Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let grandparents see grandson over christmas

136 replies

wontletmesignin · 22/12/2013 09:17

Split up with my ex in early november. Domestic violence. Police, solicitors, social worker, domestic violence advocate and therapist involved. All are backing me.

I was advised to stop contact altogether with ds dad as he was extremely emotionally abusive. Not just to me, to my kids also - his son included.

He breached his non molestation order and is up on trial in janurary.
Although we are hoping it falls through as there is too much against him.
Everyone will state they want the non-mol kept in place.

Only ive had his parents contact me via a solicitor asking to see ds over christmas.

I feel awful about this. His mother did threaten that i would never see my son again when they took him from me for three days.
This has left me somewhat worried and im having nightmares about every which way he can be taken from me.
Exes parents coming to see my son is one way they could take him.

I know if they did i would get him straight back, but it was far too traumatic the first time. I cant put myself or my dc through that again.

So would i be being unreasonable if i didnt allow contact to take place?

Not at least until i have gotten over them taking my ds.

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 22/12/2013 09:21

no i dont think you would unreasonable.

how ever if they still want to see him after christmas i would sugest a contact centre, how can you be sure they wont take him to see his dad? or try to take him again which would be stressfull for the child.

ElbowPrincess · 22/12/2013 09:21

No, yanbu! Do not hand your child over to someone who has threatened to abduct him! Grandparents dont have rights - if they had been kind, loving GPs I may have said it would be nice to let him see them - but they are not.

thegreylady · 22/12/2013 09:22

I came on with a 'poor grandparents' attitude but given that they took your son and threatened you, I wouldn't let them within a mile of him gp or not.
They have no rights to see him and you may well be doing yourself and your boy a disservice if you allow them back into his life.

MellowAutumn · 22/12/2013 09:23

Tell them to fuck off

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/12/2013 09:24

No, don't let them see him.

glenthebattleostrich · 22/12/2013 09:25

You are in no way unreasonable. I'd also be logging the contact with the police as it could be your ex behind it.

Tell them in no uncertain terms that if they contact you again you will get the police involved.

BohemianGirl · 22/12/2013 09:26

No I wouldnt even answer the letter

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2013 09:26

No reason on this earth they should see him - at Christmas or ever!

What on earth can they bring to your son's life? Absolutely nothing.

Stick to your guns.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 22/12/2013 09:28

No, YANBU. In that situation I think you are fully justified.

They threatened to abduct your child?! What utter cunts.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/12/2013 09:29

Don't even think of letting them see him. I would not let them see him ever again. They've burnt their bridges after what they have threatened. No wonder their son turned out like he did.

justtoomessy · 22/12/2013 09:29

No way. There son turned out the way he did for a reason and I suspect they had something to do with it if they would consider abducting your child as well.

Say no they bring nothing to your childs' life.

MusicalEndorphins · 22/12/2013 09:31

No, the children come first before any grandparents wants. I think the contact centre is the only way I'd allow a visit.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/12/2013 09:31

Hang on, I just re-read. They ALREADY abducted your child? They had him for 3 days and it was supposed to be less, do you mean?

Monetbyhimself · 22/12/2013 09:33

Not within an inch of your kids. You can also have contact with grandbparents dealt with in court. My estranged MIL is not allowed unsupervised contact.

TwoCatsInTheYard · 22/12/2013 09:34

Forget what the grandparents want. The question you should be asking is 'AIBU to not let grandson see grandparents over Christmas?'

Is he old enough to know what is happening? Does he have a good relationship with them? Does he want to see them at Christmas? And, probably most importantly, is he likely to come to harm (emotional or physical) as a result of any contact?

BoysiesBack · 22/12/2013 09:35

Absolutely do NOT let them see your DS. They have no legal rights and lost any moral ones when they threatened to abduct him.

It sounds like you have had an awful year, you deserve to enjoy Christmas with your children without that worry & stress. I hope the new year brings you much happiness, OP.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 22/12/2013 09:37

Thank you all. I feel awful about it - but dont think i could allow contact. Thanks for the reassurance.

The day i kicked ex out. They went to the nursery and took my son out early. They said they would bring him back the followong day. They didnt.
They then told me i would never see him again, over their dead bodies etc.etc. told me theyd changed his nursery and applied for tax credits and then i hung up on them.

There was nothing i could do with him having PR. It was an awful awful time.
On the third day they took him to nursery, on the condition i wouldnt stop them seeing him.
So i allowed contact to happen against what i actually really wanted deep down. Until i had support from social services.
Now it has all been stopped.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 22/12/2013 09:38

Yanbu. They have nerve just asking. They should look to their own behaviour. Do not allow your son to be used in this way.

BonaDrag · 22/12/2013 09:41

Christmas? No not at Christmas. Or any time of year.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 22/12/2013 09:41

twocatsintheyard - the grandparents fed my ds on nothing but sugary stuff. Which i know gp do this. But he never got a meal when there. He is three and she kept him on a bottle as he liked it. Even though i had stopped them ages ago. She had no intention to stop.

The three days that they had him. They told ds that i was mean and i had hurt daddy.
My ds has mentioned them a few times. But he is a lot happier. I think all the progress we have made would go backward if i allowed ds to see them.

OP posts:
KirstyJC · 22/12/2013 09:41

Ignore them, don't even respond to the request.

What utter bastards - and yes, this probably explains why your ex turned out the way he did.

Good for you for getting away.

BlackDaisies · 22/12/2013 09:42

No, of course YANBU. For a start the only way they could see him would be supervised anyway. There is no way they can expect to simply take him. I would ignore the letter and seek advice from your own solicitor and SS. I would imagine that as they threatened to keep your son from you, you would be advised to say no contact or supervised contact only.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 22/12/2013 09:45

They did state they would see him in my home if i preferred that. But i dont want to see them. I thought i knew them. I never once thought they were the kind of people to take my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 22/12/2013 09:47

Thank you all. I am going to stick to my guns.
I am going to just ignore the contact letter from my solicitor.

Im going to fully concentrate on a happy christmas for my children.
If they want contact. They know where the courts are.

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 22/12/2013 09:48

YANBU. In addition, I would write to the solicitor along these lines: "Dear Sue, Grabbitt and Runne: I am at a loss as to your clients' motives. As you know very well, they have no right in law to contact while I am the resident parent. If you contact me again I shall inform the relevant professional body and the police that you may be party to harassment and breach of non-mol by my ex or persons acting for him".