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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit freaked out by DPs behaviour..

290 replies

Meanderer · 29/12/2013 23:26

There's a cat that has been coming into our garden and even our house occasionally and frightening our two young cats. They are getting braver at hissing at him but he still dominates them and we think has sprayed scent on them. Today while I was out DP found this cat in the house so shut him in, chased him around shouting at him, then put him in a bath of cold water, all to frighten him off. He'd mentioned before that he was panning to do this and I asked him not to, because it seems really cruel and excessive and also I thought about how I'd feel if someone did that to one of ours..he's an aggressive cat yes but just doing what some cats do. My question really isn't whether he was unreasonable to do it, because I think he was and have told him so..but I'm feeling really uncomfortable that he could do this at all, even though he believes it was right to defend our young cats that way...I feel a bit creeped out by it. Am I being soft and should I be grateful on our cats behalf? I was hoping they'd just eventually be able to defend themselves.

OP posts:
YourHandInMyHand · 30/12/2013 12:49
Shock

That is sick! It's the premeditation I find the weirdest. It's not like the cat walked in and he chased it out whilst shouting, he's trapped it, ran cold water, and put the cat into it! Has he really sat plotting his revenge against a cat?

His logic is very twistic and nonsensical. The cat will have been left cold, hurt, and terrified, it may have gone out into the cold and fallen into shock. It won't however associate all that cruelty with walking into your house.

Then there is the fact he is comfortable with being so cruel and physically harsh on an animal much more smaller and vulnerable than him. Urgh!

I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone like this. Hmm

Nancy66 · 30/12/2013 12:54

Research shows that serial killers nearly always start off by displaying cruelty to animals....just sayin'

QueenQueenie · 30/12/2013 12:56

how does he treat you op? What happens if you do something to annoy him? I would be very put off anyone who behaved like this. Do you have children? As others have said there is a strong correlation between animal and child abuse.

Jengnr · 30/12/2013 12:58

*If you were locked in somewhere by someone and held down in a bath of cold water after being chased round inside and shouted at would you just be a bit miffed because you were wet? Or would you be a bit more traumatised than that?

And he will have had to have held it down. 99% of cats will fight claw and hammer to avoid water.*

Firstly, there is no evidence of any of that happening. All we know is he shouted at a cat and put it in a bath.

Put it. Not held it. There is no suggestion whatsoever that he did anything but put it in and it jumped out again pissed off and soaking.

And if you want to anthropomorphise if I walked into someones house, pissing everywhere and attacking people smaller than me and someone bigger than me dunked me in a bath, shouted at me and slung me out I don't think that's particularly excessive, no.

dandelionsRflowers · 30/12/2013 13:00

So what happens to the child who keeps pushing his children at the park or whatever, same treatment as the cat Shock

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/12/2013 13:03

Your DH is a dick.

As are a fair few others on this thread.

Jengnr · 30/12/2013 13:06

Children aren't generally allowed to run wild by irresponsible parents. Bad behaviour is dealt with differently.

Hence why the whole 'if it was you' is fucking ridiculous.

It's a wet cat that got shouted at for being somewhere it shouldn't.

FrankieStien · 30/12/2013 13:13

Your DP is a total weirdo.

WooWooOwl · 30/12/2013 13:15

is your dp aspie?

What the fuck does that have to do with it?

Whether you are aspie or not doesn't make it ok to imply that all aspies would do something like that to a cat!

I'm not aspie, I have no problem with a nasty cat being dunked in water. My ds is aspie, and he would think it was horrible.

Can we get away from this idea that everyone with Aspergers has no problem with inflicting suffering please?

marvindarvin · 30/12/2013 13:17

I would be worried about this type of behaviour in a friend, relative, neighbour, never mind a "D"P.

I don't see why he had to be quite so vicious - why not just get a water spray bottle and deal with it in a more... well, humane way?

I think your partner has a very cruel/sadistic streak.

To those of you saying it wasn't particularly cruel, I assume you've never seen a cat wide eyed in terror when they get in any water - we're not just talking about a dog jumping into a puddle type experience. My family had a cat who accidently slipped into the bath when I was a child (I was in it!) and it was absolutely petrified, didn't go near the bathroom for months afterwards, it was horrible.

To purposefully instill that level of terror in an animal (no matter what animal we're talking about) says something about a person, and it's not good.

FyreFly · 30/12/2013 13:21

It's hardly sick or vile, overreaction much??

Shouting and ducking in cold water isn't exactly torture - a couple of years ago I had taken on a friend's flock of chickens, amongst which was a large and aggressive cockerel. All the advice I'd had was to grab the bugger and dunk him in a bucket - so I did. It worked a treat; my jeans stayed intact and I no longer had to go out armed with a dustbin lid and waders.

I've always thought a dunk in cold water has been a fairly standard way of dealing with overly aggressive animals. There's no lasting harm to the animal, it's just a good shock!

persimmon · 30/12/2013 13:21

My friend, who is definitely not psychopathic, once beat an invading cat with a wooden spoon. Mind you, it had bitten the balls off her cat. Literally.
I'd be cross and shocked if DH did this to an animal but it wouldn't make me want to leave him unless it was part of a broader pattern of behaviour. Sounds to me like he was defending his 'babies' and went a bit OTT.

Caitlin17 · 30/12/2013 13:21

I'd be very unhappy with this. If anyone told me they had done this it would make me reconsider my relationship with them.

Youcanringmybell · 30/12/2013 13:22

This is a tricky one for me. I had a cat doing exactly the same for a while. I was livid and found myself chasing it out the window desperately thinking of ways to keep the thing out and away from my gentle cat. It NEVER crossed my mind to trap her and so something like that Confused

It is one thing for him to think "right, cats hate water. I will give it a bath and then it will hate coming in this house".............he ran COLD water and put it in. That is cruel. That would have been awful for the cat and totally bizarre.

However, I wouldn't split up over it. I would chat about it and explain why it is cruel and then perhaps keep an eye out for other out of proportion reactions!

marvindarvin · 30/12/2013 13:26

I think I have a better way to sum up what I think, btw.

I think my problem with what the OP's partner did is that it isn't proportional or even logical behaviour (I'm pretty sure a "normal" person would have tried one or two things first before going down the "trap it and throw it under water" route). Surely that's a last resort, to inflict that level of suffering on a cat?

Shitehawke · 30/12/2013 13:28

I can just see all these poor traumatized cats on psychiatrists couches talking about getting wet...and shouted at!!!!!! Will nobody think of the kittens!?!?

GogoGobo · 30/12/2013 13:38

It's a pretty horrible thing to do. I would think very differently about my DH if he planned a "revenge" attack on an animal. In fact, I would think he was a bit thick. In my book, these are the same sort of people who hit or shake a baby for crying.

Shitehawke · 30/12/2013 13:43

Hahaaaa....revenge attack!? Shaken babies!!! Serial killing!?!?!? Anyone would think this fucking cat was gang raped and then set on fire.

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 13:55

I agree with marvin.

Whilst I don't think the cat will have been harmed, as a piece of behaviour from the DH, it's disproportionate, and I'd worry a bit about the judgment of someone who thought that's the first and best approach.

OP - I'd get a litter tray for your cats if you don't already have one, so they don't have to go outside at night - kinder to the neighbours too.

I'd also highly recommend a cat flap that detects the cats' microchips. Really stopped the mangy Tom that was spraying everywhere near my cat.

LiberalLibertine · 30/12/2013 13:55

Are you going to tell us what 'worse' things you've done to cats shitehawke ? ( No,I don't give up)

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 13:58

The mangy Tom that got into our house woke my DS up in the middle of the night, and when he screamed the cat ran upstairs and tried to hurl itself out of our (closed) bedroom windows. I was bad enough seeing that fear, let alone wanting to cause it.

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 13:58

it's good Shitehawke is finding him/herself amusing. Got to have a hobby

GogoGobo · 30/12/2013 14:15

Gang raped? Nice Shitehawk tbh you sound a bit sociopathic.

catsmother · 30/12/2013 14:25

So, as long as someone - or something - hasn't been "gang raped or set on fire" (FFS) then we shouldn't show any concern for "lesser" cruelty ?

Jeez.

Shitehawke · 30/12/2013 14:51

Oh my, sociopaths, killing sprees, shaking babies. I'm waiting to be told I need help, and you pity my children then I've got a full house.

Cat threads certainly bring out the extremists.