to think my 14-year-old stepDD really should be able to take the bus/train on her own to visit us?

[cinnamontoast]

DH complains about having to drive a round trip of nearly 400 miles in the school holidays to bring her down to visit, but won't contemplate her using public transport. At her age I was happily getting the train on my own to visit relatives at the other end of the country - and I didn't have a mobile. Surely learning to travel independently is an important life skill?

Oh yes meet somewhere en route (but maybe not in birmingham - at a smaller station prior to brum)

My dd1 catches 2 buses to school, into and then out of Glasgow city centre.

She also does the 70 mile train journey to visit my parents no bother.

She'll be 14 in February.

there'd be a problem if she missed a connection for any reason as I presume you'd want to book her a cheap ticket.

If you hold tickets for the complete journey, then that guarantees connections if the trains are delayed, whether they're booked as one ticket or as a sequence of tickets. Provided you booked a journey which obeyed the rules on minimum change allowances (ie, one that the national rail website will show you) then if a train is late, you're perfectly entitled to get the next connecting service, even if you have an advance ticket.

So you haven't actually checked the journey?
Is she used to travelling independently where she lives?

yes but planes are quite different, besides children fly as unaccompanied minors.

Completely wrong about changing at Birmingham

What's the journey?

Friday, would that work if she was merely lost and confused, rather than it being the train network's error?
Would she have the confidence to make her point?

As long as she's met at the station and has a mobile in case of emergencies, and the journey doesn't have lots of changes (ideally none at all- sometimes national rail doesn't show these unless you find the tick box for it though), I would have thought she'd be fine. What's going to happen to her on the train? It's no different from being out in town or in a cafe or cinema for a couple hours and I'm sure most people have done that by age 14 surely?

I agree Birmingham is not the easiest station to change at, so on those grounds I might be concerned. But at what age would you think this something a young person can do? 16? 18? At 14 I was happily travelling from northern England to South of London, including crossing London by myself. But it was a while ago and I was a very independent child.

DD flew from Scotland to Luton when she was 15. To my mind that is harder than travelling by plane as they have to go through security by themselves, find the gate etc. At least travelling by train you can put them on the train and meet them on the platform at the other end if it's a straight-through journey.

I don't think it's just about the distance, but form of transport.

If the OP had specified 200 miles on a plane I don't think I'd have batted an eyelid since you're watched from the minute you go through the gate till you leave the airport you land at. And there are loads of staff around specifically to assist you.

You're on your own on a coach or train.

14 year old flying to Spain - dropped off and picked up, fine. 14 year old getting the Eurostar and then coach to Spain, ermm not so fine.

My mobile network has crap connection in train stations. Just sayin'

Of course this is OK. You only need to be 12 to take the Eurostar on your own ie international train travel. When DD was 7 she and DSS2 who was 14 at the time travelled to the US together as UMs. IIRC DSS2 flew back to Paris on his own not as a UM when he was 13.

Suggest he loads the ipod up with Old harry's game series, and Cabin pressure series (really funny), available on and they can laugh their way home together.

I love having my older children in the car for long journeys, they are the brilliant opportunities to have uninterrupted chats.

Friday, would that work if she was merely lost and confused,

No. But in which case, there's that handy box on the NR website to add your chosen amount of extra time to the changes to allow for that.

And for children travelling off-peak, if the comparator is a car costing around 40p per mile, then you just book them an open return and have done with it. Assuming she's travelling off peak, then (for example) London to Birmingham return is about 20 quid for a child's open any permitted offpeak return.

@ the cross post with Lolliecats completely opposite point of view!

That's how I'd see it, Quote.

YABU

If your DH doesn't mind doing it and the SD doesn't feel ready to do a 200 mile train journey by herself yet, you are making a problem that doesn't need to exist.

Yes it's tiring to do a 400 mile round trip by car, but what's wrong with waiting a few months or couple of years, until the SD is ready to do the train journey? Why make a problem about it now? Life's too short.

I don't think many 14 year olds will have gone to the cinema by themselves rather than with a mate...

14 year old getting the Eurostar and then coach to Spain, ermm not so fine.

Really? My 16 and 14 year olds did London to Nice by Eurostar and TGV this summer, including changing across Paris from Gare du Nord to Gare de Lyon. Entertainment included late running on the way out and a bomb scare on the way back. I'd booked a hotel for them "just in case" in Paris, which we cancelled over t'Internet as their TGV pulled out from Paris.

Actually, changing at Birmingham would be a different matter. I got lost there and ended up having to sit about for hours in the night being pestered by smelly blokes and I was 19 at the time, it's a complete bastard station. Mind you I was not the best at common sense so would depend on the teenager, but I wouldn't risk it with a 14 year old.

Could your DH travel down the night before and stay in a cheap travelodge? Again, good deals if you book early.

Actually, changing at Birmingham would be a different matter.

The OP has now said that it does not involve a change at Mordor Central Birmingham New St.

Sounds fine to me, I don't think Birmingham is that bad anyway but where would she have to change now you've checked? I'd have done it happily at that age and trains are pretty simple to figure out, worst case scenario she just makes sure she goes and checks at the info desk when she changes

You can tackle all sorts of challenges with a friend or a sibling at your side.
But I've already asked how much independent travel round and about she does at home. Familiarity is important in building confidence.
We used to travel back from boarding school unaccompanied, with changes and no mobiles, and we did get misplaced several times.
Depends what level of risk your OH and his ex and his DD want to face.

She (presumably) has had NO SAY in the fact that her parents have split up. She has (presumably) had NO SAY that her parents now live 200 miles from each other. She has had NO SAY in the fact that her Dad is now with a moany new partner. She has NO SAY in the fact that her Dad seems resentful for collecting her.

Give the poor girl a break. Whilst her friends can spend the holidays relaxing and chilling out, you want to put her on a cold and lonely train journey with the end result the pleasure of your company???

Remember that you are the adults and that she is likely to be feeling completely disconnected to her dad so allow her and him the security and bonding of a car journey...