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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let her spend it all??

170 replies

macdoodle · 28/12/2013 19:33

My DD2 is 6 today. She has had loads of xmas and birthday presents. Money mainly from an elderly grandfather unable to shop, and has in total from both xmas and birthday, £150.
She wants to buy specifically, a Build-a-Bear (she didnt get one for xmas, has DD1's old ones, and her half sister got one), she wants a Frozen doll from the disney shop (likewise half sister got one), and bizarrely she wants "furry crocs" (the shoes, she loves her summer crocs).
We are going to go into town next week so she can spend her money.
AIBU to let her spend it all??

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 28/12/2013 22:23

I agree with worra - if she just wanted to fritter it on crap then I was ask her to think about it for longer, or put some aside.

As they are specific things she wants then I would let her. Any money left can go in her money box.

Ds has been doing this since he started school. At 7/8 he had saved enough to buy his own xbox & kinnect - friends and family gave him money for xmas and birthdays knowing he was saving. And he saved every penny of pocket money and anything else he was given. He is very good with money - will be interested to see if toddler dd turns out the same.

I think if you take all the money off kids as soon as they get it, they never learn to manage it. Better to make some mistakes as a child than to have to make them all as an adult.

foslady · 28/12/2013 22:24

Would Nan have bought those things? From what you've said I think she would - go and buy what Nan would have done for her and have a lovely time in her memory

Greythorne · 29/12/2013 12:10

I love threads like this which remind me not to take much of the advice on MN seriously. So often I find myself at odds with the consensus and questioning myself. Then I read a thread like this and see that I am at odds with the consensus and happy to be.

A 6 year old choosing £150 worth of gifts for herself in one go?

I think that is indulgent and ridiculous but I see I am in the minority!

I wouldn't put it all in a savings account but I would explain to my DD that she should put some away long term, save some in her money box for when she wants to buy things on holiday / over e next few weeks and let her choose one item from her toy wish list.

I can't understand why you would want to give her the message that you can get everything you want right now,

All the research suggests that it's not the cleverest children who do well in life but those who are able to defer gratification. Perfect opportunity to teach this here.

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2013 12:16

Greythorne, I've just been reading another thread where people are saying £150 is two weeks' groceries for a family of four or five people, yet on here, so many are prepared to hand it over to a six year old to spend on whatever she wants!

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2013 12:16

And yes, deferred gratification is one of the most important things to teach a child.

NoComet · 29/12/2013 12:21

All three of those things sound like things she'll love and use.

I wear crocs as slippers (with warm socks) furry ones sound great.

At six, she's only asking to buy the sort of things she'd save towards if she didn't have all the money at once.

NoComet · 29/12/2013 12:30

You can't teach saving for savings sake, to a six year old.

You can't have furry crocs in winter, or a frozen doll when the film is currant, because you have to 'save'.

"Save for what? Why? You're talking rubbish Mummy and being mean"

Explaining to her that if she buys sweets, comics and pound shop tat, she won't be able to afford something large she really wants is one thing.

Trying to stop her buying something sensible she can afford for some future 'thing' she has no knowledge of is pointless.

The time will come when she really wants clothes for the bear or a top for herself and you can explain she needs to add three weeks pocket money to her gift card from granny. Until then saving is too abstract.

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2013 12:50

But everyone does that, Starball!

When your child opens her Easter egg, don't you say, "Save some for tomorrow" or do you let her just eat the lot in one go?

What's wrong with saying, "Let's save some of that so that when you go on holiday in the summer you can have X, Y and Z"?

namechange74 · 29/12/2013 12:54

Same dilema here OP - DD (8) got £100 from her uncle who is in hospital. Having considered the options, i have said she can have £50 to spend and the remaining £50 is going in her savings account. I have (evil mother) also asked her to consider what she wants to spend the money on so she doesn't fritter it away on junk....

delusionindex · 29/12/2013 14:12

"You can't teach saving for savings sake, to a six year old."

Not sure what you're trying to say exactly, but you can very much instill an attitude to money in a 6 year old by this sequence of events "you've come into a large amount of money, let's go out tomorrow and spend it all". I don't think anyone is suggesting lecturing a young child on the ins and outs of money management but just avoiding setting them up with an attitude to money that might haunt them later on.

WooWooOwl · 29/12/2013 14:17

I'd let her spend it because she knows what she wants.

If she had been asked what she wanted by various people and had replied with the bear, the dog and the shoes then you wouldn't mind her having them, and you wouldn't be telling her she should sell them to put the money into savings. This is no different.

If she was out shopping and wanted to spend the money on something that you felt would be a waste, or that she would be bored with in five minutes, then it would be right of you to prevent her from making a silly choice. But if she's clear what she wants and she will get enjoyment out of her chosen gifts, then there's not really any good reason to stop her.

TeacupDrama · 29/12/2013 14:36

I think it depends on intention of the giver, if the £100 was for presents i think the grandpa expects the OP and her DD to go to shops and choose presents , her granny would have spent the money on gifts, in this case the money is intended for presents, her granny may well have bought her these specific things

I think a 6 year old can be taught to save not spend all money, the gifts the DD has chosen will not cost £150, I think it is in order for OP to ask DD if she wishes to keep some money till the summer for summer toys,

if someone gives my DD £2 for sweeties or a comic, we go and choose a small treat, i do not think I can just put that £2 in my purse or in her savings account, my DD has a december birthday, my mum gave her some money but specifically said I can keep it to buy her some toys in the summer, it is intended for presents not her savings account

cjel · 29/12/2013 14:51

I think I would want to encourage her to save some of it. I think she could have a good spend and still have plenty to save for another time in the year when she doesn't have a huge income, but may still want other stuff.

kelda · 29/12/2013 14:54

I would compromise, putting half into her savings account, and the other half she can spend - which would probably cover the three things she wants anyway.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 15:10

I've just been reading another thread where people are saying £150 is two weeks' groceries for a family of four or five people, yet on here, so many are prepared to hand it over to a six year old to spend on whatever she wants!

Well it belongs to the 6 year old. Its hers. If you have done a good enough job she will make a good choice as to what to do with it.

People who send cash and vouchers tend to do so because they would struggle to get a toy to you or to get to the shops.

Saving for your child's future is your job not theirs.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 15:15

It's hers to spend. It isn't money for a windfall NFK the girl is six years old.

cjel · 29/12/2013 15:23

It may well be the 6 year olds, but surely parents should have a say in encouraging its wise use? If she was given 6 boxes of chocolates would she be eating them all in one go 'because they were hers' or would OP make a judgement on how would be best for her to eat them?

HappyMummyOfOne · 29/12/2013 15:29

"saving for your child's future is your job not theirs"

Well said Sock.

The money was in lieu of a christmas gift and given to the DD. Cant imagine asking what a child had spent their christmas money on and being told "mum took it off me and I can have it back when i'm eighteen" The amount should have no bearing on it, its the DD's to do as she wants.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 15:30

Eating six boxes of chocolates would make her sick. There's a big difference between that and a little girl being given some money, and her knowing exactly what she wants to spend it on.

The girl has clear ideas of what she wants, she isn't just spending willy nilly, she knows what she wants.

If she didn't and was just buying for the sake of it, I'd say 'shall we save some for if you want something in the future'.

But the items she's set her heart on will probably be about £150.

Crowler · 29/12/2013 15:31

I think 150 is a crazy amount of money for a 6 year old. I'd break it into 3x50 and let her have 3 shopping excursions over the next few months.

BackforGood · 29/12/2013 15:32

I usually had Christmas and Birthday money off my dcs when they were little, and put it into savings accounts for them. If there was something they particularly wanted, and thought about it for a while, and decided they wanted it really, and it wasn't just a whim because they'd seen a cousin or sibling or friend with one then they could take the money out and spend it. 9 times out of 10 it stayed in the account.
My ds is REALLY, REALLY pleased I did this for him, as he's now using it for driving lessons. He appreciates that he would have spent it on stuff he didn't really need - having just had Christmas presents from other people - but that is it so valuable to him now, he's just so happy this money is there waiting for him. The other 2 will have enough for their driving lessons too (or whatever they need it for as they get older).

So, if I had a 6 yr old again, I'd do exactly the same - encourage them to save it, maybe compromising by letting them spend a bit, and saving the rest.

cjel · 29/12/2013 15:32

whethershe will be sick or not is not the point. The point is that as parents we guide our dcs decisions every day and I was wondering where the people who are saying but its the girls money and dm has no right to it are free ranging or guiding their dcs?

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 15:37

You arent guiding the decision, you'd be taking away her money for no reason except this 'to save' business. At 6 she has nothing to save for. She knows what she wants. Parents should be doing the saving not a child.

themaltesefalcon · 29/12/2013 15:40

In those circs (the donor clearly desiring that she spend the money on toys), I'd let her buy the stuff, but as others have suggested not all at once. Let her buy one thing in a week or a fortnight's time, then wait a bit.

I don't think the "SHE has one, therefore I must have one too, immediately!" is a good thing to encourage, either.

giggly · 29/12/2013 15:41

op, I read this and the responses and couldn't help but laugh at some of them. In total the 3 presents, because that's what they are, will come to about £70 so looks like both sides of the should she shouldn't she camp can rest easy.

Have a lovely day with dd.

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