Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

82y old MIL expects me or DH to put in her suppositories when she comes for xmas?

372 replies

tiredpooky · 20/12/2013 12:22

she is constipated last few days and wont even try to put them in herself. (Always been a helpless lady last 20y i've known her, expects others to 'do' for her)
I mean I am right arent I? Totally inappropriate and gross. DH says he wont and I have never got on with the lady...
{makes wretching sound}
she knows she can get the district nurse, but we get the impression that as she is coming here anyway, we might as well do it for her........
has she no shame?

OP posts:
DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 22/12/2013 08:25

OP come back!!!

HectorVector · 22/12/2013 08:29

Although I can't comment on whether the MIL is capable of doing this herself or not, this thread has actually got me worrying about my parents as they become elderly. I'd do anything for them, I'd absolutely hate it but I'd wash them, do the suppository thing, wipe their bottoms whatever... But I'd hate every second of it. I wouldn't want to do it for the ILs, they have their own children and that means the responsibility will fall on DH and his sister.
This thread although hilarious to most but has actually made me very sad.
Getting old can be so bloody undignified. :(
I just hope my parents age well and keep all their faculties about them.

ZingChoirsOfAngels · 22/12/2013 08:31

hector

I almost wrote something similar last night
it made me sad too.

Joysmum · 22/12/2013 08:40

hector thank god for some sanity. I've had to do things I'd rather not for my mother in law before she died, and my father in law before his dementia landed him in a specialist home.

As I wrote earlier, 1 suppository would probably clear up the problem then ongoing laxatives prevent a further build up. I was in dreadful pain with constipation when pregnant ended up with a tear so I can only think how distressing this is.

I know many people on here have toxic people in their lives or in laws from hell, but for me I have lovely family who wouldn't make such a request lightly as it's the last thing they'd want for themselves.

HelloBoys · 22/12/2013 09:19

Marking place.

Seriously is this some kind of control issue or is it essential for her wellbeing?!

My mum used to tell me the French loved suppositories can't stand them myself.

HelloBoys · 22/12/2013 09:20

Oh and constipation there are other meds get her to see doctor or nurse before she visits.

Fairylea · 22/12/2013 09:25

I've obviously had a sense of humour failure but I don't find this funny. This is an old woman who is having a health problem. And yes she should ask for the nurse to do it but it's not laughable.

Sometimes these things grim as they may be need doing for the most vulnerable members of society - the old or the very young.

I nursed my gran at home through terminal bowel cancer. I did it all, the nappies towards the end, the suppositories. It's not nice, no but fucking hell it wasn't nice for her either. Even less so! I'm not saying everyone else should care for their relatives the way I did, not everyone is able to, that's fine, but it's not really appropriate to laugh about it.

We're all going to be old one day. I'd like to think someone would help me to wipe after a poo or something similar without laughing at me.

Fairylea · 22/12/2013 09:27

And as someone with a family with experience of all kinds of bowel problems I can tell you that a laxative of any kind is far more aggressive for an elderly person than a suppository, so that is why she wants one. Some laxatives can make the elderly very ill indeed.

revivingsnowshower · 22/12/2013 09:28

I think we'd all man up and don the rubber gloves if absolutely necessary but it seems like the mil in question was just being odd. Suppositories are only an emergency measure so how did she know days in advance? If she has a long term problem she needs a gentle oral laxative like lactulose - and plenty of prunes.

dementedma · 22/12/2013 09:36

Wouldn't do it.no way.

Mumzy · 22/12/2013 10:24

is MIL royal?

PedantMarina · 22/12/2013 11:40

Loving this fred! Esp the chili-gloves solution.

Wishing OP would come back, though,

Mrsantithetic · 22/12/2013 11:45

I just asked dp if he would do this for his mum.

He said fuck that. I'd give her prune juice and a take a break.

MutantFuckerAndProud · 22/12/2013 13:04

I did it for my mum when she was dying of cancer.

HesterShaw · 22/12/2013 13:09

Sorry about your mum, mutant.

This lady's in good health, I believe. I don't think the OP would have started the thread, otherwise.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 22/12/2013 13:27

I think IF the MIL were a frail elderly type who honestly couldn't manage it, then this thread WOULDN'T have provoked the response it has - it's the very fact that she is apparently hale and hearty but just doesn't fancy doing it herself, that is causing the hilarity.

IF my MIL needed this doing I'd still make DH do it - but I would do it for my Dad if I had to.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/12/2013 13:36

When is she coming? She should start on the senokot now and maybe she wont be constipated on xmas day.

SolidGoldBrass · 22/12/2013 14:15

Another agreement that the OP wouldn't have posted like this if it was a case of elderly person in serious need - there's obviously a history of unreasonable demands from the MIL.

My suggestion is get her one of these to shift the blockage. (Link not necessarily worksafe. If anyone's still at work.) But don't say yes or she'll be telling you it hasn't worked and asking you to get going with the warm teaspoon.

landrover · 22/12/2013 15:20

Fairylea, its posted with humour, we ve all had problems, you are not the only one!

Fairylea · 22/12/2013 15:31

Eh?! I have never said, or suggested, that I am the only one with problems.

I just said that I don't think laughing about an elderly woman asking her son and dil to help her insert suppositories is particularly nice. That's all. Even if the woman is in good health and usually a bit of a helpless so and so.

AnyFuckersfrogslegs35 · 22/12/2013 15:51

YANBU!
Urghh I wouldn't do it. I sometimes use these myself and it's not difficult, literally 10 seconds to position it. No way I'd expect anyone to do it for me.
Get her to buy some Lactalose, take the maximum dose and guaranteed to not be needing the suppository within 4 hours :)

fluffyraggies · 22/12/2013 15:56

''with friends like your MIL, who needs enemas?''

artisan - Grin Pure wit.

Skogkat · 22/12/2013 16:06

Oh my God.

If she couldn't do it herself, then of course. And I did it for my darling DGM, before her death. If she is physically able then no way.

FryOneFatChristmasGoose · 22/12/2013 16:29

I've read this through, and laughed my head off. Especially at ComposHat and his anal carnage.....

But really, if she's not frail, then expecting someone else to do this for her is weird. And using suppositries when she's already been constipated for a few days? I'd recommend Movicol, like others here.

DS has had bowel issues in the past and still uses Movicol sometimes. So when my late MIL had a problem, I suggested that if the Lactulose prescribed to her wasn't working as well as it should, then it might be a good alternative. (She was told to drink lots more water than usual, but she was very rigid in her habits and only had drinks at set times, which I suspect was part of the problem.)

I got chapter and verse from MIL about the poonami that followed using Movicol. She had piles and was supposed to use the stuff to keep her regular and avoid making the piles worse.

But I would have drawn the line at inserting a suppositry. And no way would she ever have asked DP.

FrankieStien · 22/12/2013 16:43

Give her a JML flexi torch and tell her to get on with it, OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread