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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let her spend it all??

170 replies

macdoodle · 28/12/2013 19:33

My DD2 is 6 today. She has had loads of xmas and birthday presents. Money mainly from an elderly grandfather unable to shop, and has in total from both xmas and birthday, £150.
She wants to buy specifically, a Build-a-Bear (she didnt get one for xmas, has DD1's old ones, and her half sister got one), she wants a Frozen doll from the disney shop (likewise half sister got one), and bizarrely she wants "furry crocs" (the shoes, she loves her summer crocs).
We are going to go into town next week so she can spend her money.
AIBU to let her spend it all??

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 30/12/2013 14:36

Fuck me, let a 6 year old blow £150!

No wonder this country has a savings crisis.

I was made to save half my birthday/Xmas money and my earnings. I bought my first house with the savings. (Long time ago!)

You are never too young to learn about saving and budgeting.

SueDoku · 30/12/2013 15:15

Well said HermioneWeasley - children need to learn from an early age that if you get money as presents, some needs to be saved. How are they supposed to manage a budget when they are adults if they've just always spent every penny on 'stuff' that takes their fancy..?

From the sound of it, she can get everything that she wants for £100 - and the other £50 can go into her savings account.

VerySmallSqueak · 30/12/2013 18:46

I'm taking my DD's out tomorrow to spend their Christmas money.

It's nowhere near £150,but I am still anticipating that they will spend it on the biggest amount of shite imaginable.

Thing is,it's shite to me, but not to them.What I spend my money on is shite to them.And what DH spends his money on is shite to all of us....

It is their money.
I would hate the feeling of powerlessness if I had someone telling me what I spent my gift money on if I had any.

If someone is lovely enough to give me money as a gift there is no way I would save any.I would spend it on something I would otherwise not justify.

I would not expect my children to do differently.

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 30/12/2013 21:56

AFAIK

crocs £40
build a bear & outfit £30
doll £20

So £90 in total, leaving £60 to go in saving account.

I don't see why not myself, but I agree with some posters that have previously mentioned her wanting stuff because her sister has it. May be worth having a week or two cooling off period before going shopping just to be sure that's what she really wants.

Our usual rule of thumb is that cheques go in DD's account and she can spend any cash she receives.

highho1 · 30/12/2013 21:59

Would she have money left after buying those items? If so I would say let her have what she wants.

Bogeyface · 30/12/2013 22:01

I would spend it on something I would otherwise not justify.

THIS

How on earth is "jam tomorrow", or more accurately, jam in 20 years, any kind of gift to a child? My sister gave my DD £20 to get her own gift with as DD knew what she wanted and DSis didnt want to get it wrong. Dsis would have been fuming if I had made DD save it and DD would have been really upset.

A gift of money is in lieu of a wrapped up present, it is to be spent on something not taken away by a parent and saved for some dim and distant future so that the parent will save on contributing to uni costs!

delusionindex · 31/12/2013 15:51

How on earth is "jam tomorrow", or more accurately, jam in 20 years, any kind of gift to a child

I'm not easily shocked but I actually find this attitude quite shocking! I can only surmise that people with this perspective define "gift" in a very narrow, here and now happy smile on the face way. To me a better future (and god knows the young need all the help with it they can get nowadays) is an infinitely more valuable gift to a child than some Chinese manufactured tat that they'll be bored with in a couple of weeks time. I suppose that if the giver is more concerned with the enjoyment they themselves can extract from the recipients reaction than the actual benefit to the recipient, than it can be hard to view savings for the future as a gift.

ImperialBlether · 31/12/2013 16:12

Me too, delusionindex. Me too.

needaholidaynow · 31/12/2013 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/12/2013 16:49

To me a better future (and god knows the young need all the help with it they can get nowadays) is an infinitely more valuable gift to a child

Its your job to provide that, not your aunts/sister/next door neighbour

delusionindex · 31/12/2013 16:58

I agree Sockreturningpixie, and it would be wrong for a parent to use the gifted money in place of any parental support the child would otherwise have received.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2013 17:11

I would start early with the "spend some, save some" message. It is a value that will last all her life.

Enjoy the shopping with her, whatever you decide to do!

cjel · 31/12/2013 17:17

Parents should not be thought of as the only source of income for a child,

marmitecat · 31/12/2013 17:39

I think I live on a different planet. The most any of my kids have ever had in spending money is about 20 quid.
There is no way on earth I would allow a 6 year old to take 150 quid on a shopping spree. But then I do live on a different planet :)

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/12/2013 17:40

Without fail every single child I wish to save towards the future for has had money put aside for them by me.

If I want to buy them driving lessons or help with uni costs then I will,if I don't I won't equally as such if I want to buy them swimming/dance/riding lessons then I will.

If I wanted to buy them a gift or for them to choose a gift they would like on me,if there parent was not going to allow them to then I would expect them to be honest with me and tell me this,that way I can make a decision to contribute or not.

inkyfingers · 31/12/2013 17:48

She's only young. Keep some of it back for things she'll be asking for later in the year. Xmas and birthday so close mean she has a whole year. She doesn't need to know and doesn't need to keep a lot back. I did this with DC with November birthday and worked well.

XmasAngel13 · 31/12/2013 17:59

I read this as lovely Grampy has given beloved granddaughter money so she can have a special gift for her birthday and he wants her to have something wonderful and just what she wants. I dont think anyone would have moaned if Grampy had gone to shops and bought said items and handed them over .

Lucky granddaughter and very lovely Grampy. Enjoy the moment and the memories.

My DS had £20 Toys R Us voucher given to him in Nov for his birthday from our neighbours. He had lots of birthday and xmas gifts as only grandchild and little person amongst us all. When I asked him what he would like to do after xmas he asked if I could take him to Toys R Us so he could spend his gift voucher . For him the excitement of choosing. We took him earlier this week .... It is my idea of hell ( I didmost of present shopping on line). He took ages looking round , testing things out, thinking about it. In the end he chose an iron man figure that does stuff ! - and has £5 left on card ..... He really enjoyed choosing and his little face was a picture. Iron man is well loved already along with all the other stuff that he has been really lucky to receive.
We talk to him about saving , are teaching him about what things cost etc and he sees us doing this in life. Gifts should not come with strings attached.

VerySmallSqueak · 31/12/2013 18:09

So,my kids had a fantastic time today spending every single penny of their Christmas money.
This thread made me get the jitters halfway through though since I hadn't actually discussed the plan with DH,and I suddenly wondered if he had got other plans for the money.
But when I got home,he was also quite adamant that it was their money and theirs to do as they liked with (after he picked his jaw up off the floor at the cost of the walking puppy toy..... Grin ).

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/12/2013 18:20

I rather like iron man, did he choose the one where the circle thing glows?

cjel · 31/12/2013 18:55

Socks - not all are in position to have all that spare cash as you have sounds a bit like you are boasting.I hope you do always have it so you can shower it on all the poor less fortunate dcs in your life.

If the money is really for the child to do what they want with what would you do if saving and spending later was explained to them and they chose that, Would you consider the adults had wrongly co erced them and deny them your gift next time because it didn't go where you want?

Bogeyface · 31/12/2013 19:50

I am not saying children shouldnt be taught to save. What I am saying is that a parent does not have the right to take money given to a child to buy a gift with, and enforce saving it. That was not the spirit that the money was given in, and it isnt the parents money to make that decision!

When I was a kid we did jobs that we got paid for. Half in our hands, half in the bank. That was fine. Our birthday/Xmas money (never more than £30 total) was ours to do what we chose with it. I usually spaffed mine on crap, Dsis usually saved hers. These days she is more profligate than me and has debts where I dont, go figure!

Bogeyface · 31/12/2013 19:53

If the money is really for the child to do what they want with what would you do if saving and spending later was explained to them and they chose that

I wouldnt. If one of them wants something expensive that is beyond my pocket (so most things!) I will show them that if they save up their birthday/Xmas money so they can buy it. If they choose not to, up to them. If they choose to save it, up to them. If they choose to save it so they can rent a penthouse apartment at Uni, up to them!

It is the idea that a parent has the right to remove a gift of money and put it where the child has no access to it "for their future", that I have a problem with. It isnt your money, it isnt your choice.

Bogeyface · 31/12/2013 19:54

I wouldnt have a problem with that, that should say!

fuzzpig · 31/12/2013 20:41

I have been pondering this since reading it earlier.

On one hand it's an eye watering amount for a 6yo to be spending herself - depends on what your general financial circumstances are though.

We do get some money for DCs at Xmas/birthdays from a few relatives who hate choosing presents - but that is usually given specifically for us to choose something to give to them IYSWIM - so we will choose something and label it as from whomever gave the money. Only once has my 6yo been directly given money for her to spend.

But in this case, it's been given specifically to her, so I wouldn't feel right taking it off her. I do want to encourage saving though - and hope to do this a bit when we start pocket money.

I think with £150, as she's got specific ideas, I'd suggest buying those three things, but then suggest she put the rest away for later in case she wants something during the next year. That way it's not actually taking the money away but she will learn from it - either she waits and gets something later, or she fritters it now on less sought-after stuff, and then if in a few months she falls in love with something but no longer has the money, you can say Oh well, pity you didn't save your birthday money, never mind, maybe next time you get some money you can buy it" :)

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/12/2013 21:00

Socks - not all are in position to have all that spare cash as you have sounds a bit like you are boasting.I hope you do always have it so you can shower it on all the poor less fortunate dcs in your life

Would you say that to everybody who wished to give a gift to a child?

How on earth is it boasting to say what I said,you thinking it was says rather more about you than it does about me.goading is unbecoming,you appear to have a bit of a problem with actually understanding the words people use,twice now you've twisted something I've said.

If the money is really for the child to do what they want with what would you do if saving and spending later was explained to them and they chose that, Would you consider the adults had wrongly co erced them and deny them your gift next time because it didn't go where you want

Not at all,as I have repeatedly said I have no issues with saving,saving is a good thing,if saving would give the child as much pleasure as a painting set or a pair of crocs now would then I take my hat off to that child,if I happened to especially care about the child and knew what they were saving towards I would be more likely to try and place them in a position where they could get the item sooner if appropriate to do so.