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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified for my friend?

301 replies

MissWinter01 · 01/01/2014 11:24

Her husband attacked me last night (bruised arms, possible making of a black eye).

Had to wake my daughter up and take her home at 2am. He lost the plot and I don't even know what triggered it. Apparently this isn't the first time he has acted this way both outwith and within the marriage.

I'm actually worried about my friend and her little boys safety.

OP posts:
AllThatGlistensIsChristmassy · 01/01/2014 11:45

What will make it worse for her, will be her family continuing to sweep his abuse of her under the carpet.

Reporting him is the right thing to do.

AngryBirdRoast · 01/01/2014 11:46

and if she wants to defend him then she can do it to the police. You are going along with her defence of his actions which makes you, kind of complicit? I dunno, but if her child is at risk and she is refusing to protect him because she wants to protect the aggressor then she risks having her child taken from her.

You need to act as an individual here. Besides which your attack has nothing to do with any that may have occured to her. It's a separate incident. It doesn't compel her to report any others.

somethingchristmassy · 01/01/2014 11:46

You MUST call the police.

londonrach · 01/01/2014 11:46

Next time he could kill....please your friend needs you to be stronger than her so please report to

Police
refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/our-services/refuges/

formerbabe · 01/01/2014 11:47

Your friend has a husband who beats up her friend with young children in the house and this isn't the first time he has done it?! Hmmm, not sure things could get worse to be honest.

Sounds like you are all scared of him...so now, he has carte blanche to behave how he wants forever.

Great.

gallicgirl · 01/01/2014 11:47

If you don't report it to the police, he'll think he's got away with it. He'll think his behaviour is ok. He'll think he can do it again. He'll think he controls your friend, you and your families.

How badly does he have to beat someone before it is ok to report? After he kills your friend?

simplesimone1976 · 01/01/2014 11:48

P

jacks365 · 01/01/2014 11:48

Just to add my voice to others please report to the police.

simplesimone1976 · 01/01/2014 11:49

Please set the ri

NettleTea · 01/01/2014 11:49

If you report it to the police then he will have a record of violence, which she may actually find helpful in the future should she want to keep her kids safe from him (ie supervised contact, etc)

simplesimone1976 · 01/01/2014 11:49

Please set th

simplesimone1976 · 01/01/2014 11:49

P

simplesimone1976 · 01/01/2014 11:49

P

Dawndonnaagain · 01/01/2014 11:50

Please call the police. He needs anger management training and this is the opportunity to provide it. It could be one of the children next time. She says she's not going back, but if she doesn't want to report it, she will go back. You are handing somebody even more control by allowing them to treat you in this fashion, as was said upthread, if it were a stranger you would do it. He's done it before and until he gets the police stepping in, he will continue to do it. Be brave, for her sake, your sake and yep, the old mumsnet cliche: think of the children.

Edendance · 01/01/2014 11:50

You need to report it to the police. I reckon it'd be easier for her to report it in the future and be stronger if the police are already involved than it being her who has to make the first move.

Justforlaughs · 01/01/2014 11:50

I really can't believe that your own family don't want you to report this. If you were my daughter, sister or a friend I would be marching you down the police station right now. If you really feel strongly that you don;t want to go against her wished, ask her if she will phone someone - like The Samaritans/ Womens Aid, while you are with her and ask THEIR advice. I would guarantee what they will say, but it might come better from them.

Mymumsfurcoat · 01/01/2014 11:51

Please call the police. Don't let him bully you too.

pomdereplay · 01/01/2014 11:52

Stop prevaricating and phone the police. This situation is utterly unambiguous. Please look at the absolutely unanimous responses you've had here and take appropriate action.

Buzzardbird · 01/01/2014 11:52

You will never, never forgive yourself if you don't do something about this NOW! There is not one person on this thread that is agreeing with your incredibly naive families.

Do the right thing, as a fellow human being, please!

simplesimone1976 · 01/01/2014 11:52

Please set the right example for your daughter, you need to show her that violence gets punished, or do you want her growing up thinking someone can assault her and get away with it

steff13 · 01/01/2014 11:53

You have to report it.

Workberk · 01/01/2014 11:53

Sorry to hear you were attacked, that's awful.

Reporting it is not up to anyone else, it's up to you. Do what you think is right. If you are worried for your friend, what's the right thing to do?

elQuintoConyo · 01/01/2014 11:53

Just thinking about your situation makes me feel sick - why are you listening to your family's opinion?
Why does you reporting it make it worse for your friend?
Your friend not ltb makes it worse for herself.
Your own DAUGHTER was in the house when this happened??!!

Sorry, OP, many sympathies and all that - but wtf are you pissing about for? Go to the police immediately.

And have some Thanks as being beaten up by anyone is shit

AnnieLobeseder · 01/01/2014 11:53

Please call the police. Perpetuating the silence makes him think what he is doing is okay. It's not just about your friend, and while people may think you are protecting her by keeping silent, you're just allowing him to get away with abusing her and others.

Take photos of your injuries. Get them documented by a doctor if you can. And call the police. Today.

magimedi · 01/01/2014 11:54

I also think that it is really important that you call the police. His sort of behaviour almost always escalates. How will you feel if the next person he attacks is even more seriously injured?

Please, please report this - for the sake of others.