a lot of bravery on your part, but it's the right thing to do. Your poor friend is so terrified of this guy that she can't see past immediate fear. Good luck, be strong.

Sadly, I think MissWinter's family agreeing with not calling the police is quite common .
Not wanting to 'rock the boat' when the boat very badly needs rocking IYWKIM.

MissWinters, have a . I hope you feel better soon.
Reread this whole thread from start to finish.

Then call the police because you know it's the right thing to do.
For yourself.
For your friend.
And in principle.

Percy? 'Perfect'.

I agree with everyone else is not up to your friends whether you report it. If she is to afraid to take any action when he attacks her then that is one thing. She needs help and support but she should also call the police. But she and your families cannot and must not dictate what you do when it is you he had attacked. What if he hurt your child? Would you report that, or would you leave it on the basis that it might make things worse for your friends?

PurpleRayne No offence but how fucking unkind.

Thanks everyone else. I know you are all right. I'm already on route to a different part of the country but will ring and ask for someone to come round once we are home.

If you are really her friend then you'll call the police you may lose a friend but you might just save her life

Ask yourself what's more important

V best of luck to you.

You are in a difficult position, but some of the most important decisions and actions we take in life are the difficult ones. Please get it right.

One of these days she will gather up the courage to leave him for good. (I hope. The alternatives are too grim to consider.) When she does she will have a fight on her hands to keep the children safe when they see him for contact. If you haven't logged this with the police, she's going to struggle to insist on supervised access. It may just be her word again his.
She doesn't want you to report this because she is conditioned to do anything possible to avoid angering him. When she's free of his influence she'll think differently.
By reporting him to police you strengthen her ability to leave for good. Her DC shouldn't have to live like this. They need someone to help them.
Don't not report it for her sake. As others said, you could be potentially saving her life.

"Stop being so bloody selfish, woman up and report to the police."

What a fucking twatty thing to say to someone who has been assaulted and is probably in shock and confused.

Miss winter can I just ask are u from an asian background? Just that certain communities are more likely to cover dv up and are more freaked out by calling police.

But please listen to other posters and call police. Sometimes thats the only thing that makes it stop and your friend will thank you for it. Nothing worse than living in fear. She isnt safe and could u really live with yourself if the worst happened?

Please call the police. Someone assaulted you. Nothing else matters here. If you don't stop him he will continue to think it's OK.

Fast forward twenty years. Your own DD comes to you and says her friend's husband has attacked her, leaving her bruised and with a black eye.

What would you tell her to do? Would you want the man arrested? If that happened to my DD, regardless of who did it, I'd want the fucker arrested immediately.

Pretty sure anger will come out in posters that think you are not going to do anything.

It seems you are, well done. I hope your injuries feel better soon.

Call the police. This is one situation where a random group of strangers on the internet are talking much more sense than the people close to you.

I think you're still shaking and traumatised by the attack - I get that. However, you will be protecting your friend if you call the police and make his violence a matter of public record. You will also be protecting yourself. Oh, and your daughter who was in the house when you were assaulted.

Please. Please. Go to the police.

Xpost. That's brilliant op. Don't put it off though. Do it today.

Stop being a prick? How the fuck is this woman being a prick by asking what to do for the best? She came for advice not to be called nasty names by fucking armchair mumsnetters. All very easy to day call the police except everyone in real life is telling her not to. How about some fucking empathy.

Stop being a prick.

What a delightful thing to say to someone who's been attacked.

You must report this so it is documented somewhere as someone who acts like that rarely does it only once. Please.