82y old MIL expects me or DH to put in her suppositories when she comes for xmas?

[tiredpooky]

she is constipated last few days and wont even try to put them in herself. (Always been a helpless lady last 20y i've known her, expects others to 'do' for her)
I mean I am right arent I? Totally inappropriate and gross. DH says he wont and I have never got on with the lady...
{makes wretching sound}
she knows she can get the district nurse, but we get the impression that as she is coming here anyway, we might as well do it for her........
has she no shame?

Could you buy some sort of blow dart type apparatus? Get her to spread her cheeks, aim, fire....

I regularly have to insert my digits into the rectums of strangers for professional purposes.

But I draw the line at anyone I am related to. By blood OR marriage.

Why is she anticipating being constipated next week? Is she arriving today/tmrw? Surel they will have taken effect by then....

Sellotape it to the end of an umbrella (then you could possible do it from the next room)

Actually the correct answer is no.

No. N.O.

What's she going to do if you say no?

It's not like she can do a dirty protest...

I'm loving the replies here, you lot are so funny.

Sorry OP, but this is the first time I have laughed today. Thank you!

And no. Not even with my eyes shut and a large brandy. Your dh can do it- its not women's work- and its his dm!

She is probably laughing into her festive liquer chocs and all her mates are gathered round waiting for your reply. DIL bingo:)

Finally a use for the turkey baster...

I tried imagining I was Madonna for 5 minutes and came over with a compulsion to adopt children from Africa/learn about Kabbala/have arms like a man.

Didn't much care for it.

OMG I'm snorting laughing at some replies. No way would I do it.
Good luck OP.

She needs a visit from the Christmas Poo, our all time family Christmas Favourite.

Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo
Small and Brown, he comes from you
Sit on the toilet, here he comes
Squeeze him tween your festive buns!
A present from down below
Speading joy with a 'howdy ho'!
He's seen the love inside of you
Cos he's a piece of poo!

Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny
He can be brown, or greenish-brown
But if you eat fibre on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town..
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore vicariously, he loves you
'I can make a Mr Hankey too'!

Never on this earth. Hell would freeze over first.

Actually crying at this thread!!
Sorry op but thanks for the laugh

what a wonderful thread, this is taking MIL demands to a whole new level!

its made me

I am just imagining my DH having to to this for my DF. .

All those poor DILS out there dealing with the most challenging situation this xmas will now, cast a thought over to you, standing with gloved hand ready to launch, starting at her poor old behind and deal with whatever they have to deal with, heads raised high...

Fine, if it's just stubbornness then you can just be stubborn in your turn. If she tries pulling the "poor me" stunt, tell her the remedy lies in her own hands.

I have to agree that this puts every other Christmas dilemma in perspective

MIL anal juices on my fingers would be enough to send me teetering over the edge to madness.

And I wouldn't be happy eating Yule Log after either

MIL anal juices on my fingers would be enough to send me teetering over the edge to madness

too much

Its DH job just remind him how get got here in the first place and who wiped his bottom.

I would not do it, not in a million years!
It's very strange, she has no mobility issues, yet she wants the two of you to do it for her. Sounds like she has some control issues. Especially as she can anticipate constipation almost a week in advance.
No, you need to tell your DH to sort that out himself - either to do it for her or to explain her that there is no reason for anyone to do that for her, nor him or you.

Could you pretend to be really excited about it?

Get some of those Kim and Aggie Rubber gloves with the feathers on them, and wave them at her when she arrives "I bought these specially for you know when!!" big grin, waggling your eyebrows etc. She'll soon lose her nerve.

I was thinking along similar lines to Dido, except rather than a brolly I would use a garden cane - I think you can get ones that are 8 feet (and you could always tie two together) so you dont need to be in the same room

Surely this must be a contender for classics?

I'm now thinking fof that scene in friends where they fashion a REALLY long poking device to check if UNG is still alive.

Have you chopsticks etc?

"It's not like she can do a dirty protest..." :o :o

And Curlew's anal carnage :o

tiredpooky - you have won Christmas. But you still have to say no -. tell her you're too busy.

I haven't read whole thread just wanted to say you have put a much needed smile on my face... Just brilliant

Yes, Madonna in Vogue, not in Frozen as MIL would get crows and henna up her bum.