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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis charging for Christmas dinner.

362 replies

MercuryRising · 24/12/2013 02:11

Hi.
We are going to my dsis for Christmas dinner this year. This is the first year she has hosted.
In previous years my dmum or I have hosted and on these years have footed the bill except if somebody has offered to bring alcohol or puddings with them. I have just had a text from my dsis telling me that she has worked out the bill and it is £16 per head so I need to pay £64 for me, dp and 2dc (5 and 7). Now I do not consider myself to be tight but feel angered about the way this has been done because it really does feel that she is charging her own dniece and dnephew to eat. Aibu to feel rattled by this?

OP posts:
Spermysextowel · 24/12/2013 06:33

My younger sister is hosting Christmas Eve & will not take contributions (works for a wine company so the obv solution is out). DM is doing Xmas day for me, my 2 sons & my older sister, then Boxing Day for all of the same plus younger sister, BIL & my ex-husband. This morning I fetched & paid for the turkey that DM had ordered, on the pretext of the weather being too bad for DM to do it (& she had to work today despite being 72) & now we have a skirmish because she wants to 'pay me back'. I've had to tell sisters not to give her my bank details or she'll be doing a transfer. None of us has calculated the actual cost & presented a bill. The sister who isn't hosting/paying for anything makes up for it by being the one who has to belt up the A1 at 5pm on Xmas eve. We will all just be very glad to be able to be together.

CeQueLEnfer · 24/12/2013 06:50

Wow, what a lovely generous family you have SST ! And inviting your ex, too. Just fab.

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat · 24/12/2013 06:55

The shops are open - get a turkey and the rest and have your dad with you. It will be a better Christmas because you won't be seething.

steff13 · 24/12/2013 06:59

I would pay up and then spend the whole meal complaining about the food, but then I like a bit of Christmas Day confrontation! You can't beat an alcohol fuelled family row on Christmas Day! Maybe that is why me and my DH and DC stay at home EVERY year. Happy Christmas to all MN's.

Oh, this does sound like fun! :) You could also send your plate back to the kitchen multiple times because the food isn't cooked to your liking.

In my husband's family, his uncle always hosts for Christmas. They provide a ham and beverages, and then we all bring different side dishes and desserts. It's a lovely time, we all enjoy eating good food and spending time as a family. I think I prefer that way of doing things.

HarryTheHungryHippo · 24/12/2013 07:02

She is your SISTER. Just tell her like it is and say "You're having a bloody laugh, aren't you? Me and mum have hosted for years, and never asked for money. Fine, ask us to bring a bottle or a pudding, but Jesus, what are you on?"

This times a million. I can't believe you. Aren't going to say anything even the money troubles one that sounds sympathetic.
How can you say nothing?

LovesBaublingTheTreeAgain · 24/12/2013 07:04

Hmm have a feeling we'll be getting an update after dinner on this one

Alanna1 · 24/12/2013 07:06

I'm not going to read all of the above but (a) is your sister hard up? Don't judge if so and (b) christmas IS expensive. We divide it up. So eg we are bringing the meat, crackers and the champagne (we are probably the wealthier mini-family going -I am not saying it the division has to be completely equal - equitable does not mean equal!); another family member is bringing cheese; another family member is bringing dessert etc.

Groovee · 24/12/2013 07:07

£64 for a family of 4?? I'd decline on the day and get a takeaway instead!

nennypops · 24/12/2013 07:08

How about making the whole thing as embarrassing as possible? Wait till you're about to go, then loudly "remember", ask her how much it was, "joke" over whether she is seriously making the children pay, ask them to scrape up the money out of any money they have been given for Christmas, prime them to cry about how they will no longer be able to buy something they've set their hearts on ...

Panzee · 24/12/2013 07:08

I like the idea of sending food back.
Refuse to pay at the end because it's horrible. :o

Ok don't, that's mean. Especially as she's pregnant. People get odd 2am notions, and sometimes pregnancy removes the part of the brain that stops you doing stupid things.

nennypops · 24/12/2013 07:09

Alanna1, there really isn't much point in posting if you're not going to bother to read at least OP's posts.

PedantMarina · 24/12/2013 07:13

DP can't stop thinking about this. We're sitting here doing the maths. How many people are meant to be there? Say, 10? So that's £160 for the food alone?!?

Just can't get how DSIS thinks this is acceptable, and that your parents are allowing this kind of behaviour. Is this a toxic/golden child thing? Has she always been like this (breaking all the toys, etc)?

And the idea that you're getting it from both ends with her "considerably richer than you" attitude.

I boggle. We boggle. Some early-morning boggling going on over here...

larrygrylls · 24/12/2013 07:14

I would not go on that basis. Alternatively, you could say that if she feels she is cheap compared to a restaurant, you expect restaurant service. Sit down and order a drink. Insists she serves you personally and tops your wine up. If any food is not right, send it back and insists she replace it.

And definitely ask what the alternative children's menu consists of and what it costs.

HissymasJumper · 24/12/2013 07:17

I'd not go.

She's given you no notice of this ridiculous charge, i'd give her the same notice of your change of mind.

Spermysextowel · 24/12/2013 07:19

lenfer yes I do. Inviting the ex isn't quite so; he will probably turn up & my generous mother will make
sure he is fed, & his sons will be happy to see him. Fab all
round I'd say.

AttackOfTheKillerMonsterSnowGo · 24/12/2013 07:22

We split it between the adults, but I always host and our guests stay for 3 days! I'd be furious and not a little hurt by your situation. YANBU!

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 24/12/2013 07:25

I can't believe you're actually going to go ahead and pay for the meals. And I can't believe you said you'll pay because you don't want her to think you can't afford it. What a crappy reason to part with your own money.

She is nog just being unreasonable, she's being bloody mean. And sorry, but YOU are also bring extremely unreasonable by going along with it.

How long does it take to put a meal together? Come on, man up and stand up to her. Get a few ready cooked stuff from the supermarket and sort yourselves out for dinner. Then go to hers after they've eaten just to meet them all.

Don't be dancing to her tune.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 24/12/2013 07:26

How can you not say anything? She's your sister, just tell her!

I would send her a text back with a bill for all the years you've hosted.

Original poster
MercuryRising · 24/12/2013 07:27

I shown dp the text and my response. He is furious that she has asked for us to pay for her dniece and dnephew to eat Christmas dinner and is ringing her to tell her this morning. I know this sounds really weak as I am letting him confront her instead of doing it myself, but he is far more straight to the point than me. If she still insists that is what she intends to do we will be running around getting the bits for a Christmas dinner this afternoon. I will explain the situation to ddad and see where he wants to go. They had a big falling out in the summer because she tried to lord it over him so I am not sure what he will decide to do.

Sorry I can't remember who was calculating costs with their dh but there are 11 of us and Im pretty sure dinner wouldn't cost 78 for us plus ddadWink

OP posts:
JingleMyBells · 24/12/2013 07:29

Just text: Lol Grin

Jaynebxl · 24/12/2013 07:29

I would absolutely reply and say does sh3 really mean to charge same price for the children, and that you're a bit surprised as you never charged her when you hosted. At least that gets your feelings out in the open and hopefully you wouldn't feel like rushing off so early and can enjoy the day.

Perfectlypurple · 24/12/2013 07:30

I know someone who did this. Listefd everything she bought and charged her pil and sil for it. The mil and sil were in the kitchen stuffing their faces saying they had paid so they were going to eat it!

Several times on xmas evev I have hosted a buffet for family. A nice time for a get together and a chance for the kids to all play and get worn out. I would never charge. Yes people bring wine and stuff which is appreciated not expected and it all tends to even out over the years with different people hosting different things.

theladyrainy · 24/12/2013 07:31

£16 for a 5 year old?

TheBrotherHoodOfSteel · 24/12/2013 07:31

Oh my days that is unbelievable! She's having a laugh isn't she!?
Who in their right mind charges your family for Christmas dinner!? I'm so shocked op.
I host Christmas Day every year now, it's our thing but mainly because my house is the only house we can all fit in Wink it costs us a small fortune (£300 last year) but I wouldn't dream of trying to recoup my costs!
Your sister is nuts! I hope you don't pay it. It's not like she can take your meals back and get a refund now is it. Blush

Original poster
MercuryRising · 24/12/2013 07:32

Having read all your posts I think my New Years resolution does need to be to toughen up. Dp has been telling me for ages that she walks all over me, but I just accepted it because she has quite a controlling personalitu and as a family we just joke that that is just the way she is. This has been a wake up call.

OP posts: