to think my 14-year-old stepDD really should be able to take the bus/train on her own to visit us?

[cinnamontoast]

DH complains about having to drive a round trip of nearly 400 miles in the school holidays to bring her down to visit, but won't contemplate her using public transport. At her age I was happily getting the train on my own to visit relatives at the other end of the country - and I didn't have a mobile. Surely learning to travel independently is an important life skill?

it's not really the same as going to school is it ?

bunches of kids with a common purpose all on the same vehicle, all at the same time, going to the same destination

no comparison

DDs almost 14 and no, I would not do this unless it was a straight there one train journey that she could be put on and met from - even then there could be potential problems like rowdy crowds of footie fans etc - But from here she'd have to change/cross London on the tube to get anywhere, and as a country girl she would not manage that, nor would I want her to. I though went on a plane alone at 12 - only a 1 hour or so flight and I was handed over to my aunt at the other end by a stewardess. totally different matter.

Merry
to be fair, there are a LOT of posts on this thread. She might not have seen that question.

I agree that it depends on the experience of the DD, and how able she is to cope with unexpected changes, eg delays or diversions.

She might actually be quite happy to sit on a train for a couple of hours.

My DH DD travels 300 miles round trip on train to see us once a month. She's fine with it. It's a direct train and DH meets her on platform.
Mind you her mother has let her have so much freedom, she's let herself in from school since she was 12.
Guess it depends on the child.
I don't think yabu to encourage it.

I suspect all the "how very dare you even think about it" people don't have older children. You look at a 2 year old and you can't possibly imagine them being a capable teenager.

yes the OP is keeping quiet i bet the poor child has never used a train in her life

TBH, it is irrelevant what random other 14 yr olds do and what their parents are happy with. This child's father doesn't want her to and we have no idea whether the DD wants to or is confident enough to do so.

A change of train at Birmingham is not always just a change of train but a walk across the city and a change of station (would she know the way across the city centre?

Added to which this morning my boss missed her connecting train in b/ham as the platform was changed and the rush of people meant she couldn't actually get on the train and then had to wait for the next train an hour later…

On Monday I got a call form a friend I was meeting who had missed his connection in b/ham and was going to have to wait an hour for another train so was going to be very late.

dd cycles to the station and gets the train to her mates 10 miles away and then comes back later, it is easier and she hasn't yet fallen asleep and woken up in London - she has been known to fall asleep on the local bus and do the entire loop and the bus driver wake her, much to her

MMe, to also be fair, there has been more than one request to elaborate on whether the girl is a seasoned traveller or not

Well if you live in a remote area, without a train station, using trains is a bit difficult.

Op unless you can say whether or not your dsd is used to using trains, how many changes the journey involves and if SHE is happy to do that long journey on her own, no one can provide an answer.

'Surely learning to travel independently is an important life skill?'

From the OP.
Yes it is, which is why the learning should be supported, and a sequence of steps towards the full independence of a gap year in Thailand is achieved,

the op hadn't even properly researched the route, it would seem

perhaps she expects the 14 yo to do that, even if the girl doesn't know her Eurostar from her Northern Line ?

I dunno, she isn't saying

curlew, I have two teenage kids, my toddler days are far behind me

MerryFuckingChristmas - depends what sort of bus it is - if its a school bus then your scenario is correct, but not all school children get school busses but travel on local busses which mean changes and longer distances etc.

I would encourage some travelling - why not meet at b/ham and let the dc do some of the trip on her own but in a controlled way?

"perhaps she expects the 14 yo to do that, even if the girl doesn't know her Eurostar from her Northern Line ?"

It is actually possible to learn things you know. I don't suppose anyone was thinking of throwing her out the door to get the train it's no trial runs or anything. And all this "what if she misses her connection" stuff. She's 14, not 4. She'll go to Costa and chat to her friends on Facebook, then get the next train.

All these random other children doing all these other random things.

Who cares ? I don't. I would want to know the answer to the salient point of is the teenager a seasoned lone traveller. And I would want Op to have properly researched the route. And I would want to know the particular teenager's feelings on the matter.

oddly, we know none of those rather important points

But from here she'd have to change/cross London on the tube to get anywhere, and as a country girl she would not manage that

You know all that stuff about raising strong, capable empowered daughters? Would you be similarly protective of your son?

What's so difficult about using the tube?

Frankly, I would feel I had gone wrong somewhere if I had raised a NT 14 year old who couldn't make journey alone.

It's almost midnight, Merry. The OP doesn't have to stay up all night answering questions. I suspect the response rather took her by surprise and she's logged off for the evening.

That's what we're asking, curlew. How much experience does she have already?
And answer came there none.
At 14, I could ride a horse and sail single-handed, and travel from one end of the country to another, and get by in three languages. But it didn't happen out of the blue, I had years of parenting for independence behind me.

friday I mentioned my nearly 14yo son at the start of this thread (as being the child I have that is nearest in age to the one in the op)

and yes, I am very equal in the way I treat my kids

Frankly, I would feel I had gone wrong somewhere if I had raised a NT 14 year old who couldn't make journey alone.

gosh, curlew that's looking a bit like "I am a better parent than you"

it's ok to disagree without doing that

sail single-handed

BETTER DROWNED THAN DUFFERS IF NOT DUFFERS WON'T DROWN

yes well if social services were to see Mr Walker's telegram they would have a field day and all the little Walkers would have been put into foster care, and Titty would have been made to change her name

*were to have seen/would have had

Very much so.
We all had penknives and could build fires by the time we were 7, the list of survival skills possessed by my siblings and me is a standard family joke.