82y old MIL expects me or DH to put in her suppositories when she comes for xmas?

[tiredpooky]

she is constipated last few days and wont even try to put them in herself. (Always been a helpless lady last 20y i've known her, expects others to 'do' for her)
I mean I am right arent I? Totally inappropriate and gross. DH says he wont and I have never got on with the lady...
{makes wretching sound}
she knows she can get the district nurse, but we get the impression that as she is coming here anyway, we might as well do it for her........
has she no shame?

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I can't BREATHE now.

"Gran had an arse like potatoes
old skin,hanging off her cheeks
anusol went in so deep"

Ray of Shite

"...and I feel...like I've rammed it home, and I feel...."
"...she's got herself a blocked up arse, got herself a blocked up arse..."

I'd never be able to look her in the eye again!

surely the issue isn't about looking her in the eye?

So funny!

Wonder what the OP has told the MIL?!

Tbh I wouldn't hesitate to help an elderly person with personal care even if it was an icky job. We all do it for young children so why not the very old. This lady is 82.

If it was a fully able adult in middle age I probably would balk at it though as I would find it weird them not helping themselves

[Grin] Dementedhousewife

That's more like it, haha!

Oh ffs, OP please come back and tell us her response to your 'What the actual fuck!'

(Oh my aching cheeks)

You need to insert them sideways then she won't bother asking again

I've just been told off for sniggering whilst the dcs are watching TV!

Remember to count the pigs in blankets

It's Christmas time. There's no need to be afraid. But there is.

Best Christmas thread EVER

There once was a gran aged 82
Who didn't want her hand covered In poo
we agreed to be kind
And sort her behind
But now we can't find the glue ....

Oh Op thank you for combining best Christmas and outrageous mil in one thread.

The mumsnet 2013 gold plated suppository award goes to op.

Agree this needs to go in MN classics!

I was thinking it was a job for Kylie Minogue: "Come on baby, have a big bowel motion".

I think your MIL is the poo troll

Bravo! Having had The Shittest ( like that?) week and a half, you have single-handedly managed to make me laugh uncontrollably and forget myself. Thank you. Your good deed is done. You now need not do the suppository thing. Your work is done.
Sincerely, thank you!!!!
Still laughing.

Very easy to get those suppositories and hex bugs mixed up you know...

"Anyone else going to be thinking of this thread next week when they're stuffing the turkey?"

Well thank you, WorraLiberty, now I'm going to have to move my arse and get something to wipe up the wine I've just spat all over my computer.

only read OP

wouldn't bother me. if it needs doing it needs doing. why be outraged?

I'd do it for anyone I know if they needed it and I'd like to think I could do it for absolutely anybody, but I can't promise I would.

and I'd like to think that my kids would be ok to do it for me, if I needed it.

As I mentioned ^^ upthread.

I have actually administered suppositories to my MIL, & did so out of the goodness of my heart the district nurses didn't have to try to fit that into their Xmas day calls.

I also dealt with Mr Hanky afterwards. FML .

find the girthiest dildo in Ann Summers and tell her you got to loosen her up first. Also have a mustard pot to hand for lube suggestion...she won't ask again. ...hopefully.

So hilarious.
Zing you're missing a lot by not reading the "hole" thread!!

Venus

Suppose-I-try reading it tonight!