82y old MIL expects me or DH to put in her suppositories when she comes for xmas?

[tiredpooky]

she is constipated last few days and wont even try to put them in herself. (Always been a helpless lady last 20y i've known her, expects others to 'do' for her)
I mean I am right arent I? Totally inappropriate and gross. DH says he wont and I have never got on with the lady...
{makes wretching sound}
she knows she can get the district nurse, but we get the impression that as she is coming here anyway, we might as well do it for her........
has she no shame?

well I dont see exactly how she is going to MAKE you if you say no.
Her arse.
Her problem.

Say no.

what's she going to do? Bend over the christmas table and spread her arse cheeks at you?

Or maybe you do it using the same gloves you've just cut the peppers with...

Oh my fecking god no. I can do stuff to my child's bum if needs be, I would do it for DH in an emergency, I sometimes lie awake worrying that I'll have to give my parents this sort of care (and if it comes to that then I will). The idea of doing it to an in-law is the stuff of nightmares, sorry.

(And god, you know, I'd probably even help someone out if they got stuck and were in a panic. I'd need to have an hour-long hot shower later, mind. But no, if she's OK doing basic self-care normally and wiping her arse, there's no WAY I'd agree in advance to put my digits anywhere near her rectum.)

Could you make it into a party game for the children? Stick the suppository up Grandma?

I don't believe this.

Is this on her Christmas wish list?

I would actually. I'd rather not, but if an elderly relative really needed the help I'd put on some gloves and grit my teeth. But I'm not at all squeamish and totally understand you don't want to. So, either DH or the district nurse.

I actually have given my MIL suppositories, along with many other personal care type things. Do I win the thread?

She had very little mobility though & certainly wouldn't have been able to do it herself.

If your MIL has full mobility & is capable of wiping her own bum, then I would would tell her exactly where she can stick the bloody things.
By herself obv

I wonder how many of us have said 'MIL can take her attitude/that awful present/her precious poodle, and shove it up her arse' and yet when presented with the opportunity to shove something up a MIL's arse, so many of us would rather not. Including me.

YANBU

I'm very cruel so I'd be feeding her eggs laced with Immodium.

Can you fashion some kind of U-shaped giant poking device (©Friends), hand her a mirror and wish her good luck?

I want to know which Madonna the OP should pretend to be.

Mother of Christ or the pop star?

And does she pretend just in her head or does she dress up with crucifixes (for either) and sing Like A Virgin (actually also for either).

Yes, I agree. if the person was elderly, infirm and unable to do it themselves. and if there was no other option, then yes.

But neither of those things apply, according to the OP. The mother in law is not infirm and a district nurse could be arranged.

She'd just prefer to have her daughter in law go knuckle deep. I don't know why. It's surely not less embarrassing to have your son or his wife insert something into your anus than a trained professional?

OMG You poor thing

I'd be tempted to 'accidentally' stick up a Brussel sprout instead (well it is Christmas)

One good thing about mn... I was kind of dreading the Christmas rellies invasion, but when I read what others have to deal with, my family seem positively easy.

If she's mobile and independent the district nurse will not do it. It's outrageous to expect NHS staff covering times like Christmas when they are focused on helping people who are post operative or pallative or very frail.

She can do it herself and actually to do it for her is not a good thing as you would just be condoning her ridiculous behaviour and reinforcing her sense of helplessness and entitlement.

Don't stick a sprout up there. When it comes back out it'll never flush. You'll have it bobbing about in your loo for ever.

I think the Madonna move in question might be something from Vogue.

Tell her not to just stand there, she's got to get to it, strike a pose (bend over and brace yourself) there's nothing to it. Poke!

Or prod it in with a very pointy bra.

lol at making a children's game of it and Brussel sprout

She is a very strange woman if she wants you to do it. Tell her that she either does it herself or she takes something by mouth.

I'm not into making cakes so I apologise for not knowing the name.

Get 1 of them bags that you fill (for icing cakes) but fill it with the capsule and margarine.

Aim at the hole and squeeze..

No bum will be touched by you of DH and you won't even need gloves.

No fucking way could I do that OP!

Anyone else going to be thinking of this thread next week when they're stuffing the turkey?

Ds is a crack shot with his Nerf gun. Load the suppository in to that..

[arf] at "crack shot"

I see she's hale and hearty otherwise so no way.
I'd have done it for my mum when she had dementia and was helpless.
Not my ex MIL though that would have been DH's job.
I remember her telling me about her DH falling of a ladder and breaking his wrists so she had to wipe his bum everyday.
We've all done the pooey nappies, it's just a step away from that, but she sounds perfectly capable of managing herself.

no. I fucking wouldnt.

tell her she either does it herself or shes not coming

That would be a big fat NO from me.
DH could sort that one out, either by doing it or by telling her to get a fucking grip and do it herself.

On a secondary note - I can recommend Glycoprep (might be called something slightly different in the UK) as being an EXCELLENT cure for constipation - she only has to drink 3 L of it and it tastes beyond disgusting - it'll clear her out beyewtifully.