to think MIL is talking crap?

[Danann]

I've had yet another disagreement with MIL, I have tried so hard to get on with her but whatever I do is wrong and she has told DH many times that he could do better.

Anyway todays disagreement was that she wants DD(5) to go over to her house for new years eve, MIL is having a party and DD will be the only child there, neither me or DH will be there, she hasn't invited DS (because DS isn't DH's biological son) and both DC have been invited to a sleepover with 4 other children which I think DD will enjoy more. I've told MIL all this and said DD is not going to hers, she's called me a load of names and hung up.

MIL has just text me saying 'You know I've checked with a solicitor and I have rights to see my granddaughter, I will take this to court.'

I hadn't said I was completely stopping her seeing DD anyway, I'm just not letting DD go to this one party!

Grandparents don't have contact rights do they?

urgh what a twat, let her go to Court, can she afford a solicitor? If not, watching her represent herself sounds like fun. What a spiteful arsehole with regards to not inviting your DS.

Why would she think a young child would prefer to spend NYE with a bunch of drunk adults?

She has no rights. You haven't denied her access and she would be laughed out of a family court whilst solicitors gleefully rubbed their hands at her stupidity.

Bloody Hell. I thought my MIL was a rude interfering busy boday but I think your MIL beats her hands down.

She sounds unhinged tbh.

I agree with the other poster up thread who says in her head she will have planned this party to "show off" her grand daughter and this has royally fucked up her plans.

What does your DH say about his mothers behaviour? Is he going to pull her up on it?

Text back:

'Ok, we'll see you there then'

DoYouLike the whole thing is not mine to share. But yes, case ongoing and contact likely to be awarded. Parents distraught as there was potential for one to be promoted necessitating a long distance move. Grandparents have had sporadic contact, but have better access to funds and legal team than my friends. Utter farce, and they are devastated.

As has been said she does not have a legal right to see her gc

She does have precedent to apply to the courts for access to gc IF she can prove she has had a meaningful relationship with her gc and that ot would be detrimental to the CHILD should it cease.

Such contact would then be on a regular fixed schedule set by the courts and would most certainly not expect you to cancel plans at 3 days notice to make her available for a party.

Wouldn't even get near a court though as your not refusing all contact.

She sounds pretty toxic though maybe you should be minimising contact

octopus why would OP care if contact was awarded? From what's been said, MIL already has 'contact'..

Thanks all. DH is in bed ill so I haven't spoken to him yet, he looks like death and I don't want to wake him when the painkillers have finally kicked in.

Apparently MIL is worried coz it's the 3rd time I've said no to her having DD this month (1 clashed with a school thing and the other clashed with watching DS's choir which DD wanted her to go to- I did suggest times she could have her instead and invited MIL to all the school Christmas stuff)

Text back saying 'lol good luck with that, assuming you have found a solicitor and judge who are working over the holiday'. Completely mad. I think there have been things recently about grandparents having rights to contact with grandchildren, but that has nothing to do with forcing gcs to go to adult parties late at night on gps whims. I assume you aren't stopping her seeing the children at other times so whytf is she insisting on some time which is silly and inconvenient for everyone?

www.thefamilylawco.co.uk/grandparents/what-are-grandparents-rights/

they can apply in some circumstances if it benefits the child. I would tell her to go ahead and do it. Im sure she will have a hell of a time getting anywhere as she is leaving one child out anyway.

Who knew you could get a solicitors appointment at such short notice? grin I think her solicitor's name might be 'Google'.

May well be google, or some bloke from down the pub, but then I wouldn't put it past her to have checked long before there was actually an issue.

The others are correct.

A grandparent couldn't just apply they have to ask consent and if they obtained the courts permission then unless a significant relationship was happening with the child that was now being prevented without good reason it would not be awarded unless of course the parents agreed to it.

Octopus. Anonymise the situation then because your scaremongering with the info your giving and solely on the situation you have posted it would not be possible.

How do you think your husband will react when he finds out? Mine would blow a gasket if his mother sent me a text like that.

What a b* of a woman, not inviting your ds because he isn't her bio grandson...lovely

She sounds unhinged and quite frankly stupid if she thinks she can take court proceedings when you dissallowed her one day with your dd!

Fwiw my dc are nc with pil, and i'm now shitting a brick reading some of these posts about grandparents rights! Because my children would be unsafe around my ils

She called you names?

Is she a bit common?

Once DH grasps that it doesn't matter that DS wouldn't have gone anyway then he'll probably have a word with MIL and she'll behave for a couple of weeks til he feels guilty for shouting at her.

I have just text back 'Oh ok, have fun with that.'

I put called me names rather than repeat them because I forgot I could swear on MN. a bit common is an understatement though.

pumkinsweetie don't worry about it, it isn't as scary as it sounds and it's not common. The only grandparents who would gain access through the courts would be ones who've been significantly involved with the child for a substantial period of time where contact has been stopped for no good reason. EG loving paternal grandparents who looked after the grandchildren 3 days a week for 5 years but mother has stopped all contact just because father had an affair with the milkman.

So - she's a grown woman who swears at the mother of her grandchild when she doesn't get her own way?
Poor you.
Do not swear or call names back, but try and laugh it off and say you would be delighted for her to have your DC over, just not with such short notice when there is a pre-arranged outing.
The more you smile and are reasonable with these type of people, the less fuel they have to their fire.
Even if they are nutters.

The grandparents' rights development is a bit disturbing because while it seems designed to help gps who have been sidelined because of bitterness between divorced/split parents, it actually gives people like your MIL notions that they have rights on a larger scale than they actually do. Since as others have said you have not actually denied access, though, it seems ridiculous to think anything would come of this in court. I am quite concerned about how this might play out in other circumstances like pumpkin's, though.

Pigs that's reassuring, but that bit on the family law website linked earlier about how it is very rare for grandparents to be refused contact makes me worry a bit.

She sounds awful. Shocking that anyone including school children may be busy in December and around christmas time.

She is off her rocker!!

But OP hasn't refused contact with GPs. She's just said that the gd is busy and won't be attending an adults only party without her parents on NYE.