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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let her spend it all??

170 replies

macdoodle · 28/12/2013 19:33

My DD2 is 6 today. She has had loads of xmas and birthday presents. Money mainly from an elderly grandfather unable to shop, and has in total from both xmas and birthday, £150.
She wants to buy specifically, a Build-a-Bear (she didnt get one for xmas, has DD1's old ones, and her half sister got one), she wants a Frozen doll from the disney shop (likewise half sister got one), and bizarrely she wants "furry crocs" (the shoes, she loves her summer crocs).
We are going to go into town next week so she can spend her money.
AIBU to let her spend it all??

OP posts:
NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 16:37

I also think if children have nice things and experience generosity it helps them to want to work for them in the future and helps them to grow in to generous people. I have had to teach DH about the joy of giving and his sisters have never grown out of meanness curmudgeonliness.

NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 16:39

And this Christmas MIL has given dd a pair of socks for Christmas and DS got a hat. Admittedly she has given DH a cheque for three year's university fees for DS but where's the joy and the uplifting of the soul and sharing of happiness. DH remembers being hungry.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 16:41

Small children have absolutely no concept of the value of money. That's why they need their parents to guide them, IMO

Not quite true, small children who are old enough to understand how to use money but never get to or never get to see what its gets you in shops or that once you've spent it its gone,have no concept of the value of money.

NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 16:42

Agrees with Sock's last comment.

themaltesefalcon · 29/12/2013 16:44

I don't think OP should confiscate the kid's money at all. The donor clearly intended for the child to spend it on pleasurable things and therefore the OP should, guilt-free, help her child to do that.

That said, the OP made a point of saying that 2/3 of the desired items were things that the kid's half-sister had just received. And encouraging that sort of thing isn't going to do the kid any favours, in my view.

I didn't say the OP should take the money away! I hate it when parents casually steal from their children. One of my acquaintances quite openly spent her toddler's birthday money on herself. Shock But I digress...

delusionindex · 29/12/2013 16:48

I also think if children have nice things and experience generosity it helps them to want to work for them in the future

Yet one can look on many internet forums and see story after story of late teenagers/20 somethings who have been similarly indulged and have a massive sense of entitlement such that they expect to sponge off their family pretty much permanently, and have no intention of working when they're used to getting stuff without having to earn it themselves.

Some of the justifications for spending all the money on here strike me as extremely dubious "spending it all will help her learn to manage money", "the only way to understand how to manage money is to make mistakes" etc. Maybe these have worked for some individuals, but to make them out to be hard and fast rules that apply across the board is not correct.

NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 16:52

I think it depends how it is given. I know my dd who is 15 now constantly asks if I can afford x when I offer to buy her something when she has no need to. My ds wants more but doesn't get it and it has been drilled into him that ultimately he works or he will go without. We have not let them grow up with an easy come, easy go mentality. DD is more cautious with money; DS certainly does not get all he asks for.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 16:56

Yet one can look on many internet forums and see story after story of late teenagers/20 somethings who have been similarly indulged and have a massive sense of entitlement such that they expect to sponge off their family pretty much permanently, and have no intention of working when they're used to getting stuff without having to earn it themselves

Well I've never seen a post like that,that started with the line "when they were little we let them spend their gift money"

cjel · 29/12/2013 16:58

OK, Socks so at what age to young people magically learn to recognise that the money they have will only go so far? did you ds suddenly get to 15 before you guided?

Spending it all and being broke doesn't guide anything. Guiding is suggesting that they can have all the lovely things they want today and what is left can be put somewhere safe for a time when they want something else.

I have never suggested that OP has her dds money.

quirrelquarrel · 29/12/2013 17:00

I used to get that kind of money at around 10 or so. My parents let me spend £30 and made me put the rest in the bank. Which I thought was horribly unfair but later on I def liked being able to withdraw great chunks of cash from my savings account for going out when I couldn't get a Saturday job.

revivingsnowshower · 29/12/2013 17:47

I agree with those who said that the people who gave the money would want your dd to choose her own present rather than save most of the money, but partly depends how much money you have in your own family op. If you are quite badly off then if she spends it all in one go that means no spending money if she thinks of something she wants or needs.

I don't agree she should have to save it all and her choices are good. But does spending it all now mean no more spending money or outings for months? If so it might be better to choose cheaper items and split it over several outings. If your family is well off enough to give spending money and outings fairly often, i think id rather she chose 3 nice things she will enjoy, than lots of smaller bit of clutter she might not like as much.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 19:28

OK, Socks so at what age to young people magically learn to recognise that the money they have will only go so far? did you ds suddenly get to 15 before you guided?

Are you always this obtuse?

most children of any age (once they get past the trying to eat it stage) can be taught how to use money and what happens when you use it. Its an ongoing life lesson that usually occurs during normal shopping trips.

If you think the only way to teach this lesson is by enforced saving then that's your choice.

Snog · 29/12/2013 19:33

If the cash comes from her grandpa why not ask him how he would like her to spend it?

Snog · 29/12/2013 19:38

Nearthewindmill do I understand correctly that your MIL just gave your ds £27k and a pair of socks and you are dissing her?!!

cjel · 29/12/2013 19:49

Every time I suggested not spending all the money in one go you came back with weird comments about these children of any age. I am not obtuse as you will see from post elsewhere but you have been really saying things in your posts that I haven't even intimated.
Even this last post you say 'enforced saving' I have never said anything about enforcing only educating - you are the obtuse one who is reading 'encouraging and teaching' for 'enforced'
Also wonder why you think saving is a bad thing to encourage a child, Not all of this money but just what is left over after she has bought what she wants.

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2013 20:13

I'm reeling from that, too, Snog!

delusionindex · 29/12/2013 20:16

Sockreturningpixie, you have some nerve accusing people here of being obtuse considering your daft reply to my last post.

NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 20:51

No, I'm not trying to diss her but we don't need the money and in 19 years she has never actually bought thE children a present and wrapped it and taken joy from giving. This is about the tax man, not about giving. I would rather she enjoyed herself than stashed it in the bank. What is life if there's no fun or pleasure in it?

Oldraver · 29/12/2013 20:54

Does she want actual Crocs ? as Aldi have some furry copies

WreckTangle · 29/12/2013 21:02

My 6 year old dd received £80 in cash gifts this year. I sat with her for ages discussing how she was going to spend it. It's not my money, it was given to her as a gift, the people who were so kind to give it didn't really know what to buy or duplicate anything so they wanted her to buy something she would like.

All this crap about putting it in savings? Why? If they had bought a present instead then she would have a gift equivalent.

My dd chose headphones because I'm always moaning her DS is too loud , a onesie and portable DVD player. She has a tenner left which she wanted to put in her piggy bank.

cjel · 29/12/2013 21:10

Oh No WRECK, why did she put it into savings? She should have spent it all!!!Smile

Original poster
macdoodle · 29/12/2013 22:11

Gosh, I didnt realise this was still going on Shock
Its her money and I have no intention of taking it off her. But wont let her fritter it away!
We are going to the panto tomorrow and I have promised one shop (probably Disney) afterwards. We will go in later in the week for Build a Bear and shoes (she is very fussy with shoes, so may end up not getting them).
Anything left she will keep in her money box for later in the year.
Grampy definitely gave it to spend.
She is very excited :) And while we are comfortable, they are not spoilt, so it will be lovely for her to buy what she wants!

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 30/12/2013 00:22

cjel

Sorry I was off doing stuff.

Are we involved in The same conversation? I've made one comment about children of any age and that was in answer to your question.

I have nothing against children choosing to save,nothing at all,saving is a good thing what I do have a problem with is them being made to save money when the giver intended it to be used how the child wished or being made to save to pay for something that the parents should be funding themselves hence my use of the words enforced saving.

I am talking about my views on enforced saving, you have chosen to single out my comments and take them personally whilst assuming I was criticising your thoughts on educating children about money I am not.

I agree with you,educating children about money is a good thing but what educating them has to do with not giving them a say and making them save I don't know. But given that you haven't said that why jump on me for criticising those who have?

volestair · 30/12/2013 01:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giggly · 30/12/2013 14:22

I just paid £19 for a bear and £7 for an outfit in Build a bear.Smile