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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let her spend it all??

170 replies

macdoodle · 28/12/2013 19:33

My DD2 is 6 today. She has had loads of xmas and birthday presents. Money mainly from an elderly grandfather unable to shop, and has in total from both xmas and birthday, £150.
She wants to buy specifically, a Build-a-Bear (she didnt get one for xmas, has DD1's old ones, and her half sister got one), she wants a Frozen doll from the disney shop (likewise half sister got one), and bizarrely she wants "furry crocs" (the shoes, she loves her summer crocs).
We are going to go into town next week so she can spend her money.
AIBU to let her spend it all??

OP posts:
cjel · 31/12/2013 21:12

I suggest you re read your own threads. They are full of 'without fail....every single child I want......

If I want to but them driving lessons..help with uni costs... Blah blah. We are talking about a 6 year olds £150 quid you made it so pompous.

It you want to go one up I will but you are making yourself sound silly now.

HermioneWeasley · 31/12/2013 21:27

The idea that you would let the 6 year old choose, or that they have the capability to make the best choice baffles me.

I wouldn't let my 6 year old choose whether or not to go to school, what to eat, whether or not to tidy their room etc. 6 year olds have parents for a reason - they need to be guided about good decisions.

I clearly live on a different (debt free) planet which is inhabited only by a couple of other posters.

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/12/2013 21:39

It you want to go one up I will

What on earth does that even mean?

We are talking about children being given gifts, I've said nothing other than if I want to give a child a gift I will and that I feel giving them a gift and funding something for their future are different things I may wish to do one but not the other. Not very different to several other posters on this thread.

How on earth is it pompous to think that the intentions of the gift giver should be considered and that children's money is their own.

cjel · 31/12/2013 21:47

You are not buying children gifts if you are paying for driving lessons or uni. They would have to be at least 17. It is pompous to raise the gift from a stuffed bear to a uni degree!!!! again you spectacularly miss the point.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 31/12/2013 22:00

Well those three things won't come to £150...... Let her buy them but do some online price comparisons for the boots and doll then save the rest.

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/12/2013 22:07

So you didn't get the connection between some posters talking about saving towards their future for things like uni/driving lessons/expensive items and me saying that if I wanted to contribute towards something like that I would like to know I was doing it,so I could choose to do it or not?

To make it perfectly clear. I would prefer not to gift cash to a young child who was being madeto save for something along those lines. I would send them a toy/book/game/outfit something that the child actually wanted instead because I think that's pretty much the entire point of a gift for a young child.

BackforGood · 01/01/2014 14:10

But sock you seem to be missing the point that a lot of dc really appreciate the fact that their parents guided them at an age when they had no concept of the value of money, and that they have a little nest egg when the things they need/want cost a lot more than they can earn/save from pocket money.
At Christmas my dc always had plenty to unwrap /play with/use, but those £20 notes that came from great grandparents and grandparents were put by and are now being VERY much appreciated as a driving lesson costs £22 here and my ds can earn £3.82 for an hour in his part time job. He confirms he's very glad he had parents with the sense to help him save, and Grandparents that were prepared to have some money put by rather that immediate gratification of an extra toy on the pile?

HermioneWeasley · 01/01/2014 16:01
ImperialBlether · 01/01/2014 18:57

Hey, I'm on that planet too, you know!

HermioneWeasley · 01/01/2014 19:49

Sorry Imperial - hellooooo!

shewhowines · 01/01/2014 19:55

Tbh I don't think it really matters if you let them spend or save it. What is more important is the discussion around it, general attitudes to money and leading by example.

I think it is their money to do as they please with, but I would discuss the options and consequences. I'm not on your planet but we are debt free and are teaching our children the value if saving money. We are just choosing to do it a different way.

Original poster
macdoodle · 01/01/2014 20:07

Well hello all, and what an interesting discussion Smile
Some will be pelased to hear what we did and some not!
In fact we ended up with £200 after some late birthday money.
We have has 2 lovely trips, one after the panto and one today with hot choc and cake.
She bought 2 Frozen Dolls in Disney at £20 each, and a pair of furry crocs with lots of those little clip things to go on £40 total. She had a ball and charmed the staff in the croc shop Smile.
And today I let her go mad in Build-a-Bear, am tired of saying no/one only/choose/pick etc etc, and let her spend HER money as she wished. She bought a bear and ALL the extras - outfit/coat/bag/brush etc - I thought her face would split from smiling - £60.
And then I was naughty, what she really wanted was the singing Ana doll from Frozen, they didnt have any in store, so I've ordered it for her - £30 with delivery.
£170 spend and a very very happy girl who knows and appreciates how lucky she is. £30 left to save.
And I dont get what all the gloom savers say. In my job, I see little girls die of brain tumours and young mothers of breast cancer, I want to see her happy and smiling now, not save for a future that may not be there.

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 01/01/2014 20:09

I don't care is what I meant, I get it completely, but life is for the living. COI I am lucky enough though that I will be able to help/pay for driving lessons/school trips/uni, and appreciate that not all are able to.

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 01/01/2014 20:21

Bless her I bet she will remember that for a long time !

It's really down to what you can afford, if you can afford it then treat her

Children play with these things everyday and won't get new toys for ages, I bet £150-200 can be spent very easily by an adult on totally useless tat, hair products, clothes and coffee very quickly

stopprocrastinating · 01/01/2014 22:11

I wouldn't let her fritter it.

My mum never let us fritter grandparents money, she installed in us a savings culture. Grandparents money always went into our savings, and our parents covered treats. When I was made redundant, my savings kept me afloat. It also helped buy my first car.

IneedAsockamnesty · 02/01/2014 01:24

Backfor,

I'm not missing the point at all,I have repeatedly said I think saving is a good thing and children should be educated and guided about it.

Of course its nice to have driving lessons(or just savings) and things like that.i just think the gift giver should be aware that that is what is being done, if a parent of a child I would normally buy a toy for told me that the child had expressed a desire to save towards xyz I would more than likely give them more money towards the savings just because I admire that.

I just wouldn't if the child was either not aware or was made to do so or wanted a furby I wanted to buy them a furby they thought they were getting a furby (obviously just using that as an example) parents had no anti furby feelings but decided the child couldn't have one because in 11 years they may need driving lessons.

I feel that when it comes to other people's money (inc children's) you should be open and honest with all involved.

WhatNow2013 · 02/01/2014 03:23

She will remember those trips forever. I will always remember my shopping trip to buy a new birthday outfit when I was 11. I've never once thought 'if only I'd saved that money', not even when I was nearly £30k in debt!

The fact I knew I'd done the best by my gift givers, and the experience of special shopping with mum, those were priceless.

bragmatic · 02/01/2014 03:26

Sounds like a good outcome OP. that amount of money on a few things sounds fine and I'd probably do that with my kids. 170 quid on 170 bits of plastic costing a pound each is a different story!

MsAspreyDiamonds · 02/01/2014 03:28

I would get her to choose between the bear and the doll and then bank the rest.

I had a look the balance of my ds's savings account and I am so glad that I didn't twitch and buy him loads of toys last month. He is 4 & has a few grand saved up through a combination of cb & gift money. My parents didn't save up anything for me as a child so I didn't get a lump sum when I turned 18 like my friends did. It would have made a difference between value baked beans and own brand baked beans as a student.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 02/01/2014 03:32

Posted too soon
But I totally understand why you let her spend the money and she will remember these trips for ever.

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