to think MIL is talking crap?

[Danann]

I've had yet another disagreement with MIL, I have tried so hard to get on with her but whatever I do is wrong and she has told DH many times that he could do better.

Anyway todays disagreement was that she wants DD(5) to go over to her house for new years eve, MIL is having a party and DD will be the only child there, neither me or DH will be there, she hasn't invited DS (because DS isn't DH's biological son) and both DC have been invited to a sleepover with 4 other children which I think DD will enjoy more. I've told MIL all this and said DD is not going to hers, she's called me a load of names and hung up.

MIL has just text me saying 'You know I've checked with a solicitor and I have rights to see my granddaughter, I will take this to court.'

I hadn't said I was completely stopping her seeing DD anyway, I'm just not letting DD go to this one party!

Grandparents don't have contact rights do they?

Maybe I should have said younger female's fault!

I'm yet to see a thread where a "Gran" lays the blame firmly on their son - its almost as though mothers Teflon coat their opinions of their sons.

I just helped my DM join MN, for the story comp, and am rather glad now that I didn't fob her off with gransnet!

...although there is a rather adorable OP from a lady whose DH puts so much in his pockets that they look "like saddlebags". One day's crap, measured once, totalled over 5lb.

Gransnet is also crap on a smartphone!

Sorry for the hijack, Dannan. You're doing the right thing by reacting calmly, seeking moral support, and keeping texts.

This is going to lead to an invasion of Gransnet by MNers, isn't it?

... or maybe the old will eat the young?

Whatever the outcome, it will be utterly primaeval

MNHQ runs to pull the plug on gransnet for the NYE pissup danger period...

Nasty dds and dils mature into nasty mils it's not the status, it's the personality

Dreadful story op, I second those esp talkativejim post about whether its worth having this woman in your life....

its so hard to go against the veneer of society norms....the glowing rosey grandma, and her little GC. I say veneer because its rarely the actual truth, from here on MN as TJ said, there are so many horrid situations where GP have behaved totally in appropriatly.

Perfectstorm are you actually a solicitor? Your post was re assuring about contact but does it come from a legal view point am another one very worried about grandparents rights

A grandparent can apply to the court for permission to seek a contact order. Grandparents do not have rights unless they were seeking with the support of social services to become the primary carer which clearly isn't the case here.

She might not get anything, you allow contact anyway the fact she discriminates between the 2 children which is divisive of the family dynamics will be noted.

You have not said she can't see her. You have said she can't see her at a time which is massively inconvenient and inappropriate. Any sane person would expect her to be with her mum, dad and her friends, not on her own with a bunch of adults who will be consuming alcohol of whom only one or two are known to you and her. Read the last 2 sentences again and imagine what a judge or a social worker would think. The court must consider the child's best interests

You can say to her you can come and see us (insert date that suits you) and you will come here because we have 2 children.

Oh and when I said tell her she can come at a time which suits you, only if you want to.

how did nye go for you op? anymore shit from mil?

Sorry Elf, just saw this - no, I'm not, only a law degree, but we were taught that gp have no automatic claim to a relationship and there needs to be some demonstrable way of it benefiting the kids, and that caselaw supports that. The presumption with parents is that contact does benefit children unless things are really atrocious, but with gp there needs to be a demonstrable way it actively benefits them. And in this case there's not a lot of evidence of that!

If you are concerned with your own family situation maybe post in Legal for advice and backup? There have been several others who have, and without it being a way of maintaining a link with one side of the family which is otherwise unrepresented, or with a strong prior relationship without evidence of controlling/aggressive tendencies, they seem to be really successful in arguing their cases. Judges have to apply the welfare principle (via a legislatively set out checklist) and the child's best interests is the paramount consideration - there is no adult right to contact for anyone, the right is the child's alone. And there's also something called a No Order Principle which means judges would always prefer not to make orders regulating children's lives, where possible. Run an advanced search maybe for "grandparent contact" in the legal matters section, so you can see what other people in this situation have experienced?

Apart from anything else, contact orders are notoriously hard to enforce with parents, because the penalties affect the kids as well. I can't see judges being happy to apply them to gp contact cases unless there is a real reason it benefits the child for contact to happen.

nye was good thanks, I had a quiet night in and caught up on some uni work without kids bugging me. As far as I can work out the DC did some cooking, ate their own bodyweight in homemade pizza, biscuits and cakes, sat up to see the new year in with a glass of 'wine' each (cherryade in a wine glass) then went to bed and told each other stories by torchlight whilst eating sweets all in all sounds like they had a great night.

Not heard anything from MIL but she did drunk call DH at 5am to tell him that he's her baby and she loves him so I think its safe to assume she spent the day dying of a hangover.