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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis charging for Christmas dinner.

362 replies

MercuryRising · 24/12/2013 02:11

Hi.
We are going to my dsis for Christmas dinner this year. This is the first year she has hosted.
In previous years my dmum or I have hosted and on these years have footed the bill except if somebody has offered to bring alcohol or puddings with them. I have just had a text from my dsis telling me that she has worked out the bill and it is £16 per head so I need to pay £64 for me, dp and 2dc (5 and 7). Now I do not consider myself to be tight but feel angered about the way this has been done because it really does feel that she is charging her own dniece and dnephew to eat. Aibu to feel rattled by this?

OP posts:
JingleMyBells · 24/12/2013 07:34

What's the etiquette for seconds? Do you get charged extra? Grin Your DSis is being a miserable tight arse especially as she has always been happy to eat for free over the previous years.

NotTwit · 24/12/2013 07:36

I bet it's not the first time she's acted like this though. Stamp it out before it gets really bad when her PFB is here.

FFS this sort of thing pisses me off, I agree with the posters saying that she's your sister and sort it out.
Although you could just give her a fiver and when she moans tell her that's all it was worth. Including if its amazing in every way.

Marshy · 24/12/2013 07:38

Just been discussing this with dh.

Me and dd are going to the hairdresser later. I have asked him if he can drop us off as the parking is a nightmare and he says yes but it will be a tenner taxi fare - double time as it's Christmas eve Grin

NotTwit · 24/12/2013 07:38

Oops x post. So, yay!

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat · 24/12/2013 07:39

Well done to your DH for stepping up. Keep up the good work and get out from under her thumb.

Original poster
MercuryRising · 24/12/2013 07:41

No it isn't NotTwit although I wonder how much of it is the influence of her dp.Sad
Lol Mashy.
The whole thing is ridiculous. I will keep you postedWink

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 24/12/2013 07:44

Oh I'm so glad you're going to tell her to get stuffed. Ring her now and then go out & get Christmas stuff anyway. It'll be so much easier done first thing in the morning and at least you'll have it in.

It's one meal for the 5/6 of you. Easy. You don't need to go to her Christmas.

I felt Hmm for you going to a Christmas dinner to spend lots and fume. Don't do it!

TiggyD · 24/12/2013 07:45

I'm sure you could have a more enjoyable time in your own house for less than £64.

DamnBamboo · 24/12/2013 07:45

O M G Shock

She is taking the piss! I agree with so many of the previous posters and whatever you do, go or don't go, but DO NOT PAY.

If you go, have a tally of what she owes you for previous years and say 'given you think £16 pph is acceptable, I've added up what you should have paid all the times your family has eaten here and so you actually owe me £154. Cheque will be fine thanks!'

How could she possibly argue against that.

goshhhhhh · 24/12/2013 07:47

Do what missingmum says.
Can't believe it....though my sister charged me for visiting her at uni when I was 15 when she invited me. (she was 20 & I'd paid my way...it was for heating & breakfast etc. I get that she was a student but I was at school....)sisters!

youbethemummylion · 24/12/2013 07:47

Whose ever house we go to for Christmas the rest of us put a contribution of money in an envelope hide it somewhere in the house then let them know when we have left where it is (seems like a farce but stops the embarrasing refusing/insisting thing that happens otherwise) however if anyone actually billed us for the meal we would be outraged! Its just not on to ask for the money especially as this wasnt mentioned when she offered to host!

goshhhhhh · 24/12/2013 07:47

Do what missingmum says.
Can't believe it....though my sister charged me for visiting her at uni when I was 15 when she invited me. (she was 20 & I'd paid my way...it was for heating & breakfast etc. I get that she was a student but I was at school....)sisters!

firesidechat · 24/12/2013 07:48

I cannot abide meanness. I wouldn't go, sorry. I am not suggesting you do this AT ALL, but I would tell her to do one. I would say "sorry, we can't really afford to come - we've decided to stay home."

I agree with CeQueL.

I've hosted Christmas for a few years now and yes it costs a small fortune, but it wouldn't cross my mind to charge anyone for it. A few contributions to the table would be nice though. Xmas Sad

sockssandalsandafork · 24/12/2013 07:48

Jesus, I've heard it all now! okay if it had been discussed beforehand but seriously, wtaf!! I'd show her this thread Wink

BohemianGirl · 24/12/2013 07:49

Of no help to you at all OP, but we're all sitting here laughing at the sheer cheek of your sister.

I doubt she can legally charge you - is her kitchen fit for public cooking? Does she have hygiene certificates? passed the relevant courses? is the food stored at the correct temperature? different chopping boards? Is she self employed? will she be telling the tax man? does her house insurance cover running a business?

OP - I could have hours of fun with a sister like your!

dementedma · 24/12/2013 07:59

Go the ops dh.hope he says op is too distraught and hurt to speak to sis personally

Earlspearl · 24/12/2013 08:03

I think I would text back and say 'i think its quite odd to be invited to a family Xmas (after years of me and mum hosting) and then at last minute announce there is a charge per head (and also charging children full price). We would have happily have bought some items along with us Xmas day

But alternatively, there's scope for a lot of milage if she ever realises how stupid she's been. You could jokingly charge her for everything you do for her/ all meals just before the event.

WipsGlitter · 24/12/2013 08:04

Up front - fine. Last minute, no. And when you've hosted for years. Terrible. We host DPs family every year. FiL pays for all the meat. His two siblings barely contribute. It rankles but we would never dream of charging.

Although I'm going to suggest to SIL that she might want to host FiL next year so I can spend it with my sister for once.

glenthebattleostrich · 24/12/2013 08:06

Well done your dp. I can't believe the cheek of your sis.

Earlspearl · 24/12/2013 08:07

Also if she is treating it like a restraint meal, then surely you don't have to lady the table, help cook or wash up

ChasedByBees · 24/12/2013 08:13

Thank god you're not going to just accept this. If love to have some fun with this, interogating her with this was a great idea from bohemiangirl

I doubt she can legally charge you - is her kitchen fit for public cooking? Does she have hygiene certificates? passed the relevant courses? is the food stored at the correct temperature? different chopping boards? Is she self employed? will she be telling the tax man? does her house insurance cover running a business?

She is outrageous and so damn mean. I hope your DP points out how she's accepted your Christmas hospitality in past years. As for comparing herself to a restaurant - as if!

PrimalLass · 24/12/2013 08:17

I've given my mum cash towards dinner, but the beef is £80 and its only fair. However, that's different to your sister sending you a bill.

ilovesooty · 24/12/2013 08:17

I'm glad your partner is going to call her and tell her straight. Sorting this out by returning texts sounded like a dreadful idea.

PedantMarina · 24/12/2013 08:20

Ooh, I like BohemianGirl's approach! We hadn't thought about that

But, seriously OP (it was DP and I who were totalling things up, btw), don't beat yourself up that your DH is doing the confronting on your behalf. At least somebody is. And, reading between the lines, it's clear that there's an already-present dynamic in your family for her having this kind of attitude, so that's going to take a bit of effort and fresh perspective to get past.

Hope your DF joins you - out of curiosity, what was the falling-out between him and DSIS about?

Best of luck, and bon appetit! Xmas Smile

kungfupannda · 24/12/2013 08:23

If she de-invites you, you can all come to our Christmas dinner.

It's a steal at £14 per head, and you get one free kids meal with every two paying adults.

We accept all major credit cards, or you can use paypal. Wink

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