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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let her spend it all??

170 replies

macdoodle · 28/12/2013 19:33

My DD2 is 6 today. She has had loads of xmas and birthday presents. Money mainly from an elderly grandfather unable to shop, and has in total from both xmas and birthday, £150.
She wants to buy specifically, a Build-a-Bear (she didnt get one for xmas, has DD1's old ones, and her half sister got one), she wants a Frozen doll from the disney shop (likewise half sister got one), and bizarrely she wants "furry crocs" (the shoes, she loves her summer crocs).
We are going to go into town next week so she can spend her money.
AIBU to let her spend it all??

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 15:42

A build a bear will be about £40 so the £70 isn't a correct estimate giggle

cjel · 29/12/2013 15:43

I am guiding the decision.I wouldn't ake her money just making sure that she had a lovely time spending now but also had some left to spend later in the year or even for her future, Not all parents are in a position to have spare cash to save for dcs. Teaching responsibility with money at 6 will ppossibly save years of Wonga.com loans in the future. £150 is such a lot she can have an amazing spend without even missing the savings.

diddl · 29/12/2013 15:49

I'd have to put some away.

It (to me) is just too much to spend it all for the sake of it.

How much would the doll & bear be?

I'd be tempted to buy the Crocs myself if she'll use them & hasn't already loads of footwear!

NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 15:51

Fur lined clogs £29.99, Frozen Doll: £19.99, Build a Bear £40 - £50. That's £50 left over for saving or perhaps for something for the summer - perhaps some sensible sandals and a pretty dress that she would probably have anyway. Alternatively you could have lunch out on the your shopping trip to raise a glass/milkshake to Grandma (you could even invite Grandad) and a trip to the cinema (Frozen) later in the holidays.

Sounds good and not wasteful to me.

kelda · 29/12/2013 15:52

diddl - to me as well, I would pay for shoes (depending on what the crocs are like), I wouldn't expect my child to buy them with her Christmas money.

As to not encouraging her to have the same as her half sister - in this instance, I have a lot of sympathy for your dd. I think it is very hard for a child to see her sister having things that she desperately wants.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 15:57

don't think the "SHE has one, therefore I must have one too, immediately!" is a good thing to encourage, either

Its not encouraging it if the child knows and understands that the option would not be there if she did not have the money.

Its ok to want stuff.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 16:02

nearthe

You would accept a day out or lunch from a 6yo or expect a 6yo to pay for their own lunch?

cjel · 29/12/2013 16:08

It wouldn't be abuse to let a 6 yr old buy her own lunch!!! It would probably make her feel really grown up and special, buying what she wants with her money. I am amazed at peoples reaction on here to shield dcs from the reality of finances = No wonder so many people get into debt in later years, if they think 'dsis has one therefore I need to' and I have money today so must spend it on treats immediately!!!

NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 16:10

I hadn't looked at it like that sock but my dd loved to lunch and I think it would be a nice thing to do in honour of Grandma and rather a nice little Christmas tradition to take up. I think it would be lovely to invite grandad to enjoy her purchases with her and raise a glass to grandma who would probably have got so much pleasure from it.

shewhowines · 29/12/2013 16:15

I'm very much in the "learn from your mistakes" camp. If children have no feelings of control over their own money, they will not learn how to manage it. Six is not too young to start learning.

Having said that, I would take the opportunity to talk about saving and the ability to buy bigger/other things later on etc. Discuss the costs of the three things and how much she has/will have left over. Talk about whether it is a good idea to buy all three or would it be best to buy one or two now and perhaps buy something later on in the summer. At the end if the day it is her money and should be her decision, but she can be pointed in the right direction. She will learn by her mistakes. Perhaps not immediately, but she will over the course if time.

You do not automatically learn to manage money. You do it gradually by making some mistakes and learning from them. I gave pocket money from a very early age, for this very reason. They learnt early on that, once it's gone, it's gone.

kelda Why on earth would you pay for the shoes yourself? They are not essentials. She wants them. She pays for them.

VerySmallSqueak · 29/12/2013 16:16

On the easter/boxes of chocs issue, I do let my dc's just go for it- but it seems I'm in the minority. I always find they only eat a certain amount before they self regulate, and it's only on rare occasions after all.

VerySmallSqueak · 29/12/2013 16:16

On the easter/boxes of chocs issue, I do let my dc's just go for it- but it seems I'm in the minority. I always find they only eat a certain amount before they self regulate, and it's only on rare occasions after all.

VerySmallSqueak · 29/12/2013 16:16

On the easter/boxes of chocs issue, I do let my dc's just go for it- but it seems I'm in the minority. I always find they only eat a certain amount before they self regulate, and it's only on rare occasions after all.

VerySmallSqueak · 29/12/2013 16:18

Oh shit.
I'm clearly not too good on this here tablet thingie.Sorry for extra posts....

themaltesefalcon · 29/12/2013 16:18

I agree it's normal to want things and yet I don't think it's great idea to encourage coveting whatever your sibling has. Especially when it's a half-sibling, who has a whole, unrelated side of the family whose generosity it may be impossible for you to match. It could be setting the kid up for unnecessary disappointments later on when half-sis gets a high school trip to Tahiti and there simply isn't money in the kitty for your kid to go too.

Maybe. I have an only child so am shamelessly pontificating about shit I don't know shit about.

kelda · 29/12/2013 16:18

shewhowines - different people, different principles.

My parents always put my money into my savings account. I never had any control over my money until I was 18. I (and my brother) have grown up to be very careful with money, because that's the values that our parents instilled into us.

I do the same with my children.

VerySmallSqueak · 29/12/2013 16:18

Oh shit.
I'm clearly not too good on this here tablet thingie.Sorry for extra posts....

kelda · 29/12/2013 16:19

Grin verysmallsqueek

cjel · 29/12/2013 16:24

Ha Ha verysmallsqueakSmile

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 16:24

Themaltese.

That would be true,if the money was yours to decide what to do with because you would be setting up an expectation of duplicating half siblings stuff or trips ect.

Its not the same if the child knows its their own money why they have the money and once its gone its gone.

cjel · 29/12/2013 16:27

Socks, but how does a 6yr old know that if they are not guided to learn?

DowntonTrout · 29/12/2013 16:27

My DD has saved most of her money over the last 3 years. Last year she decided she wanted to buy a MacBook Air and so has put every penny into her savings. We expected that she would have another 2 years of saving up before she got there and by then maybe she would not want the MacBook anymore.

A surprise monetary gift from grandma this Christmas means she has enough. I think as she has been saving so long she is entitled to spend her money as she chooses and as she has not changed her mind in over a year, if that's what she wants to spend it on then so be it. She is 12 and will need a laptop soon so it might as well be that one.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 16:32

Cjel.

Guiding about money is not the same as just taking it away.

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/12/2013 16:35

On Boxing Day I was in game with one of my teenagers he had £200 to spend,

I reminded him that he had a game on preorder that's due out in march and suggested that he may wish to keep back £65 to make sure he can pay for the game and add on thingy on release and if he didn't then he would have to go without that particular game.

That's guiding

BackforGood · 29/12/2013 16:37

But saving it for them isn't the same as taking it away either. Some of the 'spenders' seem to think it equates to actually taking the child's money and spending it on something else entirely - whereas no-one is advocating that. Small children have absolutely no concept of the value of money. That's why they need their parents to guide them, IMO.