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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL is talking crap?

136 replies

Danann · 28/12/2013 23:22

I've had yet another disagreement with MIL, I have tried so hard to get on with her but whatever I do is wrong and she has told DH many times that he could do better.

Anyway todays disagreement was that she wants DD(5) to go over to her house for new years eve, MIL is having a party and DD will be the only child there, neither me or DH will be there, she hasn't invited DS (because DS isn't DH's biological son) and both DC have been invited to a sleepover with 4 other children which I think DD will enjoy more. I've told MIL all this and said DD is not going to hers, she's called me a load of names and hung up.

MIL has just text me saying 'You know I've checked with a solicitor and I have rights to see my granddaughter, I will take this to court.'

I hadn't said I was completely stopping her seeing DD anyway, I'm just not letting DD go to this one party!

Grandparents don't have contact rights do they?

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 28/12/2013 23:24

No they do not....she's lying. Avoid her!

Fairylea · 28/12/2013 23:26

No they don't.

Why on earth would she want dd there when it is obviously an adult party and your dd would be the only child?! That's just odd.

bellasuewow · 28/12/2013 23:26

She sounds awful and unreasonable. I suggest you cut Your contact with her and only your dh deals with her from now on. A solicitor will be unable to help her as she is not being denied contact so she will ultimately have no case to bring against you don't worry about her nasty threats she sounds awful and I really feel for you having to deal with this.

OctopusWrangler · 28/12/2013 23:26

A friend is currently going through the court process with grandparents. It is looking likely the grandparents are going to be awarded 'access' or visitation rights and they will be able to veto my friend end her husband moving too far away too. Be careful.

Iamsparklyknickers · 28/12/2013 23:26

Bloody let her - silly woman.

In fact encourage her to piss her money up the wall and say you'll wait for correspondence from her solicitor then.

OctopusWrangler · 28/12/2013 23:27

'and her' not end her. Bad typing, sorry.

Original poster
Danann · 28/12/2013 23:27

thanks, that what I thought. Daft cow must think I'm stupid enough not to check!

OP posts:
justtoomessy · 28/12/2013 23:28

She's fucking nuts!!! Leave her to it. Not only is she nuts but she is clearly nasty leaving your DS out. What is your DH doing about this?

Stand up for yourself in a non-aggressive way.

depankrispaneven · 28/12/2013 23:28

Grandparents can apply to the courts for contact, but I must admit I'd love to see the judge's reaction if a grandmother turns up demanding a court order at short notice because she invited her grandchild round with three day's notice and DGC has another engagement.

Blu · 28/12/2013 23:28

I thought that in some divorce cases here could be some legally decreed access for grandparents, but none of this is relevant to you or her - she has access. No court in the land is going to decide that a gp has the right to determine a child's social calendar over and above the arrangements for a sleepover which he parents have agreed!

Ignore her.

Or tell your DH to tell her she needs to treat his DW and the mother of his child with more respect.

Catsmamma · 28/12/2013 23:28

Just tell her your dd is already off to the sleepover.

I'd tell her not to be so ridiculous about a NYE party and to catch herself on! Make her feel foolish!

MoreThanChristmasCrackers · 28/12/2013 23:29

What an evil cow, avoid her like the plague.
My mil is a bit like this, but not half as bad.
She wants your dd to show off, not for dds sake as she knows it will be no fun for her.
She'll have it planned to show her friends what a lovely relationship they have.
Stand firm, your kids, your decision. She has no rights, so please call her and let her know. Advise her to change her solicitor as he is obviously incompetent. That should do it. Xmas Grin

CaractacusPotts · 28/12/2013 23:30

Grandparents DO have the right to 'fight' for access in court!

However, in this case your MIL is clearly just being a daft twat and it's plain for all to see you are not denying contact.

justtoomessy · 28/12/2013 23:30

Oh and they only have rights if the Grandparents played a significant part in your childs life and you were then denying access after splitting. The grandparents have to prove they are a positive influence on your childs life x

pictish · 28/12/2013 23:30

Well I'd ignore that, and steadfastly carry on with my plans.
What a harridan!

Let your husband deal with.

Anniegetyourgun · 28/12/2013 23:31

She'll have to hurry up if she wants a court order to have DD over for this New Year!

And yes, it's crap. There are a very narrow set of circumstances in which grandparents may obtain the right to contact, but I doubt they apply to you, and they certainly wouldn't apply to something so specific as taking the child to a particular party.

Mymumsfurcoat · 28/12/2013 23:32

Unless there is a massive backstory, Octopuss is talking bollocks.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 28/12/2013 23:35

A friend is currently going through the court process with grandparents. It is looking likely the grandparents are going to be awarded 'access' or visitation rights and they will be able to veto my friend end her husband moving too far away too. Be careful

There MUST be a back story to this or you're confused. No way would they award that and allow them to 'veto' where they live.

HeartShapedBox · 28/12/2013 23:36

prior engagement or not, I'd be telling her to bolt on the basis that ds isn't welcome due to not being "blood" - old witch!

Blu · 28/12/2013 23:36

Well quite - if gps could veto people moving away how would anyone ever emigrate? Those gps must have been fulfilling a parental role with the child living with them, or something.

OP: you MIL is talking bollocks and hasn't checked with a solicitor. She is making it up.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 28/12/2013 23:38

Op have you texted back?

I'd tell her to go fuck herslef

i'd say " hi just texting to say go fuck yourself"

NigellasDealer · 28/12/2013 23:39

she doesn't have any 'rights' the poisonous old trout

mummymeister · 28/12/2013 23:39

wow she is going all out to foster a good relationship with you and your kids isn't she? I am just amazed at the things some people say to their family. do you have to have contact with her? seriously, ask yourself this question. I wouldn't let my kids within a mile of a family member who threatened court because their drama wasn't my crisis fgs. stop trying hard to get on with her. tell her that she has screwed up big time with this remark and that she now needs to apologise. don't put up with this crap. being a member of your family doesn't entitle you to behave badly.

SparkleSoiree · 28/12/2013 23:40

Blimey. My own mother is like this with one of my children.

It sounds like you had a great plan already worked out for the children that they would enjoy better and if your MIL had your daughter's interests at heart she would have replied "oh, yes, that sounds like so much more fun. We can see the children another time."

Not forgetting the fact she only requested your DD and not your DS.

Stick to your guns.

mummymeister · 28/12/2013 23:40

sorry should not have read "you" in the last sentence but "her" she is the one behaving badly, not you OP.